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1. Creme LP-11 - Legowelt - Crystal Cult 2080 - 2LP/CD/CASS (OUT NOW)

Creme LP-11 - Legowelt - Crystal Cult 2080 - 2LP/CD/CASS (OUT NOW)

PRE-ORDER NOW (Including mailorder only Cassette Edition + Crystal Clear Edition) http://www.godspill.net/collections/legowelt-crystal-cult-2080 Irrepressible Dutchman Legowelt is to release a new album in the coming months. Entitled ‘Crystal Code 2080’, it will come on Crème Organization and has been preceded by a sampler EP that featured one track from it. The ‘2080’ part of the album title is taken from the Roland JV2080, a legendary digital synthesizer from the nineties that was used a lot in the making of the album. Bought second-hand in Tokyo for a couple of hundred dollars, it lends the record a very dewy eyed soul, whilst the ‘Crystal’ part of the title stands for the self-made ‘DIY germanium crystal compressor’ Legowelt used throughout the writing process. The album itself features ten new tracks of pure Legowelt music mainly recorded in The Hague in the past year, but also on the road during tours of LA, the Californian desert, Tokyo (which spawned ‘Crystal Cult 2080’) and Tejada Gran Canaria (where ‘The Future of Myself’ was written.) Where his last album The Paranormal Soul was an organic trip into misty forests, this one seems more concerned with medieval spirits; it’s deeper, darker and the whole thing is tied together by a more coherent sense of ancient alchemy. Given the use of a DIY germanium crystal compressor during production, it’s no wonder everything feels warm, fuzzy and mystic in a way that draws your attention in like that fabled philosopher’s stone... glare too long and you might just turn to stone. Right from the opening track the mood is so encapsulating you are drawn right into Danny Wolfers’ mysterious electronic world. From there various different tempos are explored and plenty of famed synthesiser work comes to the fore, wrapping grooves in trippy themes, impish spirits and plenty of organic lushness. Crystal Cult 2080 is sure to prove another lucid and distinctive chapter in the ever-captivating story that is the musical career of Legowelt. Track List: A1 - Experiential Awakening A2 - Ancient Rites Demoni Mundi B1 - Excalibur R8MK2 B2 - Psychotic Endurance B3 - How I Live C1 - The Future Of Myself C2 - Fundamental Superstition C3 - Crystal Cult 2080 D1 - When The Spring Comes Again D2 - Cyberspace Is Still Happenin' for Real Lighthouses & Fried Fish Disks (CD/Digital Only) A Distant Meadow in Your Soul (CD/Digital Only) Cassette version (C90, 150 copies hand numbered) A - Crystal Cult 2080 B - Crystal Cult 2080 Continuous Mix by DJ TLR with bonus tracks & outtakes FEEDBACK: "This one will be on my headphone for a while. Inspired album !!! Thanks for this." Zadig (Construct Re-Form) "This man is from another plan, now I know !! " Ozka (Mowar, Other Heights, Dot, RE(FORM), Wolfskuill, Clermont) "A couple of things here have caught my ear already after a quick browse through. looking forward to checking it out properly." Nick Höppner (OstGut Ton) "Always interested in hearing what he has been up to. Very inspiring stuff." Ike Release "instant classic! Awesome!" 0x4644 (BLN.FM, Berlin) "A space-age masterpiece!" Tom Dicicco "Excalibur is a killer. And the cover een giller. Scheveningen massive does it again. " Rene Passet (Dj Broadcast / Oor / Kindamuzik.net, Den Haag) "As always quality, never disappoints and everytime impresses." rookas (DAI, Kaunas) "An absolutely breathtaking album, pure brilliance!" Youri Jozee (Beats And Beyond) "cool 1 again by Legowelt!" Michel De Hey "Excalibur & Fundamental are highlights amongst highlights. Somebody stop him! (Jim Carrey voice)" Gabriel Szatan (Pitchfork / Boiler Room) "some cuts in there!" Enrico Crivellaro (Archive/Neroli, Verona) "Legowelt does it again! " Lapien, Artefakt (Field, Berlin) "Great (as always) .. i like the trancey touch on some of the tracks ... like 'Experiential Awakening' and 'Ancient Rites Demoni Mundi'" DYNAMONS (ECHOVOLT/INTO THE LIGHT, ATHENS) "I've just turned my Roland XV5080 back on because of this guy. Prolific and super talented. I know this album will be on repeat for quite a while. Early favourites are 'Fundamental Superstition', 'When The Spring Comes Again' and 'Excalibur R8MK2'. Top notch as always from Sir Legowelt." Nubian Mindz "Deep on all levels" Jazzface (DJ Jazzface/URB Magazine, Stavanger) "Legowelt's incredible productivity never seems to affect the quality of his output! Great album, some amazing tearjerking compositions in here!" Darko Esser (Doornroosje, Nijmegen) "Future inspiration..." Fred P / Black Jazz Consortium (Soul People Music) "I do really enjoy this album. lots of myst in there" Jean Pierre Enfant (Les Enfants Terribles/Trouw, Amsterdam) "So much great music in here!!!!" DVS1 "some great tracks here - esp feeling 7 and 9 on first listen. thanks. " Dave Mothersole (Proton Radio, Worthing) "not going to listen to samples but I'm sure it's great. want to listen to the full album properly. legowelt is always a class act." Bryan Kasenic (The Bunker NY, Brooklyn) "Lot's of great stuff inside. Like it!" Paul Boex (Dynamic Reflection) "Pure GOLD !!!! Amazing !!!!!!! " Nick Anthony Simoncino (HotMix Records, Italy) "Legowelt never dissapoint -- Full support from me as always " Laurent Garnier "So many faves here and THAT peculiar sound. He's a true master. Thx!" MuteOscillator (Ksoul & MuteOscillator ) "awesome!" Delta Funktionen (Ann Aimee, Berlin) "lots of beautiful stuff on here… wonderful!" Kirk Degiorgio (ART, Ipswich, Suffolk) "interesting & different, Great lp " DJ Billy Nasty (Tortured & Electrix Records, Hove ) "Another stunning Legowelt joint!" Sven VT (De-bug, Berlin) "Essential" Surgeon "Great journey into analog universe, deep sounds and atmospheres ! Brilliant !" Fabrice Lig "interesting album! thx" Sascha Dive (Deep Vibes Recordings) "great ! thx " GoldFFinch (Turbo, Dirty Bird) "i enjoyed the first half of the album the most .... great musicianship, lovely memorable melodies great production ...top job" Dave Ellesmere (Graphene / Belief System, Berlin) "Great lp " DJ Billy Nasty (Tortured & Electrix Records, Hove ) "LEGOWELT = LEGEND Thnx for putting out this album !" Dj Simbad (Various / Browsnwood Rec.) "what an trip legowelt is on fire full support hell" Dj Hell (Gigolo Records, Berlin) "sounds amazing so far, thanks" Richard Akingbehin (Hyponik) "loving psychotic endurance and fundamental superstition. in a fair world they'd be top 40 hits." A Made Up Sound / 2562 (When In Doubt, Utrecht) "I would like to join the cult." Tim Sweeney (Beats In Space) "Great! Can't wait to give this a full listen. So many lovely tracks on here." Lakker / Eomac "amazing album, danny delivered. very coherent and interesting record, this will be played a lot" Jan Kinčl Zero (Radio808, Zagreb) "Not bad" Vincent Pollard (Exclaim, Toronto, Ontario) "Simultaneously sounds like everything you've heard before and nothing like anything you've heard before. A delight that can span home listening and wearing down 12" grooves on a big system." Simon Whight (Data Transmission / Inverted Audio / Ibiza Voice, Ashton-Under-Lyne) "Another fantastic excursion into the realm of synthesis courtesy of Mr Wolfers, makes me want to revive my 1080 to see what lurks beneath the shiny exterior :)" Owain Kimber (Innate, Cardiff) "nngffdsjasfdajklsjklsdf this is great" Objekt (Objekt) "Only had the briefest of flick-throughs but this sounds absolutely amazing. Will d/l and support on the radio. Thanks!" Dave TTB (TOTHEBONE, London) "Awesome! Absoultely love this...a big fan of Legowelt and this LP sounds fantastic. Big up!" Vince Watson (Bio Music, Amsterdam) "always that same feeling with legowelt music. it sounds nice, having a good time while listening to it but any track in particular has been printed in my mind at the end - paradox." Fred Deepsounds (Deepsounds.fr) "outstanding !" Tomaz (22tracks, Sint Pieters Leeuw) "Amazing production levels across the whole record. Top Quality as usual from Legowelt! " Dax J (Monnom Black) "Fundamental Superstition for club but whole album sounds great, as expected." Danny Howells "fundamental superst. is my pick here.." Roland Appel "Extremely impressive," Russ Gabriel "Still don't get Legowelt unfortunately" Mosca (Ann Aimee, BBC Radio 1, London) "Beautiful stuff, no doubt. But honestly I´m not sure if I can use it. Legowelt did so many great tracks in the last years that it´s hard to make something new that stands out of all these releases." Norman Nodge (MDR, Berlin) "quality as expected. hard to pick favorite on a first listen but "Ancient rites demoni mundi" and "Cyberspace is still happenin' for real" are stand out tracks for me." Leri Ahel (Mutant Disco Radio Show, Rijeka) "niceeee!" Marko Nastic (Radio B92 / Exit Festival, Belgrade) "ooooofffttttttt !!!!!!!! SO FUCKIN AMAZING !!!!! AAAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Marco Bernardi (Take the Elevator, Bristol) "A Legowelt album is always welcome! " Ksoul (Ksoul & MuteOscillator, TORINO) "Sick sick album! Planet Legowelt. 10/10" Kid Culture (DJ Mag NL) "oei exciting stuff!" Nuno Dos Santos (kollektiv, utrecht) "Oh Danny boy, the synths, the synths are.... :) " Giles Armstrong "Very interesting Album from legowelt. Can´t wait to play this out. " Bleak (c/o DRB Produktion, Stockholm) "Always top quality stuff from a top quality artist! Full suport! " Chille jr. (Night [email protected] radio, Koprivnica) "Beautiful!" Sandrien (Imprint/Trouw, Amsterdam) "Another world was created!" Innershades (Roze Balletten, Aalst) "u cant fuck with legowelt. in a league of his own..." Hunee (Hunch Music / Rush Hour, Los Angeles) "Quality Artist - Quality album. Absolutely brilliant listening experience from a machine master!" Claude Young (Different World Productions, Fukui (Japan) / Detroit (USA)) "love it " Domenic Cappello (Sub Club) "good shit $_$" House Of Traps (Firecracker Records, Edinburgh) "Hooray! I've been waiting for this for a long time. Can't wait to play it out." Andrew Duke (Andrew Duke In The Mix/Cognition Audioworks, Halifax NS) "Jeuj (-◠_◠-)" Koen van Bommel (Noisey (Vice)) "Always amazing....." Charlton/Tapirus (Mord / Krill Music /Midnight Shift, Rotterdam) "The man from Scheveningen delivers again, nice spread of techno and house in the well known quality, great sleeve too. " Kuczera (Intergalactic FM, heerlen) "Pure gold." J. Tijn "10 points for the dutchman. Love this album!" Dimi Angélis (A&S, Traut Muzik, Balans) (Dimi Angélis, Amsterdam) "downloading" Tim Thaler (BLN FM, Berlin) "lovely stuff, thanks!" James Fox / Severn Beach "amazing. Homerun " Locked Groove (Hotflush / Turbo, Antwerpen) "King." Samuli Kemppi Press http://www.residentadvisor.net/news.aspx?id=21507 http://www.factmag.com/2014/01/28/legowelt-details-new-lp-crystal-cult-2080/ http://www.xlr8r.com/news/2014/01/legowelt-details-crystal-cult-20 http://www.junodownload.com/plus/2014/01/28/full-details-emerge-on-new-legowelt-lp-for-creme-organisation/ http://www.clubbingspain.com/noticias/2014/nuevo-album-de-legowelt.html

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2. Mindful Cyborgs - Episode 11 - Dark night of the Cyborg Soul

Mindful Cyborgs - Episode 11 - Dark night of the Cyborg Soul

Mindful Cyborgs - Episode 11- Dark night of the Cyborg Soul HOSTS: Klint Finley www.twitter.com/klintron Chris Dancy twitter.com/servicesphere GUEST: Awareness *****TOP STORIES & SHOW NOTES***** Disruption Distraction Episode 9-10 http://www.servicesphere.com/mindful-cyborgs-podcast/2013/9/11/mindful-cyborgs-episode-10-enduringly-connected-to-the-creat.html Buddhist Geeks Conference http://www.buddhistgeeks.com/conference/ "Most Buddhist need to practice because they need to" What do you imagine Buddhist to be like? McMindfulness and Buddhism Suffering and Attachment Profound depression and "The Dark Knight of the Soul" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul The illusion of the Abyss & the Occult http://hermetic.com/norton/abyss2.htm Vincent Horn Buddhist Geeks - http://www.servicesphere.com/mindful-cyborgs-podcast/2013/8/9/mindful-cyborgs-episode-8-backlit-parallax-enlightenment-via.html Depressive Buddhist Just Delete Me - The API cyanide pill http://justdelete.me/ Social Roulette http://socialroulette.net/ Mindful Cyborg Art from https://www.evernote.com/shard/s2/sh/9dbd261f-a51f-49d3-a885-837d2d481a08/4229ee6f51a990362962f084cdbb92cf Evolving to become a mindful cyborg? https://plus.google.com/u/0/111083158495033565382/posts/VYM8uoHMbiS Transhumanist Manifesto http://www.singularityweblog.com/a-transhumanist-manifesto/ "It's impossible to have empathy in a world where there is no suffering" Digitally firing and rewiring our of our digital Neocortex Does using social media make us more aware of each other? People are obsessed with Hans Rosling Twitter gave me global awareness Facebook and social obligation Network dependent relationships Gartner (IT Industry Analyst Firm - What does that Mean) The ANAL-CYST quote of the week Gartner Hype Cycle for Emerging Tech 2013 http://na1.www.gartner.com/imagesrv/newsroom/images/hype-cycle-pr.png;pv4a3db6f9c029a4db The Hype Cycle vs Reality, being in the future is paying attention YESTERDAY Ambient Backscatter Networking http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX9cbxLSOkE 3D printers are the photocopiers of tomorrow Friend of the Quantified Self *****WORD OF THE WEEK***** disillusionment - a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be. *****TWEET OF THE WEEK***** @mrbill From MeFi: "unless you're over 60, you weren't promised flying cars. You were promised an oppressive cyberpunk dystopia. Here you go." https://twitter.com/mrbill/status/369292919913472001 *****EVENTS***** Singularity University - Executive Program - October 5-12, 2013 San Francisco, CA http://singularityu.org/# Quantified Self -Oct 10-11, 2013 San Francisco http://quantifiedself.com/conference/San-Francisco-2013/ Degfrag - November 4-6, 2013 Broomfield, CO http://defragcon.com/2013/ (SEE KLINT AND CHRIS PRESENT) SXSW - March 7-16, 2014 Austin, TX http://sxsw.com/ (POSSIBLY SEE KLINT AND CHRIS PRESENT) Buddhist Geeks - Contemplative Tech Conference, April 11-13, 2014 San Francisco http://www.buddhistgeeks.com/conference/ Cyborg Camp - MIT Media Lab - August 2014 - Boston, MA *****THANK YOU / FIND US***** AARON JASINSKI: Artist work for the mindful cyborgs http://www.aaronjasinski.com/ ROSS NELSON: Brown Hound Media for mixing http://brownhoundmedia.com/ FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/MindfulCyborgs GOOGLE PLUS: http://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/1…97482352220770025 TWITTER: http://twitter.com/mindfulcyborgs SOUNDCLOUD: https://soundcloud.com/itsmweekly/sets/mindful-cyborgs-the-podcast ITUNES: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/mindful-cyborgs/id641214272 STICHER RADIO: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/chris-dancy/mindful-cyborgs?refid=stpr *****TRANSCRIPTION***** Mindful Cyborgs, Contemplative living in the age of quantification, augmentation and acceleration, with your hosts Chris Dancy and Klint Finley. CD: Hey, welcome to Mindful Cyborgs, Episode #11. Hi, Klint. KF: Hi, Chris. CD: So 9 and 10, double episode with our friend Mr. Pang. I’m still reeling from that show. KF: Me, too. CD: We’re just going to have to follow Alex on Twitter. He doesn’t want me to constantly yell out his Twitter stream. I really want to get him and Nathan Jurgenson in a room. So yes, just us today. We don’t have any guests, but we do have some fun things to cover. I just got back from Buddhist Geeks and I thought we would just kind of kick off with that, you know? We had questions about am I a Buddhist. KF: Yes, how Buddhist Geeks go and are you a Buddhist? CD: Yes, so one of the most interesting things that was told to me while I was at Buddhist Geeks is that most Buddhists practice Buddhists because they need to which I thought was kind of interesting and didn’t understand, but at the end of the conference I came to understand for some people Buddhism is like the only way they can cope with life. I mean, they’re so distracted and lacking in mindfulness that they actually need it. Whereas I expected I would just go and find contemplative peaceful people, and I found people across the spectrum. It really kind of hit home when the photographer for the event said, “No, no you don’t understand some of these people need it.” I said, “Okay, I get you.” So they’re kind of on that edge of excitement, which I wasn’t really expecting. I don't know, I figured everyone would be kind of monkey. Not monkey but- KF: I know what you mean, there’s this sort of expectation of what you imagine Buddhist to be like, or kind of calm and collected people, but once you actually start to meet some you find that there are a lot who are more loud and excitable types of people and yes they’re definitely drawn to it because they need a means to control their temper certain aspects of their personality. CD: The other, there are a few takeaways that I had. I would say yes after going to the conference and going to the sessions I think that I could safely say that all though I don’t have the nomenclature, I’m safely a Buddhist. I’m going to come out of my Buddhist closet. Some other things that I thought were just really important for me to observe and hear was the idea of suffering and how it was tied to these great traditions of Buddhism. The being to eliminate suffering. When we dug into that a little deeper in the different sessions that I went to, I found this common theme of suffering coming from an attachment and that attachment being an idea, a person, a thing or probably most profound for me, an outcome. After I attained that knowledge, I looked at that when I’m not practicing any version of [00:03:41] mindfulness - they’re very hard on the mindful movement right now, and not practicing mindfulness. Yes, when I’m struggling or suffering I’m attached and usually it is some to sort of outcome. I had no idea until I looked at that. Now, when I start to struggle or feel some strife, it’s very easy for me to go, what am I attached to? So that was a very interesting kind of goal of Buddhism to alleviate the human suffering and then to kind of look at it from an attachment standpoint. KF: Yes, that’s a good tip I think. I need to do that more often myself. CD: Yes, dude, you’re pretty attached. Not in a bad way. You’re one of the most communicative people I know. KF: Yes, I definitely get attached to outcomes of wanting things to be a certain way. CD: Yes, outcome attachment is probably my number one suffering point. The scariest things that I found at the conference was that over the 3, almost 4, years that I’ve been practicing awareness or contemplative practices or being in a beginners mind or meditation, impermanence, love and kindness. All these things, I’ve had periods where I’ve just felt really disconnected from the people around me and these are highly intelligent people or very, very tense people, much like myself. You kind of hang around people you are. So much so that at times I’ve felt profoundly sad, just profoundly depressed. It comes during after periods of great meditation or just prolonged periods of awareness and I found that there’s something called dark night of the soul, which is a state and there’s actual terminology for this, which is a meditative psychosis. But it’s where people actually become unhinged or removed from the world that they perceive because they get so in touch with being aware that they physically feel disconnected to actually have a soul collapsing experience. Which I thought I was really along but when you get in a roomful of Buddhists and they start talking about their journey you’re just like, wow, I just thought it was me and I never would have admitted so loudly and now it’s actually pretty common. KF: Yes, I had a similar experience when I was much younger, around 20, and I didn’t know what was going on with me for about a couple of years. I ended up hearing about a similar concept called the abyss. It’s part of cabalistic and part of western occult, a tradition as of western esotericism. But it’s a very similar idea of just becoming- I think they describe it as knowledge without understanding. The situation where you start to understand and kind of go back to sort of Buddhist terminology, like you start to not to understand but to be aware of impermanence and to be aware of the malleability of certain aspects of reality but you haven't really come to terms with it yet. You haven’t truly grasped the wisdom of that yet and it leaves you fairly unhinged. At least that’s my understanding of it and there’s probably a lot of people out there that would tell me that I’m completely wrong or that I’m equating things from two very different religious or spiritual practices and everything, but I don’t know. I see them as related, very similar and related aspects. CD: It makes me think that we should get an actual Buddhist teacher on the show. KF: Yes. CD: I mean Vincent is a teacher, he’s amazing, but I’ve met some pretty important people who you walk up to them and you get that feeling like you’re speaking to Yoda. I mean it was really wonderful. And then to be around 300 people all on some type of contemplative journey. I mean the conference was nice. I said in one of my tweets it’s the only conference I’ve ever been to where every single person that I spoke to could have been a keynote which was pretty cool for me. Next up on the big agenda that I’ve outed myself as depressive. KF: Outed yourself as a depressive Buddhist. CD: Yes, depressed Buddhist which is all things considered a happy catholic would be the flipside of this. So, saw this site flying around the interweb this week called JustDeleteMe. You’ve seen this JustDeleteMe site? KF: I saw links to it but I never clicked through to it. So I have never found out what it was. CD: So it’s kind of interesting. You go to JustDeleteMe.com. We’ll put it in the ShowNotes. It’s big web page with a bunch of buttons that say Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Google. It’s a one button remove yourself from that social network. So kind of like the cyanide pill for social media via API call. KF: Yes, interesting. CD: Yes, people are sharing it like crazy which reminds me of Episode 3 or 4 we talked about this social roulette site I had found where basically you’ve got a one in six chance of having it delete your account and each time you pressed it, it was like pulling the revolver again which all speaks to this fantastic pathology that we have around Nathan Jurgenson’s concepts of digital duality. Klint, would you make it all go away with one button or take a chance on it? KF: No, I wouldn’t. Maybe Facebook, actually, because I’ve thought about going away from there but there’s so many social obligations now bound up within real world to be digitally dualist about it. Real world obligations that are now tied into Facebook in such a way that I don’t feel like I can extricate myself from that network anymore. What I’ve actually been and I haven’t really looked very deeply into this is that I’ve been finding myself more tempted to delete some dimension entirely of my presence in different places. Like, it would be nice to go into Facebook and to delete all the photos I’ve ever uploaded there and just start from scratch or, I’ve mentioned it before, just unfollow everyone on Twitter and start over again and just be a little bit more mindful about who I follow and don’t follow. CD: I know two people personally who saw that tweet of yours and actually did it. KF: Oh, wow. CD: So you need to be careful about what you tweet. KF: No, I hope that worked out for them. I don’t know. One of the reasons I haven’t done it is it seems a little bit unfair insofar as part of why I want to do it is I don’t want to lose my followers by deleting my account and starting over but, at the same time, I want to follow fewer people so it’s kind of a selfish one dimensional element that- CD: It would be different if they made it easy for you to unfollow people but they really don’t once you follow a bunch of people. KF: Yes, I’ve just been trying to slowly wean myself away from some accounts and just really think about, is this person ever going to notice that I’m not following them anymore? CD: They will. KF: Or do I really need to follow this person anymore because other people are going to retweet anything this person tweets because it’s important so do I really need to continue following this account and that sort of thing. CD: It’s good stuff. I don’t want to call it fan mail, but its people that’s reached out and contacted us, but we get a bunch of that and I’m really bad at mentioning them, but a few people who’ve shared stuff with us recently I just want to just give a little shoutout to. Jerry Ray over on our Facebook page sent us some Mindful Cyborg art he created. So I’m going to go ahead and post a link to that today. He sent it to me privately. Really nice stuff and thank you Jerry for doing that. A little shout out to Ronya Banks who won our Buddhist Geeks Conference getaway where we send someone travel and tickets to go to Buddhist Geeks. Probably the last thing to kind of segue into this is another piece of interaction we had with someone. This person’s name I’m probably not going to pronounce correctly. Mamading Ceesay sent us a link over on Google+ just recently saying giving the transhumanist manifesto and I’ll try to put a link to that on the shownotes that just came out about emotional intelligence and compassion and thought he’d share a video with me about a gentleman named Jeremy Rifkin and I’ll put a link to the video in here. Great video, basically suggests the question, are we evolving to be a species of mindful cyborgs? In the video, it’s only about ten minutes, he makes the case that human evolution evolved into a very empathetic race of people with that came from being a race of people who were empathetic around things like nation and culture. Before that a group of people who were empathetic around religion and before that a group of people empathetic around tribes and before that around blood lines. We keep becoming more and more aware of ourselves. Because of that is this person Jeremy Rifkin’s belief that we are homoeopathists and we’re going to evolve into a more aware of each other’s species. But one of the things that I took away from the video that I wanted to run by you was that it’s his belief that in heaven or even Utopia, he uses both terms interchangeably, that because there is no suffering, going back to our Buddhist conversation from earlier, that it’s impossible to have empathy. That you can’t have empathy in a world where someone else is not suffering. What do you think about that? KF: I don’t know, I guess it’s technically true. Well, I’m trying to remember the exact definition of empathy because it means dealing with someone else’s feeling. So I don’t know if that’s true or not because you can feel empathy with someone who isn’t suffering, can’t you? You can feel somebody’s joy. So I guess it becomes more of a question of whether you can experience joy without suffering which is an age old philosophical question of, without contrast I guess that would be the issue. If you don’t have sadness to contrast to happiness how do you know that you’re happy? How does happiness even exist and I’m not wise enough to have an answer to that. CD: But you’re answers are always so good. But it got me thinking that we are possibly seeing the rise of mindful cyborgs. Loosely after I watched the video I’m stirring a couple concepts in my head together. One, just awareness of the data, data exhaust that we create, we’re seeing more and more awareness of that. Two, awareness of each other’s data and data exhaust so in some ways if you move beyond nation state you can start to say they video the instance in Haiti and within three minutes people were tweeting and sharing videos and how quickly we were sending empathy via technological awareness. I then took the concept from I’ve been seeing a lot on neuroscience at a conference lately. I don’t know what that means of the conference I’ve been going to but every single conference I’ve been to in the past year whether it be GF2045 or theorizing the web, quantified self, Buddhist Geeks, they always have 3 or 4 neurosciences. Either we’re going to the wrong conferences or I don’t know what’s happening. But the one consistent thing that I’m seeing that they’re doing with everything from neural dust to functional MRIs is this concept that neurons that fire together, wire together. So you take this concept to people becoming more aware of each other digitally, whatever that looks like, whether it’s the actual data or seeing someone’s Facebook photos and you start to infuse as Ray Kurzweil would call it an external digital neocortex. Are we observing and firing in them for rewiring this external data exhaust and or digital neural cortex. Thoughts? KF: I guess one of the big questions is whether we’re actually becoming more aware of each other through these media or if we’re not. I mean we’re seeing people’s Facebook photos but does that actually make us more aware of them as people? I’m not sure the answer is yes. I wouldn’t necessarily certainly go the other way in terms of that we were knowing each other less well, but hey I certainly wouldn’t make the argument that just because we’re on Twitter together that we know each other more than we would otherwise. CD: And I would feel comfortable going out on a limb and saying that we are. KF: Okay. CD: I think it doesn’t work like what we’re used to but, again, because I work through these things and sometimes I wonder whether people listen to the show [00:17:33] but I’m like now I get to talk to Klint uninterrupted for an extended period of time. I’m not going to prepare, I’m just going to roll with it. Two things come to mind. People are obsessed with Hans Rosling. You know this guy, pronouncing his name right. He’s the data scientist that always does the TED talks where he moves around data and he talks about people getting richer or life expectancy. People are just obsessed with this Hans Rosling guy, but it’s really weird. It reminds me of three episodes ago when we talked about quantified keynote and people responding to my body and not my physical presence, so I do in some way feel that we are kind of heading to this new type of empathy or this new type of compassion but I’m not quite sure what it means or if I really need to think about it. KF: But thinking about it a little bit more, there are definitely people who have come to know because if we’re calling social media for making it very broad like including instant messaging and email and just going all the way back to all the digital communication tools and there’s definitely people I’ve gotten to know better because of some form of social media but at the same time I wouldn’t say it overall makes me more aware empathetic with other people in general. CD: Do you think that’s the quantity or quality of the data that you’re getting of other people? KF: It’s probably a little bit of both and now I’m getting a lot more data from people than ever before and the quality I think also goes down when you’re just getting the weak signals that are coming in, pouring in, in the form of status updates, photos, and the sort of self-censorship that comes along with being a part of a big general purpose social network. I think actually in some ways I was thinking back to instant messaging and being on purpose-driven chat rooms as a teenager where there was no expectation, being in a chat room that was on a certain topic, a certain band, a certain subculture and talking to people, finding people that shared that common interest and not worrying about whether bosses were going to see it, or teachers were going to see it or anything else like that, whereas with Facebook there’s some privacy filter systems that I’m not sure anyone fully understands but it seems we create these personas on Facebook that I guess you can say they’re not real manifestations of yourself but they’re not necessarily complete representations of people. CD: They’re not complete. They’re definitely segmented but I think that’s why some people have multiple Twitter accounts or I think in some ways Google tried to do it with circles. I think if there’s any type of future of enterprise portable identity it’s really not the systems we log into or what we represent but it’s the exhaust we create from those systems that can be determined as a complex password. I’ll leave that one alone, I don’t know where that came from. It just flew out of my mouth. Back to this empathy concept, I think I first noticed myself becoming more, I don’t know that I’d say empathetic, but I’d say aware. About four years ago as I would travel and I would wake up and I would wake up and check Twitter or see what news had happened and I just become literally aware of what time it was at any point in the world because of who I had followed in different parts of the world. I remember tweeting a few years ago it’s really neat to watch the world through Twitter because you see Oceana go to sleep, you see Europe wake up, especially if you’re in Europe and you’re in Twitter you dread lunch time because America starts coming online and it’s like ugh. KF: Explosion of stuff, yes. CD: Yes. KF: There’s definitely experiences that I have that I wouldn’t otherwise have that same experience of seeing the world sort of wake up much later in the day and people who are in Europe who are having their evening beer around the time I’m having my morning coffee and that sort of thing. That’s really enjoyable and I wouldn’t want to trade that in necessarily. But at the same time there’s this presentation of people put on through these more public facing media and Twitter, in particular, feels like it’s become more professionalized for people more and more wanting to- and it could just be my own personal experience but I actually read an article recently of something about Twitter the global network conversation or something and it seems like I’m not the only one that has been seeing this idea of Twitter becoming more of a place for people to talk about their professional interests and kind of self-promote network and that sort of thing and less of a general pub where you would go and talk about whatever is on your mind. Facebook has become more like a family reunion meets, I don’t know, like a baby shower. It’s just like all these people who you have very different relationships with, your cousin, your friends’ cousin, your ex-coworkers, just such a big mishmash of people that everyone’s kind of walking on eggshells except for the people who just don’t give a fuck about offending someone else. Just these weird awkward conversations. CD: No, I had a friend, I don’t want to say a friend, an acquaintance from high school, who reached out to me last year and he was talking to me about why wouldn’t I accept his friendship on Facebook. I was like, “Listen, I have subscribers, I do subscribers and I’ve got like 30 friends.” I treat Facebook like I treat Twitter and even with Facebook I’ve got a list of only five people can see those updates. It’s literally one of the places I’m completely safe which is more to do with my own hang-ups than anything else. But he said something to me that just blew me away. He said, “I love it, I love to friend everybody that we went to school with because I like to see things that would make them upset so I can get in fights with them over political issues.” I just thought to myself you just confirmed for me my worst fears about Facebook. KF: Yes, and there’s people I really like basically trolling on Facebook. I don’t feel that Facebook is a place where I can do what you do, just drawing a really tightening down the hatches because it does feel like there’s a certain amount of social obligation that happens in and around Facebook now that I can’t extricate myself from. Twitter is a little bit of a different story. The way that I participate on Facebook is much more of a minimal. I use it more as just a way, because I know there are people who I have relationships with and they share the important parts of their lives, when they’re moving to another city or something like that, exclusively on Facebook. It’s the only way I can really find out certain things about certain people. CD: Well, it’s strange because I won’t be friends with some people on Facebook but I’ll link up with them on other networks. So I totally enjoy some people by Instagram. There are some people that I will only be connected to via foursquare who I could care less about by Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. But they go to interesting places and they share interesting things but they don’t share that via the other networks. KF: Yes, most of the people I’m talking about wouldn’t be on other networks besides Facebook. CD: Okay, I’m going to wrap up with some kind of official, unofficial. I don’t know what you consider this. Are you familiar with this company Gartner? You ever heard of these people? KF: Oh, yes. The IT industry analyst firm. CD: I’m messing with you. KF: If you’re not in IT, that doesn’t even mean anything. IT industry analyst firm, what does that mean? CD: Exactly. Well, it’s funny because when I started my old podcast five years ago I didn’t really care about what anybody thought and then I cared and then I stopped caring. I used to have this thing every week where I would take some statement Gartner and we had this segment on this show called the Anal Cyst Quote of the Week. Because you would have to be an ass to believe it or read it, but they have this Hype Cycle. It’s something they do every year. It’s basically broken out into timeframes of 0 to beyond ten years and then from very new which is an innovation trigger all the way through something called Inflated Expectations, the Trough of Disillusionment, the Slope of Enlightenment, Plateau of Productivity, I’ll put it in the shownotes. If you’ve never seen the Gartner Hype Cycle, it’s interesting to look at just from a sheared data thing. But what I found interesting was some of the things that they put on the Hype Cycle for 2013 2014, thought I’d hit three or four of these with you. Is that alright? KF: Yes, let’s do it. CD: They’re saying that cloud computing is now in what they call the trough of disillusionment which means, okay, we’re over it. Most people got it, they understand it, they’re working through it. They haven’t quite figured out how to best get the most out of it but it’s not hyped up anymore. Right? It’s not just over the top with expectations. They’re saying it’s about 2-5 years full maturity. This is cloud computing. Thoughts? KF: I guess that sounds right. I like you feel like I’m always living a few years into the future and so when I hear something like, oh cloud computing is just now in the trough disillusionment it seems silly to me but I know that’s not the case for most people. I see that big data is not the top of the hype to me where to me big data was at the top of the hype cycle probably a year and a half ago in my world. CD: Not only is it at the top of the hype cycle but they’re saying plateau between 5-10 years. So they’re saying 2021 before big data is actually doing something for us. KF: Yes, so it’s funny like in my world big data is in the trough of disillusionment already and cloud computing is already on the slope of enlightenment but- CD: We need perspective-based emerging hype cycles. KF: Yes. CD: Some of the other ones I thought were really interesting, they’ve listed quantified self for the first time down in the innovation trigger section and they’re wrapping it much faster than big data or cloud computing. Remember those are out in the 2020’s. They’re saying quantified self reaches plateau within 2-5 years which I thought was really aggressive and interesting all things considered. KF: I think for quantified self like if you look at it in terms of what benefits aging, aging people can get out of monitoring their health, then yes 5-10 years even is probably kind of long term or maybe even a little bit slow. I think for what Ernesto had called the worried well. I mean, for people, I guess I would be in that category, people like us that worried well, it’s probably a much longer term before we can truly get much benefit out of it like, oh it’s really interesting to know these things about myself, but from people who actually have diabetes already or who have heart problems, these things are already killer apps or hopefully unkiller apps rather. CD: Smartdust, so they’ve introduced that as a brand new innovation trigger way over on the innovation trigger more than 10 years out for any type of plateau. Mesh networks, so sensor based networks, just saw some really great three-minute video on backscatter connectivity and powerless networks which was pretty unique but just some simple business ones that really jumped out at me. They’re saying gamification is at the peak of inflated expectation which just means we haven’t entered the trough of dissolution yet. Interesting enough, they’re saying consumer 3d printing is also at that peak, but enterprise are you ready for this, enterprise 3d computing is actually in the slope of enlightenment with a 2-5 years to peak, whereas consumer 3d printing is at the peak meaning it’s about as hyped up as you can get with at least 5-10 before we actually get something out of it. So I thought that juxtaposition of the enterprise 3d printing being so mature in the cycle, so 2-5 years out to plateau so radically different than the 5-10 years at the hype of the consumer 3d level. Any thoughts on why? I can’t even get my head around why they would even place it like this. KF: It’s an interesting distinction. I’ve never seen the distinction made before but I guess it makes some sense. I’m sort of surprised to see them say that enterprise 3d printing is so mature, but there are 3d printed parts in space right now that 3d printing is being used for quite a bit in industry already. It’s being used a lot for prototyping and by design companies and what have you. I guess it’s not that surprising to see that but anything for home hobbyist 3d printing, that’s still make or shed stuff where people are still tinkering and dabbling and it’s pretty far away it seems from being main stream. They’re hard to build. I do have one friend that bought one and put it together in his house just because he wanted to have one and wanted to tinker with that sort of thing but otherwise they seem to be things you’d have to go to a hacker lab type place to even have access to one. I think it was Bruce Sterling that said that 3d printers are going to end up more like photocopiers where every big business might have one but if you wanted to make a photocopy of something you have to go to a shop as opposed to a normal desk top printer where maybe everyone that has a computer has some sort of laser inkjet, but you wouldn’t have a laser jet printer in your house probably because they’re so much more expensive. It seems like the idea of a 3d printer is going to be a lot closer to a photocopier or laser printer but it’s just not something people are going to have in the home. CD: I’ve never heard anyone say that it’s going to be a photocopier that makes a lot of sense. In ‘88 I was in Tokyo spending 6 months there, I went to see Michael Jackson, don’t ask, and one of the things that I did was a newsletter for my friend and I went to get it printed and I think it was a printer electronic, I don’t remember, we’re going back 30 years. I had to go to a specialty store where they just printed. It was really weird, today you have this in your house, but it was high-end photo printers. Makes you wonder about your friend who talked about that. Our events coming up again Singularity University. We’ll have a lot to talk about after that. That’s October 10-12th at Silicon Valley, NASA Ames Research. DEFRAG, we’ve got a couple of our friends speaking there. We’re going to see if we can maybe record Mindful Cyborgs from DEFRAG, we’re not sure, but I know Amber Case is speaking there. A bunch of people I follow on Twitter is speaking there. That’s November 4-6 in Broomfield. Quantified Self Conference, which by the time this show comes out we will be an official friend of the quantified self and that’s October 10-11th in San Francisco. If you haven’t had a chance, Klint and I are trying to get into South By Southwest to bring some Mindful Cyborgs there, March 7-16th, and just announced that the Buddhist Geeks Conference, they’re having a contemplative technology conference, so focusing just on contemplative technology April 11-13th in San Francisco. Kind of behind the scenes, I know Amber said that Cyborg Camp 2014 is in Boston this year and I’ve seen Nathan Jurgenson talking about theorizing the web. Any tweets or any quotes or anything good for me this week, this day, this moment? KF: Nope, but I did want to mention that I will be at TechFestNW here in Portland. I’m not speaking or moderating or anything like that. I should be around. That is in September 6-8. TechFestNW in Portland, Oregon. CD: Nice. I’ll go ahead and put that on our shownotes. I saw a tweet that I thought was pretty good. @MrBill. “Unless you're over 60, you weren't promised flying cars. You were promised an oppressive cyberpunk dystopia. Here you go.” So, love that. We’d like to thank listeners. Thanks so many of you who do reach out to Klint and I and especially our Facebook community. It’s pretty robust. Aaron Jasinski, who created the art for Mindful cyborgs. Ross Nelson, Brown Hound Media, for our mixing. Get us everywhere, Facebook, Google, Twitter, SoundCloud. Now on Stitcher Radio and iTunes. As always, it’s been Klinteresting and I look forward to talking to you soon, Klint. KF: Thanks a lot and I’ll see you next time.

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3. Sophie's Choice and Ivanka's Asset - ITSM weekly the podcast EPISODE 91

Sophie's Choice and Ivanka's Asset  -  ITSM weekly the podcast EPISODE 91

Show Notes & Links: http://www.servicesphere.com/blog/2012/6/25/sophies-choice-and-ivankas-asset-itsm-weekly-the-podcast-epi.html Show Notes: ITSM Weekly Podcast Top of the World Premier Hank Marquis looking for ITIL training (Jobs from Global Knowledge) Evernote Activity Stream Microsoft purchases Yammer vs Facebook purchasing Instagram itSMF Fusion 2012, Where the heck are the MEGA sponsors? IBM Pulse Rejected from itSMF What makes someone "ITSM Practitioner" Practitioner Radio, the REAL ITSM podcast? Axios does Social IT webinar Does Axios "borrow" a lot of material? Shame. Who's bigger your internet fans or the LAW? How the Oatmeal is changing the game. ITSM Extreme Make Over Sophie Klossner Retires from HDI Sophie Klossner on the Podcast (July 2010) Send Sophie a note and thank her for her contributions. IT Consultants don't create innovation Article Nancy Regan and psychics Dancy's World, the Blog helping to define and exploit the bull crap going on in the Social Web. Apocalyptic Enthusiasms from the IT Skeptic Dramatic Live Reading, Edict Five, Email is a full time JOB! SDI Conference Ovum ITSM Conference The IT Service Desk / Help Desk of 2017-2050 James Timpson, Keynote Barclay Rae at SDI The Service Desk Inspector The Real Gene Kim itSMF New England Event When IT Fails, Novel and Event 50 Shades of ITIL Serena Software's Fake CIO account Kanban for ITSM The IT Skeptic is hot for Kanban "Stop starting and start finishing." The IT Skeptic, Service Catalog Meltdown Article G2G3 Simulation Dr. Suzanne Van Hove ITSM Prism ITSM Standard to show the metric of Value What is DEVOPS, dramatic reading from Wikipedia. Kinsight (Kinect tool for remote) Ivanka Menken, Intanglible Assets tweets The Ivanka Menken Blog on IT Assets What is the DEEP security value to Social Media? The new currency isn't money, it's access to information. Windmill Ted Talk Fiat Currency is wrecking the world economies Best and Worst Cities to Work and Play CIO.com Internet Explorer Tax? Pay more for using crappy browsers. Dotted Line Reporting After 17 years, I'm sleeping with the enemy IT the World Streaming Conference Big Shout out to Carlos Casanova itSMF USA podcast Show Transcription: ITSM Weekly, the podcast bringing you news, insight, analysis, and information from the world of IT service management. Your hosts, Matthew Hooper, Chris Anthony, and Matt Baron. IT service managment weekly, the podcast starts now. Welcome to ITSM Weekly the podcast, episode 91 for the week ending, we'll make it June 20th, because we're always a little bit in the future. Something like that. How are you guys doing? Excellent. Fantastic. I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. Those are the 5 words I never want to hear. Past 5 days have flown by for a clean June 20th. Yes, well said. We're going to go ahead and record today we have a very special guest on. That special guest is my invisible friend. No. Let's get going right with some news Darren, do you have anything for us? Tons. We should mention Top of the World premier. Another podcast. You can listen to Aleruses' real voice, if you so choose. I thought Debilling did a pretty good job owning that. We'll see where that goes. It's kind of fun to listen to the Swedish accent or the Norwegian accent because I get a lot that around here in Minnesota. Yes, I thought it was a very good show. I thought Ross did a nice music is custom for ITSM Weekly Top of the World edition. And somebody even made fun saying it reminded them of that old song "I'm on top of the world looking down on creation." Oh well. Yeah, it was a good show. I do not know Hooper, you haven't had a chance to listen to it. You're still recovering from the drama that was, I don't know, the situation with math challenge. In your new office that's kind of nice. I'm in my new office, yes. So, tell us a little bit about this office you're in now. It's in Kabul, that's why in a tent. You're in Kabul. No, my new office is my back yard. Beautiful here. That's nice. What a beautiful day it is. As a kid did you ever camp in the back. Oh, wow. That was really nice. Maybe we should do a podcast completely outside once. We should. I'm down. Yeah. I'll go out right now. Yeah, we used to do that as kids I grew up more in the city. So camping for me wasn't as much of an experience as it would be for my kids camping in this backyard. Every time I camped as a kid, it always turned out awkward for everyone. Yeah. I'm sure. Every time I've podcasted as an adult, it turned out awkward for everyone. That's right. I would always hear, ...to wrestle you so freakin' bad. I want to wrestle you so freakin' bad. It was just one of those things as a child it just never worked out well for anyone. Yes. It's kind of like teaching ITIL. Speaking of teaching ITIL, did you see [Hay Marquois] is looking for ITIL trainers? No, I didn't. I missed that. Where is, where did he land right now? he's back at global knowledge we talked about it last week, but I wouldn't want you to pay attention while you're recording. Not while you're recording, before and only before. Yeah, what's funny if you read that tweet in England, it means he's looking for altoid sneakers, which is awkward for everyone as well. Trainers? Yeah, trainers. What do they call them in the UK, teachers? No, they call sneakers trainers I thought. Or maybe they call sweatpants trainers. I would think that they'd call trainers sneakers. Terrible. OK, so other news: Evernote to release activity stream today. I saw that, but it looked like it was just for windows. Oh, really I did not see if it does. 'Cause it's not on mine. I saw you tweet that you were excited about it. I thought, It's just on the Windows client. What are you, backsliding? Another reason that I have to install VM again. Or another reason just to actually pay attention to what you actually click on and read. Come on, Chris. Don't give me that. If it's on PC, it's coming on Mac. I think it's a great idea. I think everything should have an activity and if you disagree with me, I know you're lying. Dude, I'm still overwhelmed with what you like something from Miami Vice Circa '91. We got like Crockett and Tubbs. Is that truly a sports jacket, I should have put a sports jacket on. No. If I'd got the memo I would have. You've got a little bit of man. If actually had the time to read the show notes before we recorded I would have. Yeah. I won't give you a hard time, I know you're still recovering. So I guess other pseudo-industry news, so Facebook wanted to become relevant, so they spent a billion dollars on Instagram. Microsoft wants to be relevant, so they spend a billion dollars on Yammer. Whoa . I hope it gets more enterprises using Yammer, because it's a part that is infused in a lot of enterprises. You know it would be funny. I wish that Microsoft would take that billion dollars and actually fix their whole life platform which was already a social network, and they could have actually used it to integrate better with Groove, right? So maybe if they just stopped blowing money on other companies and just fixed their own stuff, that would be a little helpful. I remember Groove. I really liked Groove. Groove's great. It was a way that I could have document on my machine but it was also on your machine, It was like Drop Box before Drop Box. That's right, yeah. Groove's a phenomenal technology. Microsoft has picked up so much phenomenal technology and they just destroy it. It sounds familiar! Talking about BMC. So I thought it was really interesting I got an email from ITSMF Fusion. I think you wanna get forward in, and actually we could, to examine why actually that's Edgar Allan Poe. No different. But to figure out why they changed their hashtag from Fusion 12 to SM Fusion or whatever that name it is. But the thing I found most interesting about the ITSMF Fusion, if you're going to that event, here in North America down at the Gaylord Texan, again two words you never together. The platinum sponsor, there's only one platinum sponsor for ITSMF Fusion Guess what mega company is the platinum sponsor? I may know who it is. Who is it? Merryville Technologies. So Merryville Technologies Technology is the platinum sponsor. Guess who the next level down, gold sponsors. Service Now. Isn't IBM one of them? Yep. Serena Software? Nope. will kill this game. Skull sponsors Axios, IBM, and Main Engine, Axios by the way just released... I said IBM Yes, I know you did. What? He said yes to that. there, you happy? Remember, I'm another generation. I need to be affirmed every 30 seconds. That's what Mrs. Barron says. And then some response was you've got no consulting portal, our friend Mainville, people start x-ing Bronze sponsors, service now, what i thought was real interesting thing about that was all the, you know, companies you considered bigger have settled down to the bottom, and then, you know, the mix is there, which kind of makes me wonder We see a lot of the big players missing from shows CA? I don't even think CA's on the list. No they're not. Maybe companies just get so big that they don't they don't need that type of exposure any more at these conferences. Why do you think this looks so backward to me? Well, I know IBM pulled out a few years ago of the show because they had their owned show going on at the same time. Pulse Yeah, Pulse. What was that, eight, nine, ten? They all blur together, I can't remember. Did you say Vicki I said they all blend in together. Who's Vicki Vale? Yeah, so check that out I thought that was pretty interesting. I will not be speaking at Fusion. Did you Did you submit? Of course I submitted. You got rejected. I wouldn't say that. I would not say rejected. I would say I rejected them. Oh, okay. You asked them and they said no, but you showed them, What do you think I'm doing now? Yeah, I'm sure they're all more of their members listen to this than actually go to that show. So, interesting question from Twitter, somebody by the name of CoopsScotty wanted me to ask you both. Okay, dumb question, but what makes ITSM practitioner or ITSM. What makes ITSM practitioner? That's the question. Okay, dumb question, what makes ITSM practitioner? So Hoop, Baron, for those people who say we don't ITSM enough I think the term, we complain about the term because of the fact that there were those who were consultants versus those who were practitioners and we were differentiating between a practitioner who was the person within the organization who is actually fulfilling IT service services, right? They're the ones who are supplying the delivery or the outcome of the IT service. As opposed to a vendor who might have products or or a vendor who might have services that is augmenting or adding some value to that service supply chain. And we take issue with it, I believe, as a as the three of us, that we are all practitioners if we practice in some form, delivering a service that enables technology to supply a business outcome. Right. So why are we differentiating? I don't know. I just thought he had a valid question. He wanted to know what makes someone an ITSM. It's a good question. It's a good question. Yeah. And if I just started listening to this show and heard us speak about it, I'd be like, "What in the heck are these guys talking about? That makes no sense." I really think some of it's come up on the show, more from the fact that we've mostly had vendors on. We've had more vendors on vendors and I hate that term vendor too. But people who are an external provider of service as opposed to the ones who are internal. We've hadWe got a few folks from companies, but we mostly had people from product companies or consulting companies. Well, Tori do a little radio show called practitioner radio. I mean, are we lying when we say that? Just because it's not radio. Yeah, you're liars. I'm okay with that. That last part was really good, too. I liked Troy's point about in-sourcing that it's not about getting their services into your company. It's about getting people into company and making them apply to your rules and using your systems. Not necessarily just saying, "Send out all your tasks". It's not outsourcing. It's good stuff. Axis had a webinar, two webinars this week with ITSM queen, our friend Sharon Taylor. She's become an expert on social IT now, her and a few of the gardener folks, but what I've found really interesting about the presentation was, they tweeted out not one, not two, but three.copy of my quotes. So I've got screenshots of them all, I'll put them in the show notes. Actually if you want to borrow my material, I mean, not a problem, just make sure you ask me for it. You put it on Twitter. Or retweet. By the way, Axios, yeah we won't say it, I forgot we can't bleep now that we're live. It's not that they read my tweets. They actually took stuff from a presentation and read it word for word as if it was their own. Oh, it wasn't tweets? Well yeah, I wish it was that nice. Do you know why? Here's a funny story, I won't name the company. Why not? Because I won't. Alright. Oh you still need funding. It was a previous partner of vigilance they actually took a deck that we had put together, took some of those materials out of it, put it their own presentation. And then when I showed up to present my materials, which had the same material, they followed up with a cease and desist letter to me to stop using materials which they basically stole from me. Wow. Where I had to go back and ask them to please produce the original materials and who actually created it and produce the name, and they couldn't. That's like what's going on with the Oatmeal right now, have you guys seen that? Yeah. No, tell me about it. So the Oatmeal's like a comic book site and basically there's another site. It's called Funky Junk and what Funky Junk does is it's like any other Pinterest or regurgitation site. You take funny stuff and you post it. So this bunch of people who post things they find that are interesting on the web. So Funky Junk had a bunch of the oatmeal cartoons actually on their site and the guy that runs the Oatmeal just kind of wrote on his site, hey, it's nice of you you steal my stuff you could at least say where it came from. Long story short, I'll put a link in the show notes, Funky Junk retained a lawyer and then sent the oatmeal a letter.and then the last paragraph of the letter says, according to this demand, you are hereby to perform the following remedial acts on or before June 12. Remove all mention of FunnyJunk and funnyjunk.com from The Oatmeal, your website, and any other you have control of. And deliver a check for $20,000 payable to the order of FunnyJunk, LLC. to this lawyer. So what The Oatmeal guy did was he created this comic and started a fund drive. And what he decided to do was he wanted to raise $20,000. Original demand. Take a photograph of it. And then donate it to charity. In eleven days, since he has retaliated, he has now on the Indiegogo fundraising site, raised 169,688 dollars. Yeah he hit the 20 G's in an hour. It's brilliant, his comics are fantastic. Good for him. I didn't give any money though. I would if you could crowd source your ITIL project. You can. Just post in on back to ITSM and people will answer your questions. I meant, like fund it. Since like companies are actually gonna fund it. Oh fund. Well, that's what we try to do with ITSM Extreme Makeover. Yeah. Some sad news in the IT world. We learned this week that Sophie Klossner, also a guest on the show, from HTI, and that's North America's... I'm just taking time to explain all the references this week HDI's just a lot of Klonopin this morning. North America's service and support organization. She's retiring as of the end of July. From HDI or altogether? Now that does not say. It just says, "With a heavy heart, HTI will be retiring after 20 plus years with Think HTI. Please give us your favorite Sophie moment." So, I was shocked. It took forever and no on put anything, but I put one out there. If any of our listeners know, or are an HDI member, of have ever met Sophie seen Sylvia at a conference, make sure you head out to the website. I'll put a link in the show notes where you can check that out. Or if you're watching on the Livestream now, you can check out HTI Connect and you'll see something from Dan Orrly right there. Good for her. Baron, you look bored. So, what are you writing? No. I have to write it down, so I make sure to put my memory on. And I saw the post. I just didn't post right away because I had to think about it for a while. She's a good kid, you know? Can you hold on while I pull up a notepad and gather some notes on what you're about to say? Come on. Do not. I need to write things down because I forget. I have ADHD. Squirrel! Prove it Snort an Adderall right now. I met her lots of time, she always remembers who I am. Maybe not my name, but she always remembers my face. Any news from you before I move on. A fantastic article about this CIO says that IT consultants don't have any innovation. They don't innovate in this enterprise anymore, so. So a CIO is telling the world that IT people or IT consultants don't know innovation. That's nice. He says when he needs real innovation he talks to entrepreneurs and start-up owners. And Nancy Reagan talked to a psychic. I mean, I don't see the relevance of this. And so, I think it is an interesting article because he's obviously choosing the wrong consulting vendors, it's really what it is. Or, he's just trying to make headlines. Who is it? It's possible. Don't say 'cause with my luck, "That's a freaking customer" or something. Equinix? They might be. I have no idea what you're talking about. so we'll move on. So have either of you had a chance to read my series over at the ITSM review called Dancy's World? Yes. Wait, I thought that was just a collection of of your posts. This is Martin Thompson's Yeah. I read some of it. Well, thank you. I've done five now they seem to be very, very provocative. I think that would be the word. What I find most interesting about this is that last night, someone asked me, "Why are you doing that? Why are you writing those over on his site?" And literally guys People think I'm a... Egomaniac? Yeah and some other bad words. So I thought I need a place where I can actually blog like the monster people paint you to be. So you should be a witch on his site and been a, what did Skepp call you? He called you something. I got it in the show notes today. He referred to me as an apoca-. An apoplectic enthusiasm. Apoplectic, yeah, enthusiasm, yeah. I don't know what he was trying to get across there. But I We would do a dramatic live reading each week from Dancy's World. Awesome. All right. That's a fantastic idea. OK. Do you mind? Is that OK with you? No. OK, wait, wait. Can we entitle this deep thoughts with Dancy? So this week is edict five and edict five is entitled in 2012 processing email isn't a skill, it's a full time career and an excerpt from edict five. People have been pronouncing the death of e-mail since the first email was sent. I'm sure with 100% of my futuristic talents, the e-mail's not gone anywhere. But e-mail as a skill, once it's created and sits in a container called your e-mail, your inbox is actually a dead skill. This is not because it's going to be useful moving forward. It's because in a sharing economy, we need to do more create silos of dead knowledge. I squarely blame the baby boomers, who used metrics from the nineteenth century factory mentality from preventing this depression in knowledge workers. I believe deeply in the organic nature of things, the rise of skills and the death of skills. Unfortunately, no one is running around screaming learn to create non-dead things. Think about it. Even a Microsoft Word document is dead. Where do you share this document? How do you collaborate on it? To make matters worse, will then take that word document, put it in an email, and send it to a peer. It's like you're tying a papyrus to a pterodactyl and letting it free from your cave. That's been this week's dramatic reading. I love how you're able to turn it on and out, Chris. You just say that all the time, sweetie. All right. So, I'm heading to England tomorrow. I'm keynoting at SDI in an Ovom conference over there. Who are you keynoting with? Who are the other keynotes? SDI, I'm doing the service desk of 2017. So, basically I've built a deck around supporting the first versions of AI. So, what do you do when a computer calls you. And then moving through to bio-ethicism, so supporting people who are hybrids all the way through supporting robots. so I think it's really awesome that one of your co-keynotes is a guy named James Timson. Yes. How did you know that? Well, 'cause I actually prepped. and so this guy James...That's a lie. We all know it. I actually really did prep. James Simpson, he never asked me if I wanted to do news. James Timson actually...After five weeks, I gave up. That's called a trend, right? So here's really interesting so I'm reading the bio on this guy, James Timpson. I guess Timpsons are all over the place. They're a family business in the UK. There's a ton of them. So, what are they known for? Well they're known for shoe repair, which is interesting, watch repair, engravers and key cutters. So what's really interesting is what are they also known for? Well they are the largest recruiters of ex-offenders in the UK. Whoa. So they have stores that cut keys into watch repair and they also hire people who are criminals. Former criminals. Reformed criminals. Yeah. Reformed Criminals. I guess it makes perfect sense. Does it say reformed? Or what does it say? Does it say reformed, or what does it say? It says ex-offenders. Ex-offenders. I was an offender but I quit. Or me and offending were together, but we're not anymore. Everyone's offended someone. do you think they go to Xavier's School for read-a-mind? Well, I'm sure that there's like a Carnegie Mellon for crooks and the UK. Yeah, well there's one in America called Harvard. This is true. They usually end up becoming politicians. Yeah. We can't talk about politics. So...I saw He's also going to be one of your keynote speakers. He's just presenting, he's not a keynote. Please don't affect my ego like that. You're sharing the stage with Barkley Ray. No, Barkley Ray is sharing the stage with me. You know Barkley, just hit him when he's there. I love Barkley. Yyou know it's really funny. Three years ago Barkley came up to me in Waterloo Station in London. He says to me, he just left Axios at the time and he goes, "Chris." You know, I can't do a Scottish accent. I can't do a Scottish accent, so I make him an old Jewish gay woman. I have to ask you - how do you make money doing any of those, with any of those tweets and stuff? That social media just doesn't make sense. Why would anybody do that? Yeah and then a year later he's the service desk inspector with a TV show. So...Get into my belly. Get into my belly, get into my. Wait we just. Live. Shut up I just forgot it was live. So Hooper, you rate into our friend the real Gene Kim. The real Gene Kim what a guy, what a guy. So you have to say that you're paid to. Well, we're not sure we're disclosing that yet, Beran. But, yeah, he is fantastic. He was a great presenter at ITSMF during once which we had a pretty good turn out. I was actually pretty impressed. And he did a great job talking about Deb Ops, just nails it. He so gets the point of operations and IT operations. So, it was a privilege to finally meet him in person. Oh, you'd never met him? I had never met him before, no. I mean I'm a huge visible ops fan. In every ITIL training I've ever given, I always talked about fragile CIs and had to make sure that people knew that that actually wasn't an ITIL term but It was a real world term that works and you should remember this after the test. It was great to meet him. So I ended up...we ended up chatting a little bit. I had the opportunity to take him to the airport. I told him I'd give him a ride. I'm riding in your car. You turn on the radio, you're pulling me closer, I just say no. Yeah, I Absolutely sure this the image that Gene wants to have of the. Of the Pointer sisters. Now was it in the hoop. Was it in the hoop, do we have the same thing I wrote in? Yes. Okay. I don't you own. No. Yeah. Nope. Neither did he. Nope. No, I no longer drive fancy cars. I have a Hyundai Sonata. A Hyundai. How do you pronounce that? Hyundai? Hyundai? Yeah. That sounds pretty fancy. Yeah, you add some extra syllables to make it more relevant. Yes, it's like Target. And Harororo. so Gene is writing a novel. This is really exciting news. When IT Fails? When IT Fails. And he gave me the opportunity to do a review on it and to read some of it and give it some feedback, which I found to be a really nice compliment. I dug into it, started reading it, and gave him some feedback. He had a submitted so I couldn't get too far, but boy, he's got it nailed. I'm reading the book, I found myself yelling at the people in the book, like come on you idiot, you know that's not how should you be releasing something. It is such a book for people who have been in IT Operations, VP IT of Operations or Network Administrator. So it's fifty shades of change their minds though. Yes, I kiss in porn What really interesting is a year ago he gave me a draft of this book, a year ago. And I was going through it, and I came back to him and said, "to build a marketing plan around this, right now you need to create all of the characters in the books as twitter accounts. And over the next year, have this roll out. No one listens to. And you should have created LinkedIn accounts for them. Dude, of course. Actually got them hired in different companies and. They were awesome. I mean it's Serena dog, which is Serena's. It's not even the head of their CIO. It's the character who plays the CIO for Serena. And if he's real but Jean King can write real characters. Yes. It's good though. You're gonna love the book. It's actually very well written. I give him so much credit. You know writing a book is hard enough, but to write a novel around ITSM, and kind of like IT-focused and for geeks, and not have to explain what a Sen is and all that kind of stuff, I mean that's brassy, so I applaud him. I think that's great. It says a lot about the industry too, that we're ready for that type of thing. But even beyond that, I tell you, as an individual so, I got the opportunity kind of share with him what were doing with smack, and he broke out in to this iPad frenzy and he started to show me this tool he built called Tweet Scribe which I'm now using which is awesome. I don't know if you've seen it, Chris? Of course. You do know who I am right? Yeah, yeah. You're such a snob. So he breaks into this interviewing process that was just fantastic. He gave me all his notes. He told me, this is how you have to interview people to get requirements. This is how you have focus on the use case. This is how you build a story and he also talked about this Con bon theory during ITSMF . Was it Con bon? I thought it was Cobon. He called it Con bon. If he pronounced it Conbon, that's right then. I mean, it's like, if he were to say horrible is pronounced horrirrible, it would actually be legitimate. Right. Cam-ban. Can-ban. The IT skeptic's all hot for Can-ban. He's a lot closer to Asian than I think the three of us are so I'm gonna go with kanban. You know, you don't have to make it racial. You know what? I'm gonna play the race card on that one. Play the race card. So Next you'll be telling me I'm a fairy. No, I'm not gonna go there. All right. So kanban theory, the work in progress piece of it, you can only have so many pieces of work in progress. And so here's an awesome expression that I have been saying over and over again since then: "I need to stop starting and start finishing". Yeah, most people call that work! No no no no no no no no no. No, I'm just kidding. It's not work. I know, I know. It's accomplishment. See I'm a very hard worker and I work a lot. I know, I know. I don't accomplish anything. Do you know what I have sitting on my desk? I'll show you how nuts I am. Look what's sitting on my desk. Yeah, it's holding your monitor up like. No, the other day I was actually working on some service catalog stuff believe it or not. Can we talk about ITSM? Okay Frank. No, so the IT skeptic, whatever his name is there, had a meltdown the other week and wrote this article about train stations and menus and service catalogs as if coming down with stone tablets error from. Did he talk about IT services at all, or is he still on a kick about the fact that, or has he finally succumbed to the fact there is no such thing as an IT service. I have no idea what he's doing. Oh,It's just, I hate the whole service catalog conversation, I'm tired of it. Unfortunately I have a day job now so You don't argue as much? It's amazing how much nothing has changed in a decade. Yeah so, tweet it. NO Now, I am very excited to potentially be involved with another G2G3 simulation. How is that gonna work? We've got a woman named Susan you know who she is, Susan Vanderholf Vanderhoven Oh yeah She was on, she's one of those ones with the 100 buttons Yeah shes got alots of those All black betty bam ba lam, Oh thats something else So hopefully were going to get her up to a client that we're working with, as I mentioned from consulting with us, compliance process partners Valerie Rajh and J. Martin, good folks, good Good team. Good team. Good team. Good team. So looking forward to that. Yes, Suzanne is on the board and I know she has something to do with Prism. Yes. Which was a wildly successful initiative. Did you see that tweet I had about the Boston consulting firm and IBM. Is it IBM or is it HP? Two years ago they came up with a standard for measuring IT Service Value. Have you heard about this standard? He remained in business and didn't get laid off. Have you heard about this standard. Have you heard about it? No I missed that. I apologize. Of course not, no one heard about it. They spent, like, 150,000 dollars Now you know how I feel when I do the news. He's sitting up there getting upset with us because we don't know some obscure standard he prepped three days to tell us all about. No, the point is that you don't know what it is. Did you guys read my recent post about Jonathon Feldman's how an enterprise needs to work like a startup. Where he interviewed Eric Ries. Did either one of you read that one? Did you? Did you? Hooper, Baron and I don't even follow you any more. I don't. I can't. How am I going to hire my PHP developer if you guys don't? Oh. Your self-deprecation is hilarious. Oh, you're one to talk. So tell us about your standard that no one's heard of. Well, I tweeted it two years ago. That they spent all this money on this standard, it was a $150,000 or something to develop this standard. And Memolane reminded me that I tweeted it. And I was like, 'Oh, OK.' And so I searched for it. You know, has it gone anywhere? Who is using it? No one's using it, no one's heard of it. Where did all this money come from? It's public sector money and it's just wasted. Sounds like big government at work. Yeah, sad. It was really funny. While you were talking about Gene Kim I thought I'd bring up the Wikipedia entry for DevOps. Have you guys ever looked up what DevOps is in Wikipedia? No. I have before, yeah. Would you like to know? Dramatic, dramatic was dramatic, DevOps is a software development method that stresses communication collaboration integration between software developers and information professionals. All right, that's been your DevOps dramatic reading. What the hell is wrong with me? Alright. Its funny google hang out like makes you quieter now because you yelled so loud and now you're quieter to the rest of us he's being really loud. I can't get over that you're wearing that jacket and a t shirt. I need to look more professional. Someone ribbed me because all I wear is t shirts when we're recording this. What's wrong with wearing T-shirts while we record this? I'm actually wearing my first V-neck because I got my back waxed so now I can wear things like that. Well no, it was getting on my nerves because as I get older I get a little fuzzy up on my shoulders. Yeah, I get it, trust me I get it. And I look over my shoulder, to look in the mirror to make sure that I get that parting glance just correctly. Yeah, you look like a bantam. Oh, goodness. Can we get some hair gel out and do up my shoulders? Another cool use for the Kinect, someone came out with this thing called Kinosite and it keeps track of where a remote is. So if you lose it in the couch, it says, hey, it's in the couch. You know, the places I lose my remote Gross. Hey, what did you guys think of the Ivanka Menken CMDB of intangible assets thing? The thing that I invoked her to write like the power of Christ that compelled her. Good, thank you. It was really funny because she was like, Chris Dancy made me write this, and I was like, the power of Christian invokes you, the power of Chris invokes you. Of Chris. So what was it. See, she went to an EO thing EO for those of you that don't know is Entrepreneurs' Organization and it's all motivational speakers. A lot of motivational speakers lately if you're watching conference streams. It's amazing how many people are unmotivated, but suddenly motivated to tweet something that they'll never pay attention to or follow. But she was listening to this speaker who was then talking about the intangible assets of an organization and how to value them. And, she tweeted it. Then, I of course, with my little bit of accounting background, said, isn't that we just call goodwill on a balance sheet? It's actually an asset; it's something that carries a value. So, six hours later she came back and said 'no, no, no.' And I said 'whatever.' Then she wrote this blog and we put a link in it, so what did you think? The statistic that jumped out at me that she tweeted was that in 1985 they said 32 percent of all assets from an SMP500 market value.. 32% were intangible of all assets from everyone that was on the SMP500 Now its 81% so if you look at the way that they treated IP back then terrible way of treating IP. and now the way that we treat it today it seems logical that we would need, it goes to your knowledge locker thing, that you were talking talking about Chris. I know, but it. What you know and what your employees know is more valuable than what you have. Well I was working on a documentary service now, talking about the value of having activity stream. And besides all the social stuff I said what's nice is your IP is protected 'cause it's in the cloud with your stuff and it's not like it's lost anywhere. So I don't know how I feel about that stat because I did read her post. I think in some ways scares me not as a business person but more as like a human. Cause I look at all the money that didn't exist in the markets, that just kind of evaporated when the markets went nuts. Yeah. And when I hear about, you know, what was the set? Eighty five percent of value...? It was 81%. Eighty one percent of corporate value assets today are are intangible. That's pretty crazy. It's bad. Cooper, you're a business person and smart. See, I take a different perspective all together. Of course you do, that's why you're on the show. If you agreed with us, we wouldn't have you. Assets don't have to be tangible to be valuable, right? I mean you have your greatest asset in your organization is your knowledge. Right, I think we're not disagreeing with that. We're agreeing that it's now 80% of the value of a business instead of 30% as it was twenty years ago. More of the business is intangible assets. Yeah, but i think thats good though. I mean if you look at where you wanna drive an economy at a scale. We want to be a society of people who are knowledged workers, right? I mean, you hate to say it and try to ignore that there's a class war that goes on globally, but there does and there is so if we can be a country full of, you know, high end professional knowledge workers, lawyers, doctors, people who basically set and regulate society versus the ones who actually have to put bolts in little trinkets and things like that then that's of higher value. So in every civilization that has these classes of workers, there's always some form of income inequality whether it be CCX whatever is making 90% and this move to this knowledge economy or reputation economy, something I don't talk about purposely in my presentations 'cause I think it would scare a lot of people. I mean just topic scares people that you know they have got some type of algorithm scoring them, and then I entered the society of a knowledge locker, but to me the really scary thing about this is in an economy like the one you described where money really isn't the thing that's making people inequal. So what is it going to be? In my opinion, it's gonna be access to information. access of information is the foundation of every single democracy on earth. So we're actually heading to a really scary point in time, as far as I'm concerned in humanity. Well did the see the windmill thing that Skep posted. No. It's a Ted Talk about a guy who in Africa, Myanmar I think and they're...can't produce enough food and he doesn't have any access to water. I thought Myanmar was on the other side of Thailand. It's not Myanmar then. Okay. I am not the best to geography in any case and to be honest I did not pay that much attention to be getting of it, but. We always get that assumption. [ xx] between Bangladesh and Thailand. Access to information has made you very powerful, Hooper. Actually, I had a friend who did volunteer work in Miyamart [sp?] You are wearing T-shirt shared with the entire Asian continent on. Actually that's what the grapesville. He went to. He went to the library and read about a windmill, and he built a windmill, and he's got a line that's as long as the city is of people that want to charge iphones and charge their cell phones on this wind mill. That access to information that he got for a few moments there King of the town. Yeah. You're talking about William Kamkwamba, does that sound familiar? William Kamkwamba? Like I said, did not pay attention. He just looked it up. Watch his eyes and watch what he does. Watching the TED talk right now, you guys keep going on. You could at least like hide your video or something. it's about resource though, right? He has a resource. Right. And what was his value? Was his value the windmill or was it the energy that came out of the windmill. His value was the publicity around the damn windmill. Ah, no his personal value's. Now the only people who fear everybody becoming heroes, is heroes. The only people fear everybody becoming a superstar superstars. Someone the other day, well, that goes on a bunch of things. The only reason we have the dollar value is because there is the Wall Street The Wall Street "The Wall Street?" like "The Internet?" "The Wall Street," yeah. What?! Have you started drinking when you're off the clock? Where is all of this coming from? I'm just saying, if you stop often looked at it from a rational, social standpoint, the dollar has zero value. It's called fiat currency. Look it up right now since you're so quick on the Internet. That's exactly correct and its because of the simple fact that we are being gameified and we have been gameified from mostly the Let's just blame the British or the Romans, one or the other. I think it goes back a little further than that but, yeah. Right? and this is exactly -- people say, you know, "What does this have to do with how people react in corporations and other things?" That is exactly the point. If you look at any, people who say the word and building their Empire building, that's exactly what they're doing. They're trying to overstate their dependency. Power . Yeah. And their power. And their value. But ultimately, knowledge workers are going to come to a point where you've only-- you've got so much knowledge available to you, you've got so much knowledge, you know, banked that you can trade or I mean, to me access to information is the new currency. But I won't go there. Let's talk about bringing your own device because this is another one of those things. I truly believe the reason bring your own device is such a crazy topic right now is because it truly represents again the income inequality in organizations. If I show up with a mapbook retina tomorrow at work, everyone's gonna think, "How much are they paying Chris?" They're not gonna think, "What a nice device." And again, I think, you wouldn't ask a plumber to come in to your house and use your wrench. You wouldn't ask a painter to come out of the house andYou wouldn't ask me to come work for you and use your equipment. Awesome. And as a knowledge worker we need to be sensitive to what BYOD actually is. and a lot of it's a threat to their bread and butter. That's a great analogy. Dude, you know who I am. But the plumber does come to my house and ask to use the toilet. He doesn't bring his own toilet. can guarantee you, if there's a plumber in your house, he's peeing in a can in his truck. Yeah. Have you ever been...I don't even want to go in to other people's bathrooms, although I always look in the medicine cabinet. I don't know what it is. There is something magical about other people's medicine cabinets. Who has medicine cabinets anymore? I do. Really? medicine cabinet. Dude do you know many meds I have? No, I don't. I am sure you have meds. I know you have meds. Hooper just rolled his eyes. That's awesome. thats the craziest super thing I've ever seen. Hey so I don't know if you've all seen this thing, I was looking at this earlier, it the vespa some worst cities to work and play. Okay. For some reason it was on CIO.com. I know why it was on CIO.com 'cause CIO.com sucks. Oh, it's horrible. It's was in the section, It was really funny. I mean, I would definitely put this in the show notes. You won't. Man, so they say Australia, they have like a down thumb. It's just a picture of a shark. It's literally, like, you know, something you'd see on Mashable or something. I have no idea why. It's like CIO.com could not go downhill faster. One does not simply live in Australia. All right. I don't know why CIO won't even be talking about that. Do you have any other news, Beran. I see you've got a few things here before we go because we're getting to the top of the show here. My gripe Taleo sucks. We haven't done gripe of the week in a long time. Oh, we have. Yeah. We used to do gripe of the week. You know those hiring platforms are just terrible. You know, I haven't applied to a job in a long time because I don't really think that's the best way to get a job, it's better to just talk to people. Man those application tools? I tried doing it in a grocery store paying for food, it just doesn't work. Is this breaking news now that you're looking for work? No, I was just -- yes. Definitely. Every time. All the time. Everyday. Any one who is a consultant is always looking for work. But no, it totally sucks. I can't believe that it still is in business. Bodery streaming? Did you guys check out Bodery streaming at all? No. Oh, man, it's better than going to the concert. You don't have to touch any sweaty, dirty people, you don't have to use a Porta-Potty, but you see -- What are you talking about? Bonnaroo. it's a music festival in California. Oh, my God, I feel so old. Do you have any idea what he's talking about, Hooper? I really don't, no. They streamed it live on YouTube, like the entire concert, so every single venue, every single artist on there for free. Really? This is fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. Ah this is a good one! There's a site... I think it's in the UK. What's their bloody name? I can say that because I went to a UK dealer. You suddenly can't think of something and you turn into an English person. What's the bloody name? Cogan. And if you use Internet Explorer, they tax everything that you buy on their site an additional seven percent, because you're using Internet Explorer. Fantastic. No way, really? Just to make you not use Internet Explorer on the site. Exactly, you got a link. That's brilliant. Download Firefox. Download Chrome and you don't have to pay this tax but people still pay it. That is gonna be my smack marketing stragtegy. I tell you right now, IE is killing us. It's terrible. Then why is it not supported. Because too many people use it? Too many people use it so we're working with a bunch of recruitment firms right now target market is the hunters. And so they were all like...like we have one client who's IE 7. And they're a national firm. And it's cause their homegrown tracking system uses IE 7. And we're just like, 'All right, you know, can can you get Chrome on there? And can you just open two browsers?' Nice. Oh, it's killing this whole week instead of putting out, this is actually part of that article I was talking about earlier with Eric Ries inside of Innovation. You still see these big companies spend 80% of their time keeping the light on us and twenty percent innovating. But this is exactly the reason. It's like, you know, we're a small shop start-up. You know, we couldn't be more agile. Yet this whole week we lost putting new features and bringing some great technology to the people because we have to fix IE issues because it can't support the standards that are out there. It's just crazy. Junk. It's a waste of time, it's a waste of money. It's junk. That's where Microsoft should be spending their billions of dollars Yeah, you think? Okay, and then last one, great bring your own device article. I thought it was very well stated. "Technology in itself is not And technology exists to augment and amplify human potential, and I think it's Northwestern University that's actually to give the talk on it? But they use a hundred percent BYOD. Yeah, it's like I just said, but that's true of all of humankind's tools. They have always been just to amplify their ability. A spear is just an easier way to kill a deer, because killing deer with your bare hands, especially if it's a big deer. Oh, dear. It's a sport. Do you have any news? We've talked about most of my news, but I got a graph of the week I would like to share. Oh, go ahead. This isn't a gripe that I really experience anymore. Now is the time to bring it up. Dotted line reporting. What does that mean? Dotted line reporting. You know, like, "Oh, this person is in IT, but they don't really report directly from me. They work for the local manager. They're a dotted line to me. Why are they a dotted line? Be no line. Yeah. Thank you, Barron. I met a major client right now where we have to decide assignment groups for an ITSM initiative. It is like pulling teeth. I am in hell over it. and you know, we've come to the point now where it's just like are you an incident group? Change group? Request group? Awesome. Fantastic. groups, let's just go with that. Because their organizational structure is so poor, and it changes so often like why do you not understand your business Well enough to organize yourself. They're trying to put themselves functionally and kind of process titles. It kills me, we've got process. title. And we can give process groups no problem, but they fight it to death. Yeah, it blows my mind, you know, where You see these decisions people make from an org-chart standpoint, and I just say to myself, who actually looked at this and said, oh, that's a good idea; let's do that. I think a large amount of this company's specific problems is that there's so much upper that like most people are middle heavy right? Middle management is like this. This company is top heavy instead of middle heavy. It's like directors, VPs, Senior VPs. These are the only people doing work there. It's gotta be either a bank or an insurance company. No comment. No comment. So somebody check Matt Beran on Foursquare. I don't check-in anywhere. I don't. I stopped using Foursquare. So, a client I used to work at -- they actually had someone who was the "problem manager," and I know there's a lot of people in that role. My boss is the problem manager. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know a lot of problem managers. But the reality, it's like why do people not get the idea of a role? You know, did they never play cops and robbers as a kid? Put on a couple extra pounds. I mean, you get rolls for days. I don't know, the whole thing just seems silly to me. Every time my partner works for a very large financial organization. And he's in development. Been there for twenty years. And it's funny because he'll come home, he'll be on call, he'll get calls about production blows up and I'll listen in. Before he even will help someone, did you create a ticket? So he's a developer, he won't even talk to them until I created the ticket. But, they say 'yes', he then hangs up the phone, remote dials in to make sure the ticket's there and then starts to help. Finally! You know, I said to him the other week. I go, I just want you to know that you're the reason people hate IT. He goes, well why do you even care? and I said, do you know what I do for a living, and he goes, seriously so we sat down after 17 years of being together and we talked about what we each did and it It turns out I am living with the enemy! That is awesome. It's like Stockholm Syndrome, I just don't know what to do. Do I kiss him do I get him fired? i just don't know. You should just set to your bi-line: Living with the enemy. Living with the enemy. Tech fluffer. Alright and then I guess the last thing for me, I've got an announcement. I hope we don't have too many people streaming so word doesn't get out too fast. But, you're leaving service now. Please, I've been. He needs to make money. Yeah, come on. No, so, I've had an idea for some time and we've been very successful with these Google Hangouts. And I've kind of put some things into motion that I'll be announcing next week after the STI conference, officially. But I've secured one time.and I'm working on the other two. But coming December 1st, we will actually be streaming a 'un-conference' for IT Service Management Professionals starting in Auckland, New Zealand going time zone by time zone, following the sun over a Google hangout continuously for 24 hours with the support of Google themselves. Awesome. That's fantastic. How are you going to stay awake? I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm doing it. That needs to be on the soundboard. No, no no. You'll have all the details next week. but there are 24 available slots. We're looking for 8 people in the Oceania- It's like and ITS-amathon. Yep, we're looking for 8 people in Oceania, 8 people in Europe, 8 people in North America to handle 24 hours of programming. We'll be looking for 48 people altogether so each person has a back up every hour on the hour following the sun we will start and bring out a new speaker all streamed live. No registration and available afterwards on YouTube Can I man the phone banks? This is not a telethon. I just want to be sitting in the back. And then we can only get this release approved if you call now your next speaker is waiting in the wings and we need one more pledge. You get this stuffed Hooper doll at the 250 dollar level. You get this Matt Barron bottle of Ritalin at the $500 level. Ritalin's not that expensive. A bouncy ball. Bouncy ball. So yeah, I'm very excited Hopefully, we can get the things worked out with the folk server in the UK next week. But, it just dawned on me, I've been working on it for a while and it finally came to ahead last week because there were folks in South Africa tweeting and conversing with the folks having a conference in New Zealand. And I said to myself, Can we devote Can we just dissolve this whole chapter mentality and just have a conference, a global conference? And someone sent me an email said, 'Well, we can't do that because you can't fly everybody everywhere.' And I'm, like, 'No, we'll just do one.' Well, then you can't do that, because you know, time zone.' I'm like, 'OK, we'll just keep it going.' So I made some contacts and got a hold of someone at Google and contacted someone over in Australia, and looks like we are good to go for December 1st. So watch this space if you want to be a speaker. We're looking for, you know, creme de la creme, top of the top. And the good thing about being or submitting to be a speaker when we do go live, is the speaking slots will be crowdsourced by Listly. So the top 24 people who get voted up on Listly get the spots. Okay. So you know you just violated every rule of a un-conference, right? How so? You're not supposed to determine the topics before you get to the conference. The whole thing is supposed to happen by the people present and, yeah. And obviously that would be the best scenario, but we're dealing with a very volatile technology. Nothing's ever been streamed continuously via a Google hangout 24 hours. So we're actually breaking a world record but I was gonna wait to announce that 'til next week. Thanks for ruining it, Hooper. Well you know what, why don't we just stay on right now. I'm gonna need a few more of these. Oh man. And I'm two hours ahead of you. You guys are nuts. Actually, we just broke a world record. We actually talked about ITSM for almost one solid hour.\ It took 91 episodes. I know women who go through labor quicker than it took us to get to ITSM topics. You notice, it's so hard though, when, it was easier for me to do this when I wasn't consulting but after spending all week automating an HR onboarding process. The last thing I want to do right now is talk about ITSM. You mean when you weren't working before it was easier to talk about work? Yeah, well Yes, thanks to wife, I actually do work at Smack, even though I just don't get paid is the difference. Money's overrated. I think that's good, I think we've got all of our topics. For those of you who've been watching, or been a part of the show for a long time, we switched from Google Docs to Evernote, so now we just share an Evernote folder, and as we see things, we email it into the Evernote folder and share it with each other. With that, we will catch everyone in two weeks, Episode 92, and let's try to get Mr. Kim on. I know we've got a commitment from Hank Marquis. Gene's in. Actually I talked to him, he's in. He had his deadline for his book this week so he was a no go for this week, but definitely looking forward to being on the show with us. All right, we'll get Gene Kim on. I want to give a shout-out to somebody else, too, if I could. Okay, it's prom season, go ahead. All right, thank you. If it's all right. No, it's your show. Okay. Well, I'll share it with you. I just want to make sure you're okay with it. Hold on, hold on Yeah. Right OK. We didn't have an ITSMF for New England there was a no show from one of the speakers. Robert Straud didn't show up. I'm not exactly sure what the details were. He was busy cross-posting his latest video to 18 sources. Cross-posting and his time traveling Stargate thing was broken. When I think of something. So Carlos Casanova who we've talked about but yet to have on the show. Carlos Casanova, he's been on the show. When? Well, maybe he hasn't. It was good to see, it gave me a lot of respect for Carlos and also gave me a lot of respect for the local folks her in the ITSM group in New England even though I'm not a member anymore. I have a lot of respect for them and for what they continue to do. I know there is a lot of other folks in their chapters in their local chapters and people who listen to this show. are dedicating a lot of their own personal time to that. And so I just wanted to say thank you. You know, thank you to all of you if you're volunteering and for all the work that everybody does to kind of keep this stuff alive it takes a lot. And you know, when you see it in action, it really is appreciated. Because it's just so easy to go to a conference and sit back and do nothing. And so thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, Matt Hooper that was beautiful. God I can see Carlos just loving that. He is a good dude. He is a nice guy Robby, give him a ring and see if he wants to come on without Gene Kim at the same time. They probably won't wanna do the Hangout, which will be sad. So, yeah, so thank you, Carlos. Yeah, there are a lot of volunteers. I just resigned from the ITSMF Podcast, the USA podcast. So, they actually got Edie Vedell from HDI now in doing that. So, volunteering is tough work. I mean that takes a lot of. I know spent hours for preparing for this show. Dude, Blondie here shows up in a t-shirt with a beer. Put on a sport coat then suddenly becomes Alright, this has been ITSM Weekly, the Podcast episode 91 for the week ending June 28th. We'll see you all next week. Thanks. Bye everybody. Adios. Bye. This was ITSM Weekly, thank you for listening. For more information about this podcast and ITSM news, go to ITSMWeekly.com. ITSM Weekly, the podcast bringing you news, insight, analysis, and information from the world of IT service management. Your hosts, Matthew Hooper, Chris Anthony, and Matt Baron. IT service managment weekly, the podcast starts now. Welcome to ITSM Weekly the podcast, episode 91 for the week ending, we'll make it June 20th, because we're always a little bit in the future. Something like that. How are you guys doing? Excellent. Fantastic. I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. Those are the 5 words I never want to hear. Past 5 days have flown by for a clean June 20th. Yes, well said. We're going to go ahead and record today we have a very special guest on. That special guest is my invisible friend. No. Let's get going right with some news Darren, do you have anything for us? Tons. We should mention Top of the World premier. Another podcast. You can listen to Aleruses' real voice, if you so choose. I thought Debilling did a pretty good job owning that. We'll see where that goes. It's kind of fun to listen to the Swedish accent or the Norwegian accent because I get a lot that around here in Minnesota. Yes, I thought it was a very good show. I thought Ross did a nice music is custom for ITSM Weekly Top of the World edition. And somebody even made fun saying it reminded them of that old song "I'm on top of the world looking down on creation." Oh well. Yeah, it was a good show. I do not know Hooper, you haven't had a chance to listen to it. You're still recovering from the drama that was, I don't know, the situation with math challenge. In your new office that's kind of nice. I'm in my new office, yes. So, tell us a little bit about this office you're in now. It's in Kabul, that's why in a tent. You're in Kabul. No, my new office is my back yard. Beautiful here. That's nice. What a beautiful day it is. As a kid did you ever camp in the back. Oh, wow. That was really nice. Maybe we should do a podcast completely outside once. We should. I'm down. Yeah. I'll go out right now. Yeah, we used to do that as kids I grew up more in the city. So camping for me wasn't as much of an experience as it would be for my kids camping in this backyard. Every time I camped as a kid, it always turned out awkward for everyone. Yeah. I'm sure. Every time I've podcasted as an adult, it turned out awkward for everyone. That's right. I would always hear, ...to wrestle you so freakin' bad. I want to wrestle you so freakin' bad. It was just one of those things as a child it just never worked out well for anyone. Yes. It's kind of like teaching ITIL. Speaking of teaching ITIL, did you see [Hay Marquois] is looking for ITIL trainers? No, I didn't. I missed that. Where is, where did he land right now? he's back at global knowledge we talked about it last week, but I wouldn't want you to pay attention while you're recording. Not while you're recording, before and only before. Yeah, what's funny if you read that tweet in England, it means he's looking for altoid sneakers, which is awkward for everyone as well. Trainers? Yeah, trainers. What do they call them in the UK, teachers? No, they call sneakers trainers I thought. Or maybe they call sweatpants trainers. I would think that they'd call trainers sneakers. Terrible. OK, so other news: Evernote to release activity stream today. I saw that, but it looked like it was just for windows. Oh, really I did not see if it does. 'Cause it's not on mine. I saw you tweet that you were excited about it. I thought, It's just on the Windows client. What are you, backsliding? Another reason that I have to install VM again. Or another reason just to actually pay attention to what you actually click on and read. Come on, Chris. Don't give me that. If it's on PC, it's coming on Mac. I think it's a great idea. I think everything should have an activity and if you disagree with me, I know you're lying. Dude, I'm still overwhelmed with what you like something from Miami Vice Circa '91. We got like Crockett and Tubbs. Is that truly a sports jacket, I should have put a sports jacket on. No. If I'd got the memo I would have. You've got a little bit of man. If actually had the time to read the show notes before we recorded I would have. Yeah. I won't give you a hard time, I know you're still recovering. So I guess other pseudo-industry news, so Facebook wanted to become relevant, so they spent a billion dollars on Instagram. Microsoft wants to be relevant, so they spend a billion dollars on Yammer. Whoa . I hope it gets more enterprises using Yammer, because it's a part that is infused in a lot of enterprises. You know it would be funny. I wish that Microsoft would take that billion dollars and actually fix their whole life platform which was already a social network, and they could have actually used it to integrate better with Groove, right? So maybe if they just stopped blowing money on other companies and just fixed their own stuff, that would be a little helpful. I remember Groove. I really liked Groove. Groove's great. It was a way that I could have document on my machine but it was also on your machine, It was like Drop Box before Drop Box. That's right, yeah. Groove's a phenomenal technology. Microsoft has picked up so much phenomenal technology and they just destroy it. It sounds familiar! Talking about BMC. So I thought it was really interesting I got an email from ITSMF Fusion. I think you wanna get forward in, and actually we could, to examine why actually that's Edgar Allan Poe. No different. But to figure out why they changed their hashtag from Fusion 12 to SM Fusion or whatever that name it is. But the thing I found most interesting about the ITSMF Fusion, if you're going to that event, here in North America down at the Gaylord Texan, again two words you never together. The platinum sponsor, there's only one platinum sponsor for ITSMF Fusion Guess what mega company is the platinum sponsor? I may know who it is. Who is it? Merryville Technologies. So Merryville Technologies Technology is the platinum sponsor. Guess who the next level down, gold sponsors. Service Now. Isn't IBM one of them? Yep. Serena Software? Nope. will kill this game. Skull sponsors Axios, IBM, and Main Engine, Axios by the way just released... I said IBM Yes, I know you did. What? He said yes to that. there, you happy? Remember, I'm another generation. I need to be affirmed every 30 seconds. That's what Mrs. Barron says. And then some response was you've got no consulting portal, our friend Mainville, people start x-ing Bronze sponsors, service now, what i thought was real interesting thing about that was all the, you know, companies you considered bigger have settled down to the bottom, and then, you know, the mix is there, which kind of makes me wonder We see a lot of the big players missing from shows CA? I don't even think CA's on the list. No they're not. Maybe companies just get so big that they don't they don't need that type of exposure any more at these conferences. Why do you think this looks so backward to me? Well, I know IBM pulled out a few years ago of the show because they had their owned show going on at the same time. Pulse Yeah, Pulse. What was that, eight, nine, ten? They all blur together, I can't remember. Did you say Vicki I said they all blend in together. Who's Vicki Vale? Yeah, so check that out I thought that was prett

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4. Sleazy McQueen - Fantasy

Sleazy McQueen - Fantasy

. Artist: Sleazy McQueen Release Title: Deep Blue Voodoo EP Remixers: John Larner, Nono Brown Label: Deepfunk Records Catalog Number: DFR013 Disco dancing super hero Sleazy McQueen bounds forth with the lucky thirteenth single from L.A.'s Deepfunk imprint, the Deep Blue Voodoo EP. It's a beautiful slice of deep, rhythmic goodness, powered by a pair of Sleazy originals: "Fantasy" and "Love Bandit (You Stole My Heart)." With recent well-received forays on labels like Headtunes, Hairy Claw, Bananza, and Eighth Dimension the Deep Blue Voodoo EP gives evidence to Mr. McQueen's growing evolution as a DJ/producer, making him a candidate for constant supervision. In other words, keep an eye on this guy. He's making great music while he's simultaneously up to no good. Evidence in hand: the floating disco hovercraft that is "Fantasy." Filled with dancefloor laser beams and fog machine funk it's a brilliant call to synchronized hip moves. Laid back vocal bits and atmospheric clap beats lead the way. Muzique Boutique's John Larner is suddenly on hand for a 4-on-the-floor house injection, his Deep Sexy Remix raising the tempo and temperature alike. Bouncy basslines and flirty 303s abound making for an effective, club-worthy ride. Sleazy McQueen's two-pronged assault continues with the evocatively titled "Love Bandit (You Stole My Heart)." It's a track well-suited for repeated plays in the funk bunk, playfully sprinkled with wah-wah guitar moments, squelchy key pads, and a seductive low-end rumble. Not content with just one version, McQueen re-tools his own track into an ominous Space Dub. Crafty percussion, the return of those dancefloor lasers, and Italo-infected synth patches collide in a memorable cut for slinkier club sets. Lastly, French producer Nono Brown provides the Yin to the Space Dub's Yang: a hi-hat heavy remix that jacks to the max. This version's melody is all in the low-slung bassline as filtered and tweaked out samples from the original cut in and out above the fray. This one's strictly for the DJs. Deepfunk is absolutely pleased to give you the Deep Blue Voodoo EP, courtesy of the incomparable Sleazy McQueen. We hope you dig it and make it a part of your funky arsenal. Stay tuned for more equally delicious offerings coming your way from Deepfunk. Robert Owens - "Great vibe" Luke Solomon - "Very cool indeed, great package." Gavin Hardkiss (Hawke) - "Love it sleezy!!" Andy Riley (Inland Knights) - "Deep Sexy mix all the way" Joshua Heath - "LOVE Fantasy. Super smooth disco grooves, perfect sunrise material. All in all a solid package." Ken ECB - "Super hot!" Tom Findlay (Groove Armada) - "Liking the John Larner mix" Tommy Largo - "John Larner's remix is great. Also like the Nono Brown remix a lot. Will play!" John Mateo (Mateo & Matos) - "Nice vibe...Smooth vocal." Frankie J. (Sound Republic) - "This a really solid release. Something for everyone on here." DJ Dennis - "Sleazy has a grip on funk just like a stripper does on her dollar billz...Fantasy is funktastic! His dub is uber sleazy too! This EP is loft party destined." Justin Harris - "John Larner and Nono Brown mix ;)" Peter Christianson (Lawnchair Generals) - "Funky disco Fantasy for me, nicely done." Newby (Da Sunlounge) - "Always been a fan of Deepfunk. Fantasy and John Larner's mix are nice. Most tracks on this ep will find my support in sets." Bruce Tantum - "Funky as shit! I'll be playing the original mix a lot." Richie Hartness - "Sleazy's flavour of disco filled atmospheric house deepness continues with the latest EP - kicking off with Fantasy - laid back lounge grooves and a laser beam peppered fog machine vibe! " Al Bradley - "Amazing stuff all round here, the original of 'Fantasy' is pure class, what a superb dancefloor bomb." Blacksoul - "Sleazy is on crack! Crazy music but damn I like it a lot!" Rob Grega - "Fantasy is awesome!" SimonG - "Sweet selection of tunes with sneaky dancfloor remixes... John Larner does it for me with deep bubbling basslines and crisp production .. the orignal of Fantasy is laced with skanky funky beats .." Pete Dafeet - "Fantasy is tasty" Short Bus Kids - "Really cool ep...will be supporting for sure in all my shows." Da Funk - "Fantasy original is the bomb!" Anthony Mansfield - "Proper sleaze" DJ Friction - "Proper discofunkin on Fantasy original. like that. Love Bandit space dub is nice too!" Jon Freer - "Cool stuff. SMcQ & Deepfunk on form :)" DJ Harri - "Loving og mix of Fantasy." Flash Atkins - "Love Sleazy McQueen stuff and this is no exception....Fantasy all the way for me" "Deep Blue Voodoo EP" by Sleazy McQueen is available from fine shops everywhere, like these: iTunes / Juno / Stompy / DJ Tunes / Amazon / Bandcamp

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5. We're all Giants: SF Giants World Series documentary #SanFranciscoCrosscurrents #SoundsofSF

  • Published: 2012-03-20T01:46:48Z
  • By KALW
We're all Giants: SF Giants World Series documentary #SanFranciscoCrosscurrents #SoundsofSF

HANA BABA: Sports aren’t for everyone. And baseball, in particular, can be a hard sell. The baseball season has 162 games, and these games feel like they last forever – the players always seem to do a lot of standing around and spitting, never much actual playing. So why is it the national pastime? Any fan might tell you it’s about the skill of the game – strategy combined with athleticism. But it’s more than that. JON MILLER: My dad was a baseball fan, a sports fan, and in those days the games were on the radio. And he always had a ballgame on the radio. CELINA HARRINGTON: I’ve played sports since the third grade. Used to go to baseball games with my father. Baseball is something that families and friends can share with one another, regardless of whatever else may be going on in their lives. It’s something that parents enjoy with their kids, passing down their love and loyalty for a team to the next generation. KYLE TREFNY: From when I first went to one of their games, and it was really fun there. I got a ball, and Tim Lincecum signed it. And since then, I’ve really become a Giants fan. But the Giants’ magical World Series win in 2010 wasn’t just a victory for lifelong fans, or even sports fans – it was special for everyone. Their World Series run was a great story. It gave everyone in the Bay Area a reason to high-five strangers in the street, even if they’d never watched a baseball game before. CHILDREN (chanting): Let’s go Giants! (fans cheer) This is a story about what it means for everyone. For the homegrown fans who have worn orange and black since before they could walk… JON MILLER: 1962 is when I saw my first game. BRUCE JENKINS: I've been around here since ‘66, and I’ve followed them extremely closely, so I do go back quite a few years. ALAN FARLEY: I mean, I haven’t been a Giants fan for 54 years like some people. Only what – 23 years? That’s practically nothing. …for the transplants who swore off their old home teams when they moved to the Bay. For the bandwagoners, who couldn’t help but get swept up in Giants mania. ERIN TREFNY: Mmm, well, it was fun. They won. And everybody else was excited, so why shouldn’t I? DANI DUNLEVY: I saw the hair attached to the Lincecum wigs and the panda hats. It was all of those different items that made me fall in love with the Giants. ROBERT CARTER: I’m really not a Giants fan, but this year you couldn’t help but be a Giants fan. We’re going to have some help to tell this tale: BRUCE JENKINS: My name is Bruce Jenkins. I'm a sports columnist with the San Francisco Chronicle. JOE BURKE: My name is Joe Burke, morning announcer here on KALW. DAVINCI: My name is DaVinci, and I’m from here, my home, San Francisco Bay Area. And I’ve been rapping for about six years. Feel me? GRANT BRISBEE: My name is Grant Brisbee, and I write for McCovey Chronicles. ALAN FARLEY: My name is Alan Farley, and I’m a producer and announcer at KALW radio. ASHKON DAVARAN: My name is Ashkon Davaran. And I’m an entertainer. JON MILLER: My name is Jon Miller. I broadcast Giants baseball on radio and television. And we’ve got some help from you – the fans – the people who came together, whether they cared about baseball or not. This is the story of the underdog team that was always pushing the envelope when it came to fashion, to nicknames and to hairstyles … on their faces! It’s the story of a ragtag group of veterans, rookies, and relative nobodies who rose to the occasion to bring home their first World Series trophy. This is the story of the San Francisco Giants. So who are the San Francisco Giants? Let’s go ahead and meet them as they take the field for Game 5 of the World Series. Manager Bruce Bochy has made a makeshift lineup in practically every playoff game, and Game 5 is no exception. JON MILLER: “This is the lineup for the epic Game 5.” Along with the music they walk up to the plate with, here are your San Francisco Giants: JON MILLER: “Andres Torres, leading off, in right field.” A 31-year-old rookie, who languished 10 years in the minor leagues. But he is fast. BRUCE JENKINS: Andres Torres is basically a track runner. When you watch him run with the pumping of the arms he looks exactly like an Olympic sprinter. A great athlete, incredibly humble, very, very grateful to have had a rebirth in the game. He's extremely grateful to be where he is and he's made the most of it. A real, real burst of energy from that guy, on the field and off. Batting second… JON MILLER: “Freddy Sanchez, 2nd base.” An oft-injured former batting champ who never played for a winning team. BRUCE JENKINS: Freddy Sanchez grew up as a Dodger fan. A real intense Dodger fan. And when he came to the Giants it was against his will – he was traded. It wasn't a free agent choice that he made. It freaked him out, it really did. He had a really hard time believing that he was wearing the other team’s uniform, the Giants uniform. The dreaded Giants. The hated Giants. And he gradually got over that, and by the end of the season, he was as valuable hitter as they had on the team. JON MILLER: Buster Posey. We didn’t know it then, but he was Rookie of the Year. I think we felt like we knew it. He was the catcher, hitting third. BRUCE JENKINS: For this kid to arrive in such a fashion so early in his career and basically take over … he took over the team in the sense that if you'd ask guys "Who's the one guy you'd want up there in the top of the ninth, and you're down two with two guys on,” most of the guys, if not all, would've said, “Posey.” They would’ve thought about it and they would’ve gone… GRANT BRISBEE: Buster Posey. Just because you can really kind of separate the season into before Buster Posey was the starting catcher, and after. And after Buster Posey was the starting catcher, the Giants were amazing. BRUCE JENKINS:And then he goes behind the plate and catches this, this pitching staff. You know it's a complex assignment. So he's in charge of that and then he comes up with this cannon-throwing arm where he shuts down this other team’s running game. It was dreamlike. And you know he's a very humble guy. So he's basically not real, I would say. That's not a real person. Batting fourth… JON MILLER: Cody Ross, in left field, hitting cleanup. The man who began the postseason hitting seventh, eighth in the order, hitting cleanup for the first time as a Giant. Quite a turnaround. Ross was waived – basically fired – mid-season by the Florida Marlins. BRUCE JENKINS: Yeah, Cody Ross was crushed to be leaving Florida because it was a team that he, not necessarily embraced as the team he wanted to play for for the rest of his life, but just that the team had given up on him. And he went right into the, to the front offices and confronted a couple, I don't know if it was the general manager, but he said basically, "You have made a huge mistake here." And he actually started crying. Not like sobbing, but tears were coming out of his eyes. “You've made a huge mistake here.” And they did. They did make a huge mistake. He's a guy who, he's completely fearless. He wanted to be a rodeo clown, or be in the rodeo. And he really did, you know he just wanted to get out there and have a horse buck him four rows deep into the seats. JON MILLER: “Juan Uribe, 3rd base, hitting fifth.” BRUCE JENKINS: Juan Uribe is absolutely invaluable. He's a real cheerful guy. He's so in love with the game, he loves everything about it. He loves getting there early and hanging out with the guys, telling jokes. He was a big, uh, really one of the kingpins of the Hispanic group, which is huge – they have probably 10 or 12 Hispanic guys on the team. Played wherever, whenever, at whatever moment. JON MILLER: “Aubrey Huff, at 1st base, hitting sixth.” The team’s leading power hitter and wearer of the red rally thong – no kidding. BRUCE JENKINS: He's still a real salty guy. I mean he's the guy with the uh … with the thong. You know he'll light up a cigarette every now and then, you know. And uh, he grew up in a trailer in Texas for heaven's sake, you know, but man is he a good hitter. He has just got a sweet left-handed swing and uh, you always need the sort of the old hand there to kind of keep guys in line and uh, and Huff proved to be that guy. JON MILLER: “Pat Burrell, the designated hitter, hitting seventh.” Another mid-season pickup who was sitting on his couch when the Giants called. Pat Burrell. Pat “The Bat.” BRUCE JENKINS: Pat Burrell really had a rebirth here. He's a local guy, obviously a high school hero. And went to the Phillies, which can be a real nasty town if you're a streak hitter who strikes out a lot. And he struck out a ton when he first got there, and they just about booed him out of town. He went to Tampa Bay and didn't have a good experience there. He's a little quiet, but he proved to be a real leader on the team. You know, he was playing in his hometown, they were winning, he was doing great things, and that sense of belonging really got a hold on his soul and his personality. Brought out the best in him. Again, another unlikely story that proved to be invaluable. JON MILLER: “Edgar Renteria, at shortstop, batting eighth.” Ah, the oft-injured Renteria. BRUCE JENKINS: Edgar Renteria, yeah. He was … he was just, uh … he talked about retiring I think in, like, late August. The feeling was, “Well if you leave now that would be okay. You might as well – you're hurt, you're not playing much.” JON MILLER: It was like his 34-year-old body, or whatever he was – when I say 34 it always seems like he can’t be 34, he must be 39 or something. But it looked like his body was 39 or 40 years old. It really at one point seemed like if he played three or four days in a row, he was going to break down. And I think that was probably more often than not the case. And Edgar hit three home runs the whole season. BRUCE JENKINS: But he's got so much pride. He's done so many important things for winning teams. He's a guy who ended a World Series with a single up the middle, for heaven’s sake. That was when he played for the Florida Marlins, 13 years earlier, in 1997. JON MILLER: “Aaron Rowand, in centerfield, batting ninth.” In 2010, he had the worst batting average of his 10-year career, by far. BRUCE JENKINS: But he was a guy who, again, another guy who's been on a World Series team. He's done a lot of winning. He loses his job to Torres, and the fans are down on him. They're wondering, he shouldn't even be on the post-season roster. You know he kept his head up, he totally got was going on in that clubhouse. And he sure as heck wasn't gonna be the one to bring it down by grousing about his own situation. And it was real genuine, I don't think he was faking it. He really felt like this team was going somewhere. “Maybe I'll sneak in there...” And sure enough, who was the center fielder in Game 5? Aaron Rowand. JON MILLER: And the pitcher for the Giants, in this big game, the biggest game in San Francisco Giants history as it turned out – Tim Lincecum. Just the man you’d want out there for a big game. And very much the symbolic leader of the pack. BRUCE JENKINS: Tim Lincecum. I saw him leaving the clubhouse one day, and he's dressed in all black and he's got this little weird black hat on. And he's walking his, his boxer dog to the clubhouse. He looked like Patti Smith in 1982. (laughs) Who is this guy? Who is Tim Lincecum? I mean, he's a little tiny guy who can throw a ball through a wall. He's … I don't even know where to start with Lincecum. He's such a trip. I mean he's basically a chill kind of stoner guy from Seattle and uh, he can strike out anybody in the game at will. Lincecum’s baseball credentials are unmatched – after three full seasons, he’s a three-time strikeout king and two-time Cy Young Award winner as the best pitcher in the National League. But his personal history is a little more ... pedestrian. During the off-season, he picked up his first citation for possession of marijuana (which makes some of the hometown fans love him all the more). BRUCE JENKINS: In all the years I've been here this was the team more than any that every one could relate to, just from a spiritual standpoint. Altogether, your San Francisco Giants were called… DANA COHEN: A lot of weird guys and castoffs. DANI DUNLEVY: A bit of a motley crew and a bunch of misfits. Not just by recent Australian immigrant Dani Dunlevy and local fan Dana Cohen. But by their own manager, Bruce Bochy, who also called them “castoffs and misfits.” Somehow, these players – this team – made it to the game’s grandest stage. And they brought their city with them. BRUCE JENKINS: It was a different star every night and people related to that in a really deep and intense manner. So here we are, November 1, 2010. Game 5 of the World Series. The Giants lead the Texas Rangers, three games to one. They’re one win away from bringing their first championship back to San Francisco. Millions of fans are watching, from where the game is taking place in Arlington, Texas, to a house party near San Francisco’s Ocean Beach. And we are there. LEAH ANDERSON: My name is Leah Anderson. ISAAC ANDERSON: Isaac Anderson. I’m seven-and-a-half. JASON ANDERSON: Jason Anderson. OMAR ANDERSON: My name is Omar Anderson. I’m five-and-a-half. BEN TREFNY: My name is Ben Trefny. ERIN TREFNY: My name is Erin Trefny. I’m eight years old. FRANCES TREFNY: My name is Frances Trefny. KYLE TREFNY: My name is Kyle Trefny. I’m eight years old. ETTA BUDD: My name is Etta Budd. I’m eight years old. SUSAN ROBINSON: My name is Susan Robinson. OLIVER BUDD: My name is Oliver Budd. I’m six years old. MATT ALEXANDER: My name is Matt Alexander. NOLAN ALEXANDER: My name is Nolan Alexander. I’m eight years old. LAURA HODDER: My name is Laura Hodder. BEN ALEXANDER: Ben Alexander. I’m eight years old. Across the Bay, a crowd has come together at Ben ‘n Nick’s Bar in Oakland. We’re with: HANNIBAL DEIZ: Hannibal Deiz. I am a Bay Area native, I’ve grown up here, been here my whole life. And thousands gathered before a giant projection screen set up in San Francisco’s Civic Center plaza. JON MILLER: In that final game, the clinching game of the World Series, it was as if Tim Lincecum said, “This is who I am. I was born to do this. I’ve been looking forward to this night my entire life.” It would be a big challenge – he was facing Texas Rangers’ star pitcher Cliff Lee. JON MILLER: The world was focused on Cliff Lee as the guy for the postseason – the king of the postseason. HANNIBAL DEIZ: This guy, you know, he’s a big deal. JON MILLER: …the king of the postseason. Going into the World Series, Cliff Lee had won seven postseason starts. And he’d never lost. Lee was so good that before the series began, Sports Illustrated breathlessly reported that: ACTOR (reading from Sports Illustrated): “The lefthander is more than the central character of this series. Helooms above it like the sun above the earth. There are only the days that Lee is scheduled to pitch, and the day spent waiting for him to get the ball again.” Lee was that good. That is, until he got pounded by the Giants in Game 1. But game 5 would be different. JON MILLER: This game, the clinching game, was an old time, an old timey pitching duel, between two great pitchers. ALAN FARLEY: It was pitch for pitch, pitcher for pitcher. I mean, it was a very tight close game. It was exciting, but it was unpredictable. JON MILLER: The kind of a game that you expect you’ll see in the World Series, where you got the best of the best. We’ll pick up the action in the top of the seventh, but now, let’s return to Game 5 of the 2010 World Series. Here’s the Giants’ Hall of Fame broadcaster Jon Miller. JON MILLER: “Going into the seventh inning, Cliff Lee, back on the hill for the Rangers. Tim Lincecum has thrown six shutout innings. Nothing to nothing score as Lee goes to work against the Giants here in the seventh.” Cody Ross gets a base hit. JON MILLER: Now the Giants get the leadoff man on. Juan Uribe follows with a single. So, two on, no out. JON MILLER: This calls for a bunt. It’s a nothing to nothing game! But a bunt’s probably not coming, because the next guy up is Aubrey Huff. JON MILLER: And Aubrey Huff doesn’t bunt! He hasn’t bunted for a sacrifice in nine years. And, much less, he’s the Giants’ home run and RBI guy, he’s their leading hitter. But today is different. JON MILLER: He bunts. ASHKON DAVARAN: He bunted! I couldn’t believe it. JON MILLER: It was incredible! ALAN FARLEY: His first bunt! JON MILLER: The last thing you’d ever expect. ALAN FARLEY: Incredible! JON MILLER: Number one, Aubrey Huff had not bunted at any time the whole year. ALAN FARLEY: It’s one of the truisms I’ve heard and it happens. Virtually every game you can see something you’ve never seen before, it’s so unpredictable. JON MILLER: And I think that rattled Cliff Lee a little bit. Pat Burrell, one of the Giants’ best power threats, comes to the plate. And the mighty Burrell … well, he struck out. ASHKON DAVARAN: So frustrated when Burrell struck out. ALAN FARLEY: Well, he wasn’t the last out, though. Shortstop Edgar Renteria steps to the plate. JON MILLER: Renteria was swinging a very hot bat in that postseason and had already taken the Rangers deep. BRUCE JENKINS: Well, when you're watching Renteria from anywhere, in my case from the press box, the last thing you're thinking is he's going to hit a home run. It's just not, not part of the deal. JON MILLER: They obviously, with Cliff Lee, were not going to walk him intentionally, but to try to get him to go out of the strike zone and chase a bad ball. And if you end up walking him – hey, you’ve got a base empty. But he threw one to the outside and it cut in over the plate. He made a mistake. And BOOM! BRUCE JENKINS: I remember when he hit the ball I remember saying to myself very quietly because you can't be very loud in the press box. I just said, "No." JON MILLER: “Way back, Hamilton’s back.” FRANCES TREFNY: Oh, that’s a fly. That’s what we needed before! JON MILLER: “At the warning track. At the wall. And…” (fans cheer) MARTINA CASTRO: And I uh screamed, and they’re like, “What’s going on, what happened?” BRUCE JENKINS: It was just … it was too good to be true. JOE BURKE: And that home run went over the fence, and that's when 53 years of pent-up frustration and being a Giants fan and never winning - it all came through and I was laughing and crying at the very same time. BRUCE JENKINS: It was just one of those surreal moments that you, that you'll remember your whole life. BEN ALEXANDER: And I’ll always almost remember this, I feel like that. BEN TREFNY: MVP! MVP! MVP! JON MILLER: The most memorable home run, the most decisive home run, the biggest home run in the history of the San Francisco Giants, and it came from Edgar Renteria! And the Giants had the three run lead, suddenly. Not a ground ball for a single and a run, but three runs in one swing of the bat! ERIN TREFNY: Why did they show all the Giants fans? FRANCES TREFNY: They’re all at the Civic Center. Thousands of people are cheering the homer at San Francisco’s Civic Center Park. ALLISON CROW: Home run! That was really good! I’m Allison Crow. I live in Oakland, and I just started following the Giants a little last season, but this season I really got into it. And I think I was good luck, this is awesome. Jason Cardona is part of the celebration. He’s been a Giants fan… JASON CARDONA: Since I was a little boy. I grew up in San Jose. The night the San Francisco Giants could clinch their first World Series championship, neither Crow nor Cardona could imagine being anywhere but right here. ALLISON CROW: It’s exciting, it’s really fun that everyone came out. JASON CARDONA: It brings on camaraderie, it’s good, it’s fun. And look at the backdrop. The backdrop is beautiful, isn’t it? ALLISON CROW: It’s getting dark now and City Hall is lit up in orange… JASON CARDONA: …all lit up in orange to commemorate the moment when the Giants ... It’s good, it’s nice, it’s beautiful. It stands out. It’s like a beacon of light, right? Orange light in the night. San Francisco Rapper DaVinci is one of many Bay Area artists featured on the song “Black and Orange.” It’s one of many songs inspired by the Giants World Series run. DaVinci’s love for the team started more than a decade earlier, when he went to Candlestick Park as a kid, and the tickets were a little bit cheaper. DAVINCI: The tickets used be like a dollar, and they used to all take us at the Park and Rec across the street from my house, right on Fell Street. And in the summer time we’d go on field trips to the Giants game and we’d only have to pay one dollar. So ever since then I’ve been sportin the black and orange, the SF hat, you know what I’m sayin’? Alright – back to the game. It’s the bottom of the seventh inning. JON MILLER: “Tim Lincecum back to work now. For the first time, pitching with a lead here in Game 5. 3-0 Giants as the Rangers come up to bat.” The things I thought about there were simply: there’s nine outs to go, and Lincecum’s been great. But this is a very good park in which to hit, and the Rangers have some guys, and if they can get a couple men on, they’ve got several guys capable of popping one. Rangers right fielder Nelson Cruz promptly hits one out of the park. HANNIBAL DEIZ: Oh, they got one, they got one. JON MILLER: Nelson Cruz hit a solo homer. HANNIBAL DEIZ: Only a solo, though. JON MILLER: …and that just sort of underscored the fragile nature, and now they just needed one guy on base, and the tying run, the possible tying run comes to the plate. GRANT BRISBEE: You know, a walk, a broken bat single, a home run, the Rangers … you know, just baseball can happen so quickly. For many Giants fans, a late lead in a World Series game actually brought back bad memories. Just eight years earlier in 2002, they led the Anaheim Angels three games to two. One more win, and they’d be the champs. They took a 5-0 lead in the seventhinning. And then … well … this is Giants baseball. JOE ESKENAZI: I’m Joe Eskenazi. I’m the online news editor at SF Weekly. I’ve been a Giants fan since 1985. DANA COHEN: I remembered for a long time that I liked that they were a losing team. There’s something, you know, endearing about the underdog. JOE ESKENAZI: I’ve always said it bothers me how much it bothers me, regarding the way that I watch the Giants and the way that it matters so much. And I’m not a screamer … it just eats you up. NOLAN ALEXANDER: It’s kind of stressful, and really exciting too because I know they have such good players, and I’m like “They can do this thing! They can do it!” JOE BURKE: ‘Cause I knew then that barring some completely ridiculous thing like had happened against the Angels in 2002, we were actually going to win it. JOE ESKENAZI: You know, it was years, years, that I didn’t think about Game 6 every day, just in some fleeting moment when you’re not thinking about anything else. GRANT BRISBEE: I didn't want to believe it, but in the back of my head I was doing cartwheels. But I was doing that in 2002 as well, before the Angels came back, so… JOE BURKE: I still didn't think they were going to win it, just because the experience is for 53 years, they find a way to lose like 2002, when they had a five run lead with seven outs to go. (sighs) JON MILLER: …just a few outs to go, where you’re counting the outs. GRANT BRISBEE: And at this point I'm thinking, what do I do – do I get champagne now? Do I wait till it's over and then get champagne? Is that anticlimactic? Should the champagne be chilled already? Boy, I'm thinking, “How do I celebrate this?” BRUCE JENKINS: I needed to have a column done at the end of the game, more or less. And so I'm writing, writing away this flowery, "Giants, they've finally done it. They've got a big lead," and how Barry Bonds and Jeff Kent, and this erases all the heartbreaks of the past and, you know, I'm writing this column and as we all were. We were all writing the same kind of thing. ALAN FARLEY: The Giants have got this nailed. BRUCE JENKINS: And it slowly starts to unravel. ALAN FARLEY: And then it slipped away. And it was just gut-wrenching. BRUCE JENKINS: And you're watching this column just evaporate into space to the point that where it was worthless. You had to throw it out and start over. JOE BURKE: Ugh. That was so frustrating. ALAN FARLEY: Just gut-wrenching, the loss. GRANT BRISBEE: It's hard to imagine a team getting that close to a championship and not winning it. CELINA HARRINGTON: Everyone was so sad. Celina Harrington. GRANT BRISBEE: It just doesn’t happen that often. It was that close. CELINA HARRINGTON: It was the worst day ever. Because it felt like you lost. I mean you’re a fan, but you still feel like a part of the team, even though you’re not on the field with them. BRUCE JENKINS: You know that was a shattering … I mean we felt the shattering experience in the press box that the team was feeling, that the fans were feeling. It really did seem over. Even though there was another game to go. ALAN FARLEY: I couldn’t even watch the next game, because I just knew the Giants were not going to come back. They did not come back. JON MILLER: So that’s when I started thinking about this idea of the disappointment of a Giants fan. Cause I really was disappointed. JOE ESKENAZI: In 2002, after Game 6, I think every true fan new that that was it. And I called up my best friends, who I had led into Giants fandom in the ‘80s, with just my sheer enthusiasm. I told him, “I’m sorry I got you into this.” JON MILLER: “Top of the 8th inning, the Giants ahead 3-1, now. And I’m sure Tim Lincecum, as strong as he’s been, wouldn’t mind if the Giants got another run or two here.” But they didn’t. The score remained the same. And for old Giants fans, those memories of failures past just kept on coming. And it wasn’t just 2002 – there were many, many more. Like Game 7 of the 1962 World Series against the New York Yankees, when Hall of Famer Willie McCovey came up to bat with two outs, the Giants down 1-0 and Mattie Alou on 3rd base and Willie Mays on 2nd. A hard hit ball could have won the game, and McCovey hit a ball hard. Except he hit it right at 2nd baseman Bobby Richardson. The Giants lost the World Series. And the beat-downs went on and on. BRUCE JENKINS: I watched Sandy Koufax pitch a no-hitter against the Giants, which you know the rivalry has always been fierce. It was extremely intense in those times, and this was the Giants of Mays and McCovey, and just a tremendous hitting team. And Koufax was the guy they had to beat and to get no hit by him was really quite humbling. But as the years went on, it got far worse. JON MILLER: I remember back as a kid in 1965, when Juan Marichal – there was this bad blood between the Giants and Dodgers, and Marichal ended up in a fight with Johnny Roseboro, the catcher of the Dodgers, and hitting him over the head with his bat. And brutal, just horrifying to see. To this day I always felt that incident ended up costing the Giants a trip to the World Series. The Giants played against the Oakland A’s in the 1989 World Series. BRUCE JENKINS: I was thinking about 1987, the playoff series they had against the St Louis Cardinals. JON MILLER: Remember, they went to St. Louis ahead three games to two, needing one game more... BRUCE JENKINS: Then the earthquake happened. ALAN FARLEY: The earthquake sort of threw things off kilter, and there was sort of a disastrous World Series for the Giants. BRUCE JENKINS: And so there's just this whole sequence of negative events. So I mean every, basically every time the Giants ever got to the postseason, it always ended badly. So that's just a few of them, there's more. JOE BURKE: Just year after year it was just, you know, stuck in second place. Finding a way not to succeed in the end. Cause I mean golly, look at the Giants over the last 53 years here in San Francisco – Hall of Fame players all over the place. JON MILLER: Willie Mays all by himself would make you a fan. JOE BURKE: Mays, McCovey, Cepeda, Juan Marichal, Gaylord Perry – all these great players and good teams. The lists go on and on! Barry’s dad Bobby Bonds… JON MILLER: There’s Bobby Bonds, wow! He came along, hit a grand slam in his first game as a big leaguer when I was in high school! And he can hit home runs, he can steal bases, he’s a gold-glove outfielder … Wow! ASHKON DAVARAN: Jeffrey Leonard, Chili Davis… JOE BURKE: … Will Clark, Jeffrey Leonard, Jack Clark... JON MILLER: …the Ripper, Jack the Ripper. ALAN FARLEY: Matt Williams and Will Clark… ASHKON DAVARAN: Will Clark was definitely always my favorite player growing up. The game-face. The whole thing. JON MILLER: Barry Bonds at that time, there was nobody more exciting or more dramatic than Barry Bonds. He was doing things that nobody in the history of the game had ever done. JOE BURKE: And they didn't ever win! How do you not have at least one championship with as many good times as we had in San Francisco? JON MILLER: Always being good, but never quite good enough. JOE BURKE: It was almost as though we had a bad omen, bad mojo, wasn’t going to happen. JON MILLER: And now there’s almost a dark cloud that hangs over it all. JOE ESKENAZI: Now I have a foreign-born wife who has taken to following the Giants because of my enthusiasm. And it was a deep fear of mine that the team would falter on the moment of triumph, and I would introduce another person to the darkness of what it is to be a Giants fan. JON MILLER: “Last of the eighth inning. Six outs away from their first World Championship as the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum back to work leading 3-1.” PAUL SHROEDER: Well, Lincecum is up, he’s pitching. It’s the eighth inning, they need six more outs and then they win the world championship. My name is Paul I’m from San Francisco. I’m from here. Paul Shroeder. I remember I was out here in 2002, in a scene just like this, it was right by the Metreon here in the city, it was a crowd like this. We were watching the big screen, and they were six outs away, and they lost it all. It was a very hurtful moment for everyone here. But uh, everyone is looking for redemption, we all need that moment. We all need that moment. I should probably stop talking, I’m on the verge of tears … Yeah, it’s a big deal huge. JOE BURKE: It was only nerve wracking because it was baseball and you have to get those last three outs. LAURA HODDER: Nerve-wracking. JON MILLER: Duane Kuiper comes on our little roundtable discussion on the radio after the game. Former San Francisco pitcher Duane Kuiper who broadcasts Giant games with Jon Miller. JON MILLER: “I came up with a new slogan for the Giants: ‘Giants Baseball – It’s Torture.’” LAURA HODDER: It’s constant torture. ISAAC ANDERSON: I thought the Rangers were gonna score a couple runs, but I didn't think they were gonna blow it really. LEAH ANDERSON: My memory is that you had to walk out of the room. In fact, outside onto the fire escape, because you were so nervous that they were gonna blow it. You couldn't watch the game. ISAAC ANDERSON: I don’t really remember that. JON MILLER: And I think that kind of … the Giants, the powers that be, as time went on, because this kept being repeated because there were more and more games like that. The Giants were a little uptight about it from a marketing standpoint. The marketing people were like, “It’s not torture, it’s dramatic! What are you talking about, torture?” ASHKON DAVARAN: So many heart attacks throughout the year. JON MILLER: And the fans sort of had this wry comment that they were making about the Giants, “It’s torture, and we love it! Torture is fun!” And so on and so forth. The fans took that themselves and turned that into a positive. Which, when you go to game 5 in the World Series, and the whole World Series in general, I think ... how did that happen? Where did this Giants team come from? All of a sudden a Giants team had emerged which was methodical, it was smooth, it did everything right. Where was the torture? The torture didn’t exist! The Giants were just good! And they were clearly the best team on the field, in the league championship series and in the World Series. And it was like the Giants had graduated to something more and something better than we’d seen all year long by the end. “Top of the ninth inning, and the Giants still maintaining a 3-1 lead over the Rangers.” So what made this San Francisco Giants team different from those others that got so close, but couldn’t finish? A story that columnist Bruce Jenkins shares from the season provides some insight. BRUCE JENKINS: Well one, one night, I went back to Chicago for a big series in September and they lost the game. Every loss in September is a bad loss, and every loss that's ever gone down brings the same reaction in the clubhouse. It's very, very quiet. It's morgue-like. There's no music. There's no laughter. It's just … that's not only the way they feel – that's the way you sort of have to act. And we're going around getting horrible quotes from one player to another, and all of the sudden here comes Aubrey Huff, walking through the middle of the pack – and there's women in there and you know women reporters and everything – wearing only that red thong that he became famous for. And he's got a bandage on his right leg and he's got tattoos on his arms. And it was just hysterical! I was interviewing Brian Wilson at the time and he goes, "There goes our clubhouse atmosphere. It just walked by. There it goes. Did you see it?" A great line. And it was just, there always that sense of levity around the team. There's always somebody there to pick ‘em up when they're down. But it was an extremely genuine family feeling to that team, which is very rare in sports. JON MILLER: “Last of the ninth inning. Three outs away from a World Series championship, and Brian Wilson to come in and try and save this one for Tim Lincecum." BRUCE JENKINS: I don't know where he comes from. He comes from a different place. When I first started watching him, he's got this shirt unbuttoned and the Mohawk, I didn't even want to talk to this guy. You know, "Shape up." You know. Button the shirt, the haircut’s kinda lame. And then you start listening to him night after night and he's a like a beacon of intelligence and perspective in the clubhouse. He's absolutely a guy you go to, win or lose, to hear his view on the thing and put it in perspective. He's borderline genius really. He can do the New York Times crossword puzzle in like 10 minutes. You can't beat him in chess. He's a he's really a fascinating guy. Brian Wilson’s first batter is American League Most Valuable Player Josh Hamilton. Hannibal Diez is watching the game in Oakland. HANNIBAL DEIZ: I think he’s focused. He knows that he’s three outs away from a title. And this is his job. This is what they pay him for. To do this. DOUG OLSON: My name is Doug Olson, I’m from Oakland about a block and a half away from here. We’re at Ben ‘n Nick’s on College. My favorite Giant? Well considering how the last time I shaved was in 1975, I like Brian Wilson. Fear the beard! Wilson strikes Hamilton out, looking. JOE BURKE: And Wilson came in in the ninth it was, yeah. It was fun. It was good. Former MVP Vladimir Guerrero steps in. He grounds out to short. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: Stand up everybody, we’re about to win the World Series! FANS: Let’s go Giants! (clapping) Two outs. Nelson Cruz comes up to bat. He hit a home run in the seventh inning. It’s a battle. KYLE TREFNY: Well, whenever I watched Brian Wilson, he does a full count just to make things a bit more exciting. And when he did a full count there, I was like, “Oh, he's gonna strike that guy out.” LAURA HODDER: I was feeling calm because I feel like when the game’s in Brian Wilson’s hands, he’s going to make it exciting, he’s going to push it to the edge… NOLAN ALEXANDER I was like, “He's not gonna blow it. There’s no way he can.” BEN ALEXANDER: I really hope he doesn’t blow it. Full count. BEN ALEXANDER: I was like, “Oh, he’s gonna strike that guy out.” Here’s the pitch. Strike three. Game over. DANA COHEN: It was a Brian Wilson strikeout. A perfect close. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: Oh my god, he just won! We just won! JON MILLER: “The Giants, for the first time in 56 years, and their first time ever as the San Francisco Giants, are the champions of the baseball world.” FANS: Let’s go Giants! (cheering) BRUCE JENKINS: That was like my 25th World Series for the Chronicle. The more of those things you watch, you try to watch as many of the things that are going on as you can. I just remember, the thing that really struck me was sort of that three-way hug between, among the infielders. Sanchez, Uribe and Renteria. That was beautiful. They just sort of naturally gravitated toward each other. And I remember Huff's glove 20 feet in the air. So many things. The look on Lincecum's face as they had him up on their shoulders. DANA COHEN: Buster Posey ran out from behind home plate and ran and jumped into Brian Wilson's arms and they embraced, and I think a lot of people in the bar around me followed suit. Lots of hugging and shrieking and screaming. Lots of "I can't believe it!" ERIN TREFNY: And when the Giants won I heard such a loud noise, like, “Whoooo!” JON MILLER: “The Giants at long last have brought a World Series Championship to San Francisco. Let the celebration begin.” BRUCE JENKINS: I just wanna stand down here and just soak this up for, you know, until dawn. CELINA HARRINGTON: It was crazy, it was madness. Everybody was popping bottles of champagne. ALAN FARLEY: And here it was – I was trying to drink in every moment of it. CELINA HARRINGTON: People were throwing beer around like if we just won, like if we were the actual players. JOE BURKE: We popped a bottle of Champagne and sat there and you know, if anybody who's ever watched any sort of sports thing that your team wins, if you're not outside honking your horn or driving around the streets… DANA COHEN: Oh, the honking started immediately. (cars honking) JOE BURKE: You're watching the highlights for like an hour after the game. And you replay the homerun. KYLE TREFNY: “2 and 0, the count. Lee pitches. Edgar Renteria hits a high drive into left center field!” ERIN TREFNY: “David Murphy going back! He’s at the wall.” NOLAN ALEXANDER: “Count, 2 and 0! Cliff Lee pitches! High fly ball! David in center field!” KYLE TREFNY: “Murphy’s going back, he’s at the warning track…” ERIN TREFNY: “…at the wall. It’s goneeeeeee!!!!” KYLE TREFNY: “It’s goneeeeeee!!!!” NOLAN ALEXANDER: “It’s goneeeeeee!!!! Edgar Renteria has hit a three-run homer, which might lead to a Giants World Series victory!” JOE BURKE: But it was like that. You need that reassurance that it actually did happen. So you have to watch it again several times. DANA COHEN: We all sort of went outside and all started jumping up and down on the street, on the sidewalk and high-fived cars passing by. I didn't know how many people in the city owned Giants flags but there they were driving around the city waving their flags out the car. I've never high-fived so many people in my life. The Giants’ World Series win brought people from all over the Bay Area together. And as the celebration continued, memories that would last a lifetime began to unfold in real-time. CHRIS ROTHACHER: My name is Chris Rothacher. I’m from Berkeley, California, born and raised. Chris Rothacher manages a pizza place in Emeryville. CHRIS ROTHACHER: I just, I always loved the Giants. They’ve always been underdogs and I’m so happy it actually happened this year! This is amazing. Absolutely amazing. It’s also amazing how much this Giants fan looks like a certain starting pitcher. CHRIS ROTHACHER: A little bit just because, people, just… UNIDENTIFIED MAN 1: Timmy! CHRIS ROTHACHER: I walk down the streets and everyone is like, “Oh my God! Tim Lincecum!” This night would prove to be not only one of Tim Lincecum’s favorites … but also one of Chris Rothacher’s. CHRIS ROTHACHER: San Francisco!! World Series!! UNIDENTIFIED MAN 2: Great pitching man, great pitching!! UNIDENTIFIED MAN 1: Number one hung over city tomorrow!!!! CHRIS ROTHACHER: I’m not … I don't want to treat it like… UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN 1: Timmy!! Oh Timmy!! MARTINA CASTRO: Oh my God, they totally treat you like you were him! UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN 1: Number one, Timmy! CHRIS ROTHACHER: Giants! Whoo! I mean, I don't want to say that I am him… MARTINA CASTRO: No, you’re not! Obviously not! But it’s… CHRIS ROTHACHER It’s just … yeah, Giants! Whooooo! It’s entertainment, it’s hilarious… UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN 2: Can I get a photo with you? CHRIS ROTHACHER: Yes, you absolutely may. San Francisco’s Dana Cohen had an equally memorable, if a bit more painful, experience, the night the Giants won the World Series. She was partying in the city’s Mission District… DANA COHEN: People are lighting off fireworks and all of a sudden someone has grabbed a mattress which had been laying against a wall, abandoned, and starts to light that on fire. Five minutes later a fire truck pulls up and puts it out… But that only added to the revelry. DANA COHEN: At least 50 people, jump on top of the fire truck and are dancing and cheering, and everyone below them is cheering. Somehow I found myself to be one of those people on top of the fire truck... With thousands and thousands of like-minded fans. DANA COHEN: So then, a phalanx of motorcycle cops pulls up on either side of the fire truck and everyone on top sort of panics and realizes – okay, it's time to get down. Somehow, I just landed wrong on my heel, and it turns out I broke my heel disembarking the fire truck. So the memory carried on. DANA COHEN: I knew I was going to want to decorate the cast; the doctor told me I was going to be in a cast for six weeks, and I knew I wanted to decorate it in some way. And it seemed only appropriate that it be Giants related. So I had a friend draw on it and she drew an enormous portrait of Tim Lincecum on the side of my cast. And hence it became Tim Lincecast. For others, San Francisco’s World Series season was literally life changing. Like for singer-songwriter Ashkon Davaron, who repurposed the well-loved Journey song “Don’t Stop Believin’” as an anthem for the Giants’ playoff run. ASHKON DAVARAN (singing from “Don’t Stop Believin – Giants 2010 Anthem”): Just a loyal fan / trying to do the best I can...” I mean, the ride from the first day that we dropped the video … and I mean to have the Giants continuously winning at the same time – it was just such a complete dream world. It was so crazy. The day we dropped the video, we released the video – it was Game 3 of the NL Division series with the Braves – it was right after that game. And we wanted initially to have it done before Game 3, but it was having trouble uploading to YouTube. There was some glitch, it just kept failing and failing! And so the game starts. That game was like the whole frikkin’ thing right there. You had Sanchez on this 1-0 gem. I remember at one point the video finally had uploaded, and the other guys, they were ready to drop it, they were like, “We just gotta do it!” We were starting to get worried that we had put in all this work and who knows – we weren’t even going to have any time for anyone to see it, the season’s going to be close to over. Who knows! So anyway, we’re clinging onto this 1-0 lead, they’re like, “Should we drop it??” I’m like, “We can’t drop the video now! Sanchez is throwing a no-hitter! Come on! You’re tacky! We gotta wait! Can’t jinx it!” All of that. So we end up holding on, holding on. Eighth inning, 1-0. And Hinske hits that homer, the two-run shot off of Romo. And I’m just – I mean, everything sunk. Everything sunk. It was, “Here we go again. What did I do to deserve this? I guess this is just how it is. I guess this is going to be my life as a sports fan, as a life, as an individual. You know, I don’t know what I’ve done, but maybe there’s some lesson behind this.” You know, it was all that, all over again. So, so, so much pain. And then … and then the ninth. Down to two outs. And I … I run downstairs, and I grab my rally thong from the video. I’m like, “Come on Aubrey! Let’s go!” Man, sure enough, he fists that thing to right field, and then hits the ball through Conrad’s legs. And then – phew – the rest is history. So we win that game, and immediately after that game, I pressed “click.” “Giants 2010 Playoff Anthem – Don’t Stop Believin’.” BRUCE JENKINS: All these tremendously heartfelt, emotional stories about what the Giants meant to them … I can't think of too many sports stories – and again, I've experienced these in all these towns, and all these great things that happened to other people. When it happened here, I tell you, we didn't get cheated. We had it as good as it gets. When people are just so moved by that, and even if they didn't care about the team necessarily, in their lives day-to-day … all of a sudden they did. And it just meant something. Literally families were drawn together by the spectacle. They're watching it together – you know the little kids, mom and dad, grandparents, whatever. JOE ESKENAZI: What I decided this year is that, this is who I am, and I’m not gonna try and be different. ALAN FARLEY: I couldn’t believe it. ASHKON DAVARAN: They actually did the whole damn thing, and it’s unreal. ALAN FARLEY: It finally happened. I’m getting choked up just thinking about it. DAVINCI: Just to bring that type of attention to the Bay Area makes, ya know, the energy go up a couple of notches, ya know what I mean? Like all across the board, just from going out-the nightlife, just to people on the streets in the daytime – everbody’s a lot more friendly, they’re a little more proud to say they live and they from San Francisco at this time. DANA COHEN: If you were in the city during the postseason, you know the spirit and energy and fervor with which people celebrated this team. So I think when a lot of people hear that I was on top of a fire truck, celebrating, they understand. BRUCE JENKINS: Everybody embraced this story. And I think that story brought in more sort of non-baseball fans or casual in-and-out fans because riveted to this story because it was just so cool. It was like watching your kid’s little league team. You know you're really … there was an emotional involvement in this team that was really unsurpassed. DAVINCI: And in San Francisco, I consider anybody and everybody who was there, damn-near like my family. If you was rooting for the Giants at that time, we all kinda felt like family. JOE BURKE: I had friends who are Dodgers fans who are just absolutely, they hate the Giants as much as I dislike their team, and they were just, they were congratulating, and that was good, that was good baseball. BRUCE JENKINS: The 1993 team that got eliminated on the last day. The 2002 team that lost in the World Series – they were so revolving around Bonds, particularly in 2002, that it was a more difficult team to embrace, a more difficult icon to embrace. JOE BURKE: But I'm much happier that this team won, cause this was like a real team and not just a superstar and a bunch of role players. This was a team effort all the way. You don't find this a lot in baseball. BRUCE JENKINS: And the great thing about that is that it was absolutely true. I mean I've been in clubhouses since 1972 and this was easily one of the four or five best clubhouses I've ever had the pleasure of, of working. ALAN FARLEY: The thing about this whole postseason also that impressed me was that everything went the Giants way. All the bad calls did not go against the Giants. The bad mistakes didn’t hurt the Giants. The weather was great, even down to the weather for the parade. Everything went right. It just had to happen, it was just destined to happen. JOE ESKENAZI: It was a relief that I no longer have to follow the games as if it was a matter of life and death, and I can just enjoy them for what they are, and I don’t have to worry about all the failure adding up and adding up and adding up, and I can just enjoy the games from now on. It’ll still mean a lot, but it’ll be healthier I think. That’s what the World Series meant to me. JOE BURKE: Oh gosh, yeah. Oh gosh, yeah. And to tell you the truth, I don't care if they never win another baseball game as long as I live. (laughs) ‘Cause we got this one, we got a championship, and that's all anybody ever asked for. ALAN FARLEY: The World Champion San Francisco Giants. JOE BURKE: All the people who who aren’t around anymore. You know, friends from school. I'm that old ... friends from school who aren't around anymore. My parents, my grandparents. I wish they were here to see this because they would've ... It would've been fun. JON MILLER: There were so many people, and so many people in a mood to celebrate. DANA COHEN: I went to the parade on crutches and in a splint and got in the front row and was very pleased. JON MILLER: The cheering was so loud, like it was a constant ovation from these hundreds of thousands of fans lining the streets, from Montgomery Street on to Market Street, and down Market Street for what I guess was a mile and a half before we got to City Hall. ALAN FARLEY: I mean I thought I’d heard cheering at the ballpark, but when you get that crowd at Civic Center, that was incredible. I’ve never heard anything like it. I don’t know how many hundreds of thousands of people were there, but it was incredible. BRUCE JENKINS: A million people all with the same look on their face. [laughing] ASHKON DAVARAN: Nothing was as unfamiliar and out of this world and beyond me than that World Series parade. When I found out that they had a spot for me in the parade, I was so excited and, I mean … can you imagine that from a fan’s perspective? You know, Freddy Sanchez – “Hey man, I love the song!” And Ross was such a nice guy, and Tim was so cool. He was so cool! JON MILLER: For me, what was great was, is how the sort in the larger picture. The Giants were a means to bring everyone together, in short of shared purpose, which was to root the Giants along, but also to sort of savor the success that they were having. And this was not just fathers and their children, who, you know ... we parents and our children, how many things do we have in common? Sometimes it’s just a ballclub that we can talk about and share. So it was a great day in the community, and I think wasn’t just the city of San Francisco, I think was the whole Bay Area that shared in the joy and the experience so … in that regard, the Giants and baseball sort of transcended their standing as a game that has a season to become a great moment in the history of the community. Okay, take a deep breath. It’s over. The 2010 season that is. As for the celebrating...well it’smostly over, at least the dancing on fire engines is! However, the memory you have of the Giants winning it all – maybe it’s Brian Wilson getting that final out, Edgar Renteria’s homerun, or hugging that total stranger at 16th and Guerrero when you’d realized we’d finally won it – whatever moment it is for you that captures it all: well that’ll be around for awhile. Whether you’re a homegrown fan, a recent convert to the black and orange, or you just came along for the parade, it doesn’t matter: in 2010, we were all Giants. Where were YOU when the Giants won? Share your stories in the comments section.

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6. im going out

im going out

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

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7. I Will Cut You, DevOps & Culture - ITSM weekly the podcast EPISODE 92

I Will Cut You, DevOps & Culture -  ITSM weekly the podcast EPISODE 92

Show Notes and Links: http://www.servicesphere.com/blog/2012/7/9/i-will-cut-you-devops-culture-itsm-weekly-the-podcast-episod.html Show Notes: Amazon Outage Should cloud providers OPEN up to fully disclose their backup systems CNET Article - "Icebergs in the cloud" PDF Link Service Warranty Cloud is a threat to IT Natural Selection isn't pleasant for the non-selected. ServiceNow cloud documentation Are cloud providers by disclosing their ops, for transparency sake, now losing ground with competitive advantage? NIST Cloud Standards Elastic Load Balancing Are we passed the TECH bubble? Best Buy lays off 650 Geek Squad Employees Facebook vs ServiceNow Microsoft / Yammer vs Facebook / Instagram this is a billion dollar battle to be relevant? Salesforce, IBM, Oracle, Microsoft, all racing to be social Perception is a big deal with tech futures, because of Windows 7 $300.00 Windows 8 40.00 licenses costs are changing so fast. MOBILE ONLY SOFTWARE Why HR Still Isn't a Strategic Partner Friction vs Flow John Willis, VP enStratus Devops Movement Cote and John Willis, podcast on ITIL / ITSM with Chris Dancy You own your OWN availability Cloud - Do you need to own a data center? When do standards really work? Devops defined Adam Jacobs – Devops - A professional and cultural movement Kanban Devops is a FAD right now. Damon Edwards, Devop Days Devops = CAMS > Culture, Automation, Measurement and Sharing Tools Devops If you can't get the culture right, skip CHEF or PUPPET Velocity Conference 2012- Facebook Session – Jay Parikh - "How do you get to a billion users!" Eliyahu Goldratt "Beyond the Goal" Devops doesn't fit every cultural organization Who is culture hacking? John Allspaw from Etsy Sun Tzu Toyota - You can copy someone’s process, you can't copy someone's culture Culture is BS.... people don't understand the word. Culture is a NICE way of saying "I'm afraid of people" The CULTURE RANT Spike Morelli In reality no one cares about culture, NO ONE. Tools give us a chance to POINT fingers. Culture failures don't give you a opt out on ego. If you are KILLING yourself at work, maybe the suicide rate is a cultural indicator at your organization. No one is exposing the STRENGTHS of cultures. Big data surfing tied to smiley faces and bug bashing Hornbill Software HACK day (Innovation Day) Velocity Conference and Devops Days There is a TALANET WAR right now. BE BOLD, LEAVE YOUR JOB IF THE CULTURE DOESNT WORK How do you lose employees? Why do good employee leave? Is it EVER OK to fire an employee for making a mistake? Good ITIL / Bad ITIL ITIL is about process over people Devops is about people over process Ben Rockwood Velocity ITIL = Constraint / Devops = Flow Continual Service Improvement is NOT a choice; it's a force of nature. Bank Simple - Banking meets culture Introverts and the abuse of the corp culture (TED Talk) Stupid people suck the life out of me Clouderati are just a bunch of talkers Facebook data centers Netflix Culture vs Facebook culture Ian M. Clayton , Paul Wilkinson are now mainstream tigers and koala bears FILDI - F, it, let's do it Build SLACK into workflow Native RT vs Retweet, why it's important A Robot will take your job Show Transcription: ITSM weekly, the podcast for your news, insight analysis and information from the world of IT service management. Your hosts Matthew Hooper, Chris Anthony and Matt Baron. IT Service Management Weekly, the podcast starts now. Welcome to ITSM weekly. The podcast, episode 92. 9 -2. For the week ending, I don't know, we're not good at week. Guys how you doing? Good, how you doing Chris? Good! I'm wearing my V-neck shirt tonight. Okay. It's nice to see neither of you have melted in the heat. Now it's absolutely ridiculously hot out there. We have a guest today, John Willis. How do you pronounce it, is it machoglupa like surround sound. Mr. DevOps. So he should joining us soon. Reach out to him. So let's go ahead and start off with some News and a stupid surprise, baboon brass news. So, any excuse. I got cloud service. just like blowed away. Okay Hoop what do you got for us? Why NewsGator GIO. NewsGator. NewsGator for Hooper. Yes, news. News from the CAO's perspective. Amazon homage. I think this is huge news. Cloud is a problem when you don't have contingency. Cloud is difficult to build contingency because you don't own the asset so what to do. So its got people thinking about it you know how can we do a better job and understanding what's going on behind the cloud front. And it is starting to beg the question, is this time that cloud providers open up and disclose some of their IT systems and how things are put together? Taking a quote from an article on CNet, it says, this strengthens the argument for cloud providers like Amazon to fully disclose their IT systems to either their customers or independent third party for assessment, testing, and inspection. As Yale academic Brian Ford has argued in his academic paper, "Icebergs in the clouds: the other risks of cloud computing" (and I'll put a link to the pdf in the show notes). This pdf is really good actually. It talks a lot about service warranty. And what we need to do to really evaluate a cloud provider's capabilities in providing us the warranty. The basic question here is, "is cloud " - I guess we have talked about it because we view it as a threat to IT, but do things like this help us to view More of a partner. I don't think I've ever seen those as a threat to IT, that would just be my perspective. And I would say that you did. To me, it's a, It is a form of outsourcing right, so I mean there are jobs displaced when you buy a Cloud technology. So, yeah I think it's a complete threat to IT. As we understand IT from 2010, so I agree with Matt Lupa. You know I just see it as part of the evolution of IT, I don't think it's part of a revolution, I don't think that's happening. Come on, Hooper said it was a threat and evolution is a threat, evolution is a threat, it's a threat to people who didn't evolve. Natural selection isn't pleasant for everyone. Oh, okay. Yes, I think I agree I just have a different perspective than maybe the. No, no you have an evolved perspective You have to stop being so smart. What I found interesting about this, I'm getting phone call during the Podcast. might be John Willis. Give it a shot. Shall we pick it up? All right, you guys carry on with the news while I take the call. Whoever it is, let's bring him on the show. Hello? What if it is someone else. It is kind of interesting. We struggled with this with Service Now. For the first three to five years, they didn't publish anything. In fact, you couldn't even tell the way their data centers were. Or dater centers, if I was saying it with a Boston accent. But now they've got some bigger customers and the customers are starting to demand, where are they, what are we going to do when this goes down? It's business-critical service. I think, or at least IT anyway. And so people need to have the fail order plan and they need to understand that if this thing's going to fail, what are your backup options? I need to know what's supporting those three nines or four nines, and give us some real some real capability to not fail if half of the country is off. Part of that though, you're starting to deal with with that level of transparency are they putting themselves at a risk of losing a technical advantage. Definitely. The higher the transparency the easier would be, let's say they chose New York and L.A., then the people in the middle of the country would be going to get posed for bandwidth because you're further distance away, and maybe another provider chooses Minneapolis and the UK. And so then People in those locations are saying, well that makes sense to do that. It's sort of like you need to look at from both a co-location and a cloud service per se but I think the real point of the story, from Amazon's perspective anyway, is that this needs to be a cloud standard that we agree upon and that people can in this has some cloud standards and I'll put a link in the show notes to that. But this situation's different, right, because Amazon's had outages before, and this outage was caused by some of the storms that were coming up the east coast back last Friday. So, you know, they have some outages that were weather driven and whatever. Failure's going to happen. But the problem here is that this is a pretty big outage for them. I mean, it was substantial and lasted hours in duration. It started some time on the 29th of June and carried over to about the first of July for some folks. And a lot of that was, because they didn't understand the relationship between their assets. The root cause, from what they're saying, is it has something to do with what's called the elastic load balance or ELB's. The way that Amazon's architecture is, you have these things called EC2's which virtual serversRDS , which is your database layer. You can put ELBs in between there so things can fail over and they can scale out and you could be on different virtual platforms at any period of time. There was a bug in their software that didn't allow this to fail over correctly, dependencies weren't mapped appropriately. Traditionally in ITA, I think we understand this, we understand what fail over testing is all about. We understand about availability and high availability point of failure risk analysis, is something we understand well. So if we're going to give these services over to a cloud provider, is it okay for me to ask the questions? What is your algorithm for failing over? What is your validation to. But did we ever ask those questions to the people we hired to manage our data centers when we had them internal? I think it was more common. I did. Sometimes they did. Well, you did. You're exceptional. But again, let's not get too hung up the fact that it's a Cloud outage it's still a human error and that human could have been in our office or some place else. Well it's easier to write a check. Is this outage a red herring for not asking for the right types of redundancies, regardless of who you're getting them for. Well it's like Google says, everything fails at scale. Is it possible to test, like how - You're a quote a minute today. What's that? You're a quote a minute today. well you know you can't test for every possible scenario right and so this something that been Amazon and reality is... you know have they rallied around it and repaired it, the question I always ask is better than I could have, had it been me. Yeah. Unless I am a significantly large and just drenched in money organization I'm not not going to be able to have the use forces to. Hm let's think about significantly large, drenched in money, organizations. The elephant in the room. Facebook had gone down because of it. Netflix did! And Netflix is most people's Facebook. I thought people losing their mind because they couldn't use the toaster filter for too well I mean I think do you use a Instragram helper. I have Instragram. do you? Do you use it? i use it to watch my kids. Do you? Alright I've got another phone call coming in, it might be chance. Keep going with the News. So I think some of the bigger news reading well lately as watching the tech markets it could be that we are past the market bubble. Tech stocks are not doing so hot, as you Noticed over the past few weeks, it looks like it could be heading to a continued downturn, or an adjustment, how the "money-folks" call it. I guess it's a wait and see for some of those market trends, but we definitely are on the Downward side of this bubble in my opinion from where we were in the Spring. Best Buy announced today that they're laying off six-hundred and fifty Geek Squad employees. And look at their market presence all together. They've just got issues all around. But what's interesting to me Is service now just went to our ITO obviously I'm focused because that's what I work with everyday. It's interesting because, number one it wasn't very well pronounced. I worked with a lot of people that work with servers all the time and no one even mentioned it really. Steven Mann was actually the only person that I caught that was actually paying attention to the financial aspects of service now. And It's interesting read how people view everything past Facebook now, like every body was saying in the post Facebook IPO world how are tech stocks going to do and how aren't they doing and I think that maybe drove some of the downward trend in the financial market was the Facebook IPO thing. But I don't know, it almost feels like that's going to be our saving grace. That it's going to stop it from getting so big that we all lose our jobs in one fell swoop. Yeah, but you know what, there's a big difference It's in between service now, and Facebook. And the thing is, Facebook didn't really ever have a solid monitization strategy they simply have momento they were just too big to fail right, where service now is proving themselves to to be a viable entity in the enterprise they continue to sell. They have a clear and present sales and marketing strategy B. Right. It's a business. They brought in a whole Yeah, they've brought in a whole new team; it was a natural of what you've seen tech companies do. It's the type of progression you look at most - from start-up to mature operation. They've walked the progression. Right. You know, they've been around for seven, eight years, so this is a completely different circumstance. I think it's doing good. It's still up, right? Thirty or forty percent from there. Yes, but do you think that Facebook is going to save us from another DotCom burst because of this downward trend now? The tech markets that I'm talking about in particular are your IBMs, your Microsofts, your Oracles, I mean everything's down right now. It's down percentage wise it's anything from four and a half to, you know, twelve percent, I mean, it's pretty significant dips from the highs of four months ago, so, you know those are your kind of latest options look at it as a benchmark right for or more enterprise technology service now coming out at this point is good for them, I think, are different, uh they're and what people who own stocks in those enterprise platforms want to reinvest in something similar to a space that they know. This is a good place for them to find their money. You know, So I think from a Facebook perspective, overall this probably is a consumer side of tech bubble that will that will continue to reset itself from a market standpoint, but I think that's probably ineffective and not so much the start price of Facebook, I really think it's going the position prices, the Instagram purchases, the Yammer purchases, the Skype purchases that we've been seeing, There was a day when you didn't pay over a hundred million dollars for software companies, and now the price is a billion dollars? Yeah. And, I think that's a bit unrealistic, you know, was Instagram really worth a billion dollars? II can't see anybody justifying that that's the case, and when Facebook took the 10% or more tumble, or what is it now twenty-five percent tumble. I think they've lost more. They've lost value. They paid 1% of their cap for Instagram. I don't get it. I get it- they paid one percent of their cap to be relevant. They paid the same amount that Microsoft did for Yammer. We talked about this last time. I don't think anyone realizes how crazy relevance and how expensive it has become. Yeah. I think Yammer It was a better purchase than Instagram though. It depends about what they do with the Empire. Well, yeah. I mean someone's saying, are they going to make it Microsoft Sharepoint mobile social platform. You have to step back though and realize that these are completely sell jobs from the lawyers, the brokers, and all the people who really make conditions on these huge transactions. Because if Microsoft didn't buy Yammer, you gonna tell me that they're gonna be more relevant in six months now because they bought Yammer without buying Yammer? They're not. In a year and a half from now. Say that one more time? In six months from now, Microsoft would not be anymore relevant with not any relevant with Yammer then without Yammer. And in a year and a half they could have paid less for Yammer because by then their would have been 15 other Yammer competitors out there. So, the reality is, it wasn't a transaction of necessity, it was a transaction of fear. Male 1: pressure and timing. Male 2 :Well, all transactions, are transactions of fear. Male 1:Sure. Male2: You buy a house because you're afraid your family is gonna think you're not as mature as you said you were now that it has been two years after the marriage. No one actually buys anything out of shire shrewd planning. That's a type of thinking that doesn't exist in humanity any longer. I do think it was a brilliant purchase for the sheer perception of, Hey we care. I think if it was a me too purchase. Again, we have talked about this on the show a hundred times before, maybe, i feel like we have because I pay attention. But, you know, Oracle pivoted social enterprise, Salesforce pivoted social enterprise. Biggest social software author, IBM. There's not an organization on the planet. ServiceNow has Live Feed. Everybody is racing towards how do we get people to collaborate? Now that people are just collaborating differently. if you put point is and maybe it's because I'm out taking phone calls trying to get John Willis on the show live. If your point is, did it actually do anything real for them? You know, perception is a big deal, I mean Microsoft in my opinion has to really look at a scary future of their licensing remuneration, of their original how they license stuff. They just dropped Windows 8 from the $300 I paid for Windows 7, to $40. Yes, isn't that insane? So, again, I think if you're in IT, if you're in service management, you should be watching these purchases, you should be watching these decisions, you should be saying to yourself: I am in a position to lead my organization toward better decisions because I understand how the cloud outage affected it. I understand, from listening to this podcast, types of information I should be bringing to my organization. I understand from watching Microsoft buy these technologies, from watching Facebook buying these technologies, I should be focused on mobile only. go back to the podcast two years ago, mobile only. Right? Again, but are people doing it? We are in a race against time. And I would say it used to be all about vanity. It was all about saving and looking important. You're now in a race to be relevant so you can feed yourself. Yeah. Right. Right. Well you know, this is a continual change of attitude, right? From where we were and IT even five years ago. It goes well to the tweet that I saw from Shane Carlson. Say a guest first saw this too about HR. Yeah. It's not just IT that doesn't plan itself not to be a strategic partner with the business. The article was pretty funny, I mean I read it and I said you could completely put HR and just take out HR and put IT here, and I think this a common feeling amongst most IT measures. I'll read from the article for just a real quick second. It says that every action you take as a, I'll put what it really says here, HR every action you take as an HR leader, ask a simple question, does it cause friction in the business or does it create flow. Friction is anything that makes it more difficult people in critical roles to win with the customer. Flow on the other hand is doing everything possible to remove barriers to promote better performance. The question applies to virtually any company and any business that will take you farther down the road faster than the hazy, abstract injunction to become a strategic partner. Even in what appeared to In routine HR responsibilities you can inject the business prospectus simply by asking, whether what you are doing is going enhance the flow of the business, or impede it with friction. why is it so difficult to inject the business prospective because HR leaders we feel ourselves to be near the pimple of the organization the organization reports to us it must meet on to for information, documents, and numbers. Boy, I thought IT had a problem. But, I think this is common feeling inside of IT. They want data, they want information, they're going to have to come to us. We're gonna put in command and control to make sure things are protected and things are governed and a lot of the times it's more friction than it is flow, right? Yeah. Look at any ERP system ever. It's always friction, that ain't flow. Speaking of friction and flow, what a way to introduce someone. I'm an idiot, I admit it. Oh, no, you're DevOps, we have you on because you're agile. Welcome, twenty minutes into the show. Yeah. You missed the scumm meeting, I hope you got everything done from yesterday. Yeah, right. Well, I was in the thing and I thought I was on and I was yelling because I was listening to your conversation about the people yell out. Can I go back on one point that you guys were making about the outage now that I'm here? Well can we introduce you? Sure, that'd be good. Why don't you introduce yourself, because you're a much heralded major player in the world of IT and everything that's happening now. Well, thank you I just went from idiot to like miracle worker, so, my name is John Willis, I'm the VP you have customer service enabling. We have the company called Enstratus. I've been doing IT for thirty years, I probably more recently have been heavily involved in this DevOps movement really rocked right from the ground floor. I consider myself kind of part of the tribe that promotes DevOps for all the right reasons and that's about it. We'll talk about all the right reasons in a minute. Welcome. Is this your first live to YouTube hangout? It is, as you can obviously tell, that's right. So, I I'm a big fan. You and Kote had me on your show about two years ago and this show wouldn't exist without you two. So, in some ways you birthed me, how does that make you feel? That's great, that's great. Actually there's a few out there Bert, there's the chef food fight guys they give me credit for sparking them to start their excellent chef podcast as well. Yeah, and congratulations on the weight loss, by the way. Oh, thank you very much, thank you very much. Talk to us a little about your view on the outage because I think some of it should be good. The point I want to make is I do wanna talk about data loss but it's all interrelated. Ben Black says, "You own your own availability." And so one of the things that I think that the cloud has pushed on us is that there is some magic secret syrup here, where you don't have to rethink. You know, what the Klout is, it lose the barrier to entry owning a data center. At the end of the day, you still have a business and you still have a data center. and so it gets tricky at the high end because a lot of things you give up. But, I heard someone in that conversation talking about did we do this before in data centres the good ones did. The good ones had, unfortunately it was a lot more expensive, a lot more complicated but they built high availability DR infrastructures. Some of them had mirrored hidden data centers. Some of them just brought a bunch of tapes over to another building which never worked. But at the end of the day end of the day, the misnomer or the fallacy of Cloud is that you don't need that stuff anymore, and again, take Cloud for what it's good at which is a familiar infrastructure, easy to get, you don't have to rack and stack but the people who think they're getting a cloud at a bargain basement price I used to stop thinking abut how to run the business and make your business; you know the good ones I haven't read the Netflix review yet, but you know the past major outages, you know, the good ones know how to go around this and you know because we spent a lot of money on people. Let's figure out how to get around this. And I see that was my point to Hooper was it doesn't matter where my servers are, it's the people who I hired. Exactly. Yes, questions you ask and you time you really focus on what matters. But where in the NIST standard does it say that the people you hired this way. Oh, that's Idol page, you know, not so much; yeah, yeah. No, that's in the HR article, isn't it? And that other point about like the I'm not a big I mean I love standards, but when do they really, really, really, really, really work? And I think NIST has set some great foundational stuff, but this idea that we're going to get out of this battle, this thing that's moving so fast and so crazy, that the idea of people are just staying around trying to put Dander's on you know, how many colons should go here. How many commas after this phrase. The world has to be very adaptive right now you can do more with something like chess. Did your house tilt in an earth quake John, cause you look crooked. Oh yeah I am kind of I've never watched it - a lot of live videos. I've watched John before and he tells us when he thinks, he's really really really left brained. You've got to get the blood flowing. That's right, it's a new exercise technique. Last week we did a dramatic reading where I read, Did you notice Gross put in dramatic reading music. I listen to the show. Yeah, of course you don't . You don't even run a company, as far as I'm concerned. So I see has become and idiot and brilliant in the same sentence. So we did a dramatic reading of the Wikipedia article DevOps. So I would like a John dramatic interpretation of DevOps. Yeah, you know, I think the simplest starting point is, I've always said it was Adam Jacobs. DevOps is a professional and cultural movement, period. But I think David J. Anderson who's one of the KanBan Frontier guys. I read something of his where he talks more about it being a philosophy. And I think when we look back at the old lean stuff, we see that they talk more about it being a philosophy than anything else. But beyond that and those are cheap definitions but the reason I always like this post to start for them first is it's like anything that has this danger being a fad, which DevOps is definitely a fad right now. And that's a good thing, bad thing. Yeah. But you want to always be able to draw back to some kind of a solid ground, you know? Which is, really let's not forget the cultural aspect of DevOps. It has a lot to do with why this movement is so great. Then the vendors try to take over, and you know, that's just a game. They are. I mean, I've seen vendors with complete marketing programs around 'they enable DevOps'. Of course they do. Yeah. You 're going to see expert speakers show up from all these vendors. I can see then now. Yeah. They do that with Cloud, too. They did that with Cloud and they're still doing it with Cloud. I tell the story, it's just like the stars. They spend their whole life trying to get on camera and getting pictures taken of them and the minute they become famous they start complaining about everybody taking picture of them. Well, if you're in a movement and you're pushing really hard for adoption -- you know, Damon Edwards says you can't complain about who adopts you, you know? That's why I'm all for foster parenting. Yeah, you are. That's right. So, to me I think that one of the things that's probably not in that Wikipedia article, I haven't looked at in a while but me and Damon Edwards a few years ago started this idea, it was after the first DevOps days in the U.S. They had run a couple in Europe and we kinda helped through Velocity and through Damon and myself and a bunch of other people. Tried to get the first days out in Mountainview and it was amazing to see like 300 people show up on a dime and all these people be unbelievably passionate about. One of the things I love about DevOps is you can criticize or not, but most people when I explain it to them, you explain it very simply and it will represent complex ideas and nine or ten will get it from the first explanation you know and it was three hundred people that showed up it kind of got on the first explanation. And after that we did a podcast and we tried to just sift through all the craziness that happened, the the kind of birth of DevOps in our mind and we came out with this acronym called CAMS, culture, automation, measurement and sharing and we just tried to put not to really try to change the world or say hey this is - I like that. So could you break it down for us, culture, automation - Yeah, so culture If you don't get this magic that is DevOps, which I'm drinking the Kool-aid obviously, but none of it works. You are braking few walls in a giant red suit. That's it, but none of it works unless you know... if you nail the behavior patterns that make it work. So you know and some of it is magic, some it is actually black magic but some of it is just you know, there are people like you look at a guy like John Osvar everywhere he goes. He works at Etsy now, he was at Flicker. Where he goes, culture follows. And so culture The misnomer about, the things I don't like about DevOps are the people who say, put in this tool in your DevOps. Now anybody who knows what - That sounds a lot like ITIL. I've heard this before. Well, it is. Well, I do actually wanna talk about iTunes and Hold that thought, before you guys explode and blow up here I'm gonna look for you guys, I wanna give you a couple of my theories, and and you guys either break then down or tell me I'm back to being an idiot and throw me off the show. We don't want to split hairs. There you go. now that's tooling for you. I know how to work a tool. There you go, it's all about the tools. That's the problem with DevOps is there's alot of this Like we're kind of not worrying about, so anyway, cams, I would say if you can't get the culture right, then don't bother putting anything in shaft or puppet, you know that stuff. I mean, I know you guys know this, but, unfortunately, right now in the Devops movement we are very tools-heavy on the conversation. In fact ways it's a fear of mine that DevOps might just become another fad. You know, where our correct gravity is, way too much towards the tools. The companies that have been successful, the poster child's for DevOp commerce will tell you first. it was all about their culture. You know it's all fun and games until you see a headline that reads: DevOps as a service. Right, there you go right? And you know it's at Velocity, I was at Velocity and one of the keynotes was done by Facebook. You can hate Facebook or love Facebook it doesn't matter to me but Facebook's presentation was... the title of the presentation was a question. How do you get to a billion users? And the whole presentation was about their culture and how they and focus on a culture, how they train managers. You know, it's every part of the DNA. And you know what, the Twit stream, was extremely negative. about their presentation, like as if it was one big old job posting or why didn't you talk about the cool technology? And this is velocity, where are you guys supposed to get it? Web operations. Velocity's twitter stream was blowing up, the fact that Facebook came to talk about it, but again if you've got a presentation like the one you're describing. You've got a bunch of people who supposedly espouse cultural change then being negative about it. Did you every really understand the word culture to begin with. I think i've become a big fan of Elliot Goldratt, the original Gold. Yeah we had him on last week. Oh there you go yeah well that's pretty magical cause he's been dead for about a year I think. That's why I said nobody. You guys are awesome man. I try Hey when I die can you bring me back John? Hold hands, we'll light some candles. We'll do the John Willis, two puck for Yeah. I think I'll be really smart once I'm fed. I think I'll come up with then for sure. You want to stick to the point though? You said culture 'cause the reality is that DevOps every cultural organization. I don't want it. Yeah and isn't that why DevOps be successful because out of the gate you're saying this isn't going to work for everybody, so we're going to make it a little bit more prescriptive for the people who are, right? Yeah, I And somebody said to me the other day, and I want to fight this from my core, but you can't ever work unless you it needs for different leadership. And unfortunately, you know, there's just a lot of bad leadership out there. And I gotta believe there are half There are small examples of hacks that work. But you're right, I mean the problem with - I did this gig with a large telco about a year ago and there was a DevOps workshop and their culture is so static. They got ELA's with large vendors that you have to get fourth level approval to get any other product that is a part of the single vent to ELA, right? John, who are you watching that you think is really a espousing, if I can just coin a term that probably has been used. Who's culture hacking? It's actually not enough people. There are people that are very focused on the culture of their business, but there aren't a lot like if you look at somebody like John Allspaw from Etsy. He's a poster child for doing things right. don't show up at presentations and what not, but the truth is lot of people don't--just like the velocity crowd--they don't want to hear the soft stuff. They want to hear, because Etsy is also doing phenomenal stuff with tools. Yeah. And the noise level, even though, again, I'm not accusing them of this, but the noise level of what you'll hear at Etsy is more about tools. And here's the point I want to make about Eliyahu Goldratt. Eliyahu Goldratt has a book called "Beyond the Goal" and he talks about why MRP failed, why ERP failed, why ecommerce failed, and what happens is, the early adapters - That sounds like a thrilling book. Yeah, well it's "Beyond the Goal", but he ties it to the theory of constraints. But more importantly, he says that the early companies get involved in this stuff for reasons pretty much not seen by all the people who copied it. Right. Right, and what you wind it up seeing and I'm watching this in DevOps now, you're looking at the earlier companies that got it all right on their culture. And then people are coupling basically their tool sets. And I think, there's a great quote from the father of Toyota production systems, Ohno Tiachi he says that, you know they asked him, "Aren't you afraid of bringing in American companies and looking at your process and all that?" And he said, "You know what they can copy our process but they can't copy our culture." And I think my fear is that DevOps, we're not focusing on enough on the culture hacking. And I try to because as more and more people move away from Why don't you start tweeting, everything would just a pound sign culture hack. Okay that sounds cool. Dex, you know, one IT fails is great but let's focus on a culture hack, because I've got to be honest with you John, I've only been on this show, I was on a show with you and Kote once this trippy thing for three years now with these two clowns. Which he threw under the bus when he was on your show, John. I remember the show. I am so sick it was a damn good show, I am so sick and tired of people saying culture! culture! culture! to me it's a red state/blue state Red herring, for I don't understand. I can't even swear, because we are live. But I don't understand crap, right? So I am going to use, the word culture is more buzzy. in fatish then DevOps Culture to me is a nice way of saying I'm afraid of people, and I won't want to get over being afraid of people. And be honest and open with where I am in not only my own development, but the development of the organization, the development of my industry and the development of the humans and touch everyday. But you can't. Because you're afraid if you actually were out there and you say "we suck at this", someones gonna step on you and you're gonna lose your job, and you've got a family to So I think, if Culture & DevOps and corporate hacking want to get real and get fierce, we need to be ready to say, "If you stand up, we'll help you get another job". Of course. Because hacking means disruption. I agree. I totally, and you know, I hadn't even thought of this, it's funny but there's this guy Spike Morelli and he's kind of big in DevOps in Europe. Before we did the open spaces at the DevOps days and he wanted to prove a point I actually disagreed with him and he proved me wrong. He said that we should stop using, you know, C and cams because nobody cares about the culture, and I'm like, naw, that's not true Spike. And he said, watch this. So he proposed an open spaces on culture and out of, for the two days there were probably 50 sessions proposed and probably 47 of them were tools days, 3 of them were culture. And in fact, He said that there was a big DevOps presentation. I think this is directly, that you can, it's easy. Most of these people are men, and men are obsessed with tools. I mean let's just look at this at a biological level. But again, if you go back and you start piercing, you look at these companies that are successful They get it, and everybody else is trying to copy the wrong things. What my experience has been is that people with tools for IT folks. It's very easy. Because if it fails, you work within the constraints of the tool. It's the vendor's fault. But if it's culture, the only way that we know how to change culture in IT is to change policy. Mandate. That is not how you change culture. That's right. You can look at some of the I could show you a hundred different presentations from the last 30 ITSM conferences I've been at, and I can point to where it says, policy, procedure the process, work instructions, this is how we change our culture and every time I go, "Oh my god that's completely not how you change your culture." Well, you know how that works. That works at FoxCon. And you know what the FoxCon culture does to people? It kills them. They kill themselves. Yeah, it works in Auschwitz. Right? If you're killing yourself at work, if you're jumping out of those because you've got so much process to put together for the next iPad, maybe the suicide rate is a cultural indicator at this company. Yeah, I mean if you look at the places that are getting it right, and again, Facebook says it right out blatant: "There's no other way to get to a billion users than managing culture." They just can't do it. I mean, that was their, you know, their presentation and I spoke to the guy that runs operations late at the bar. And he was saying like, "We got some pushback on our presentation." You've got to be kidding me? It was a beautiful story. So, the problem is, the guys that, back to your original question, Chris, like how do you do it, who are talking about it. There's nobody exposing the strength of it. If you look at, like, what the Facebook has done, or you look at what Etsy is doing, there's a handful of really interesting companies that are building a lot of types of things in their company, and I think it starts with people having fun, having smiles on their face. There's a guy, there's a guy that did this thing where every day he made all the people, and this may sound silly but wait until you listen to the end of it. At the end of the day he made everybody put, he called it the smiley board face. At the end of the day he made everybody write one of three faces: a smiley face, a blase face, or an angry face. And at the end of every sprint they actually brought it up in the retrospective and tried to correlate some of the bugs. There are companies that run hack days right, this is famous at places like Facebook, where they build into the time, this idea that, some companies as aggressive as every Friday One of our - we have a show in Europe and a show in Australia - but one of the podcast members over in Europe As Patrick Boulder from Hornville. Do you know what they did the other day? You would love this. So, they decided to have an innovation day, kind of like you' re describing. Right. But they broadcast it on all the Social channels so their customers could chime in. Yeah. Not only had an innovation day internally, they made it exposed. So, go to their Google page. I thought to myself that's pretty dangerous. It's transparent, it speaks for the culture. I don't know. There was a company One of the companies I was talking to over the last week, you know last week was pretty much the Mecca for guys that are dev ops. You've got Velocity, and then You have DevOps days for all the people from Logic Motors. One guy was saying that they do their stand-ups, they invite their customers to the stand-ups. That do about being bold. But the point I wanted to make about the having fun is I mean one of the mantras now in DevOps community is if you don't work for a company where you're not having fun and you're not learning stuff, you're not doing something? I don't know if anybody's aware of this, there's like a war for resources right now. Right. Yeah. I mean a war. That 's a lot of talent. There's an all out war for talent. Yeah. And I think that's where people need to be a little bit more brave about being bold at where they work. I'm constantly reminded about allocating my time and fitting into this mold, but I will constantly do what I need to do to have fun. Yeah . So if you're part of that pool which most people who would listen to this show or listen to anything I would have to say would be part of that pool. If you're not having fun, you know, and management. That's another thing why I think in someways this has to succeed because people will lose there employees because they're not doing new technologies and fun stuff. They'll also lose places when they go and hear the attitude of some of these people that are running what I call a DevOps shop, but the model of a DevOps environment. Wow, that sounds like a great place to work. I had this thing with John Aspaugh, this was a great session that we had. Basically, it was an open space session, and it says "Is it ever okay to fire an employee for making a mistake?". And it was a heavy DevOps crowd, so the answer basically across the board, there was maybe one or two people who basically said, it's a horrible say blah blah blah blah blah if it's a banker. If no ones dead there's no mistake that horrible. So then I ask the question. And the obvious reason for not doing that is you don't want to set a tone of the culture. Where you don't want your people to experiment and try things and be bold. The first time someone tries. You tell your boys, "Be Bold." Be bold, be bold. Then you try something and you're fired. So then I asked the question, what about the second time they make the same mistake? Do you fire him then? No. And the answer was no. Now I asked, okay, what about the third time for the same mistake? And his answer was no And I was like, okay, gotta put the T time, C sign up, John, You know, we're. But there's the thing, we kinda ended the session with this, agree to disagree which is weird, because I never disagree with this guy. You know what I mean? Almost everything he talks about is. So is this relief that you just ever fire somebody that they just continually make the same mistake over and over again. Well, here's the point. In the hallway, I went up to him, and I'm like, "John, this is bugging the hell out of me." And that point, I had half the room on my side, right, and not that I was trying to win an argument, but at one point I said, "Am I the only one - When you're keeping track of the room, you're trying to win an argument. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. Okay, so, but anyway so I won half the room. Just take it from someone who constantly tries to win arguments. Okay fair enough. Fair enough but so then I grabbed him in the hallway and then he gave me the example, and this is how core these guys think in culture. He said, "Here's the thing I was trying to explain and we really couldn't get it." You know how in open spaces, everybody's kind of interrupting, and that's just the nature of the beast. But he said, "Here's the thing. In my world, the way this works is somebody makes a mistake, they go out and they figure out what the mistake was. In a retrospective, they go ahead, and they basically explain their mistake to the whole team. And then the team decides how to fix it." And then, if it happens again, so what his point was then they go through that same process and the team decides. So the team says, "Okay. The answer is we didn't do this right so we need to do this and this." And then it turns out the next time that outside. So even when you get to third time, his point was, it's always the team's responsibility. That's beautiful. Now, I don't know how far you can take that, but that is a protection mechanism of culture over anything else. Right? There is a hyper protection measure over culture, over anything else. Right. Because you know in your success that that is the culture that protecting this behavior pattern, or the culture of being bold and be brave will be protected almost any, in almost any scenario. Well, I have a lot of people who question my motives behind a lot of the things that I do. I think Hooper and Beran know me better than anyone on even though they don't spend a lot of time with me. But the culture you're describing there is very similar to what I think we all do, right? So I work inside with my team at my company.then work within side my company but I focused a lot of my time focusing on my net work. Alright. So I work for more for than just my current company, I work for my net work. I think to protect that culture that you're talking about it goes back to this idea of king making. I have to always enable everyone around me, no matter how many mistakes I made to be bigger and better than themselves. 'Cause ultimately, I can't defend myself. But the people around me can. Right. Right? So, if I actually am altruistic enough to leverage the people I trust with my reputation. I never have to worry about making a mistake again. It's all about growing and learning. And if people on your team are growing and learning through mistakes, then you're growing and learning. That's the definition of culture. Yeah. You're one big organism. Look back to tribes. Speaking of one big, unnatural organism. Hold on tribe-head. We gotta get to his comments on ITIL. Yeah, there we go. Stevie Chambers just having a melt down. All right. We're a live show, we try to watch it all, we've got boards over so when you have got time every body serious with you they calm down but so here let me say this for but let me get both of these out because this first one might you know then i will get caught up on that because i want to say this good message bad message ITIL. Nothing really bad. All right, so I want to say I'm both, and then let's discuss it, if that's fair. So the thing I always say I think that. And I've got some ITIL tops. Not as recent, but back in the day. Back in the early days, you know, I worked for problem management. vendor, problem change. I worked a lot with IBM, when they were originally pushing, back when they actually used have vendors certified, which is kind of silly in the space a little bit. So what I say in the DevOps thing, I think is that ITIL is about putting process over people and DevOps is basically about putting people over a process. So when you hit a fork in the road at DevOps, it's always gonna be kind of the people or the culture of the things that work. And the beauty of ITIL was, in my opinion, was that there was a world that had no clue of what it was doing. And then we could argue whether they still do our not, but what ITIL brought to this world was, not perfection, but at least a template for the way that things could be done. But that's the negative point, if that's negative. The positive point is that I personally believe, and I think Ben Rockwood, if you don't follow him, is a firm believer of this. I think that there is a world where ITIL and DevOps will work beautiful. and it's kind of like again if you guys don't follow TOC but you know there's examples of theory. I think Hooper does TOC stuff. Yeah. I taught TOC Troy Dumoulin. There's a good book, it's called Velocity. It's combining Lean Six Sigma and theory of constraints. And the story is basically companies been running a theory constraints and TOC for years. I mean Lean Six Sigma guys come in and rake everything up, smack everything around and the whole thing turns into a mess and the end story is that what they should have done is still filed to your constraint and apply Lean Six Sigma on top of the bottlenecks and, you know, and then focused in on bottlenecks and then went ahead and then applied the institute. And so I think what we're going to find is this, you're going to be a really nice marriage if we figure out that story. But how to apply, we already see examples of it in some ways. But I think thatare correct. The question is going to be figuring out how do they both live, where they're kind of, by my definition, in conflict. Well, I think I want Hooper to answer that 'cause he teaches and he's actually gonna start up and I think that would be very interesting. Beran definitely. But they're in conflict, I believe. Because one begot the other. You couldn't have people over process if you didn't have something that was process over people. To me it's the same thing as just what we talked about from that HR article, right? ITIL to me is about constraint. DevOps to me is about flow. Right. So ITIL is about protection and about preservation, and where DevOps is about action and innovation. Right. So they're coming about it from a different outcome. And that's what I said earlier I think culturally recognizing that DevOps is not for everybody. Listen, do I want DevOps for my bank? Do I want DevOps for the airplane shop for programmers? I don't know that I do. But do I want it for my startup? Absolutely. Do I want it for my social media company and do I want it for my consumer software? Absolutely. I think it just comes down to certain aspects of how fast you want to move, and what levels of risk, and what kind of culture you are building. Do you see first the whole idea of continuous service improving 'cause you can't focus on a constraint and fix it without another one arising. So again, I think if we just, I mean John raised a very straightforward question. How do they exist? What does it look like together in the future? I truly believe that that's, you know, trying to figure out what that looks like it probably is a nice way to spend time that I don't have, when I could just say that they're going to exist, because they can't exist without each other now. You can't have those three people from Crypton who got banished by Jor-El's father there. The big, tall, goofy guy would have been a bad movie. on his own. The Chick with The Bad Attitude would have been a horrific movie on her own, and Zod by himself is just stupid. Right? So what does that movie look like with them all three together? I think building toward a future where they just coexist, not trying to figure out what it looks like or who controls it. I mean worrying about what things are, to me, is almost as bad as worrying about what tools make them happen. We almost need a new movement where it's the theory of acceptance. I'm breathing, and everything will be okay. Well that's the thing, again going back to being a Goldratt nut right now is that all his discussions are about these conflicts that get figured out. You know, there's, you know he talks a lot about They don't have a choice, continual service improvement is not choice. It's a force of nature. That's right. That's right. Now one thing I did want to say is that, I do think, I honestly, I'm so in the Kool-Aid that I do think that fighter pilots and planes and banks and all that. I think that we're gonna find is that when we get people to work in a culture that we're going to find that we make less mistakes. We're going to find that we get more productivity. Personally I'm not rejecting your opinion. But I don't personally accept that. I'm not saying we've figured it out, anywhere as near. But if we can figure it out, and learn how to transform what these companies like Etsy and Facebook are doing to banks that I think we will find higher productivity and quality. I completely I think I agree with you to meet transforming banks to act and Hooper's back to the points about banks and aeroplanes and you want them to have that maturity. You want them to focus on these types of decision making. You don't want them to focus on being innovative. Well, I want them to focus on risk and I want them to focus on constraint. You know, I want the productivity levels high. And to me, I was listening to him say, John, and I was thinking to myself, "That's interesting. Well, what happens if I'd rather fly on a less safe plane that's more exciting, than on a really terribly boring plane that's slower." Which it would be? What happens if I don't value my current state and I've traded all of my worldly possessions into a way of living and sustaining myself that I really don't care if the bank Well on a more dangerous airplane, maybe you actually get into outer space on. Well, but again, I don't even, I mean, there are, like, a good example is this Bank Simple, right? Which is out in Portland right now. As we're waiting, we talked about that on the podcast a few months ago. Yeah. That thing is radically different. Right, but I'm not even saying that. I'm just saying, I'm not a scientist. I'm just saying, I bet you we will find out that we will get better quality, better control, and better productivity by allowing people to do more freedom to work in environments where they're not interrupted. To work in environments where they're allowed to actually explore their ideas and so in that, and again, I'm not saying and we've got that nutted in DevOps by any means. I'm just saying if we can figure out the patterns that induce that. I think we have figured out the patterns. Again, you know, we like to forget the history very quickly. But there's an interesting TED talk on introverts right now that people told me about over the last few months. And the idea is over the last hundred years, that we've gone from an agricultural society into an industrial society. We force people into cities, which then force people into offices, and now we're forcing people into the open offices. Where we've taken at least 40% of the culture who are natural introverts and made them work in this groupthink, right? Right. And they're not used to functioning like that. Most innovation comes from solitary work. There's a reason I prefer to work at home. It's not 'cause I can't get anything done at work. I can't. We all know that I can't get anything done at work. But, I am affected by people's physical energy of stupidity. I can't be around other people emanating stupidity, it literally sucks the life out of me. That's why he dreams up the contest. That's why he has a Ph.D. cleaning his house. She's actually a masters in Physiology but she cleans his house just your energy your vibe of the smartness. And I hate the fact my house cleaner's from behind me while we're doing this. But John, I mean, to your point, how do we get those back? How do we get these things back? We need to respect the fact that some people. There's a doctor right there. need not to be working like we're working. Right. You know some people, introverts, we don't treat very well anymore and you know this Ted Talk made a brilliant point that, just because you're the most charismatic person, you've got everyone's attention, doesn't mean you're probably the brightest. Yeah, no, that's great. I mean I totally see what you're saying. I don't know how to put that in my brain now. I'm sorry. I'm around smart people now. So you're elevating me. I'm got some of your energy. Well, the conversation is awesome, so that's, but what I, now I'm gonna like when do you write me back? I'm starting to worry about when you're going to kick me off the show now. So, having so much fun. So, no, the thing about Insular it's interesting because I mean there's a certain point I need to look at a tad 'cause there's a certain point you're right. We've got a lot of talkers. You know, I love my Clouterati, but they are some bunch of talkers, right? You know, I mean there's some of them that are dear friends of mine But I saw somewhere the other day where somebody asked a question that was just a fundamental thing you would know if you'd ever used Amazon. It was one of the Clouderattis that didn't know it. And so that is a fear of ours, becoming such social nuts that like the real smart people the people actually like me really that can talk a good game. But we need the people like you, who can talk a good game, because the people who actually know the game are too busy focusing on their body, all right? We need, you know, I don't know. You would think I would know, but I think Hooper is kind of a smart introvert who just happens to dance on the I want to get wild extrovert side. Beran, obviously extroverted, doesn't know a grass skirt from high heels. Wouldn 't take him to a dance, but gosh he's fun to hang out and cheat on my wife with. He's the perfect mistress. When it comes right When it comes right down to it, you know, again we need to be respectful then wreck this whole culture BS that. It's not BS but we need just to be respectful that certain things will work themselves out. We've made drastically horrific mistakes in managing people and how we put them together. And oh, we'll remove the cubes and that will fix all the problems. Well actually no, it made 40% of the people more uncomfortable, and they now can't function. Right? So you know, we could, we could do this for another two hours. It's been amazing, I'd love to have you back on. If you'd be willing. Probably one of the more probably shows. Yeah, I know. I can talk about this. I've been trying to figure out. Chris, I do think, I You know, I know you don't like this wag kinda title but I think it is culture over everything else and the companies that I'm watching become nominally successful for starting this set. I think the plumbing. And what I'm hoping is people don't miss the fundamentals of their plumbing. We can make fun of Facebook all day long, but the way they're building data centers now, and the way their people are, you know they built a data center in 12 months, and then they turn around almost double in size, one in ten months you know and they're all appointed at this presentation was. This is not a fool's problem. This is building a culture where people can move fast, adapt, learn how to work with people. I mean Netflix is a little more militant about their culture, but at least they talk about it up front. They say, "If you're not this kind of person and you're not gonna adapt this, this, and this "Do not come work here." And by the way, if you do and you think you're that kind of person you're not, we are probably going to fire you. And I'm not crazy about that, but it works for them. Because, what they wind up having is people that people that stay there. People just really love this, you know, competitive, being the best of the best. So let's end today's show with each of you give me a cultural hack. So give me a line or two. Wait. Can we ask John where he got that awesome Carlos Santana picture? No. Stevie Ray Vaughn, dude. Aw, my man! Stevie Ray Vaughn yeah. Have you guys ever seen John play? No I never see him play. But if he sounds like SRV, I'm tuning in. I'm the only person alive today that pays attention. Guys, we had this jam at Dev Ops Days. I mean, like if we could do one of your service conferences. We can't have Jan at a service management conference. Oh come on, now. Oh please, these people are too busy looking up things in books. Well it's a lot of recipe books in between songs. It took 12 years to get Ian Clayton to be normal, it took him 10 years to get Paul Wilkinson to be acceptable. Oh. It'll take us. I mean, we are so far, it's just ridiculous. I mean, I follow Stevie Chambers. One, because he's an absolute nut, he is absolutely psychotic. I'm convinced of it. Two, Stevie Chambers did something really brave two years ago. He wrote a blog post and his company came after him, wanting to kill him, fire him and everything else. It was basically come across that line. And I thought at that point regardless of what I think about Stevie Chambers' opinion I need to support the people who are stand up and lay their job on the line to say something really ugly, right? No, it's fine. So, that's my culture hack for the day. If you've got it in you, if you can line up three or four jobs for next week, do something radical at work to push someone else forward. Not some process, not some tool, not some project. Find someone who you think has it in them, lay your job on the line and push them forward.forge , a culture act. Who? Yeah, Dave Ramsey, a motivational speaker, a great leadership company, in his book leadership. He talks about two types of people: Tigers and Koala bears. He says tigers are ones who, they live without fear. They don't worry about their job they belief so much on themselves that they will figure in out right they walk the line all the time they will take the risk who look very cute and cuddly, but actually can kill a human instantly. And people don't realize that about koalas, right? So koalas, they might be quiet, they might be reserved, but yet they're powerful and they're usually doped up. How do you say that. But the thing with it is, koalas, what they gravitate toward and what they The excel app is making tiger shine. They are excellent support, like having an administrative, I had an administrative assistant that is vigilant.a koala and I'm more of ice consumers, more the tiger, I take risks. I would not have been successful. I think you're more of a cougar than being a trade show host. Yeah. Oh, whatever. Right. All right. Beran, culture hacks. I tweeted it this week. If you need a tool for something and you've got the ability to use it, just use it we needed a defect tracking tool at our work recently, and we didn't have one so I built one and just started you sing it and sent it to the senior leadership and says, "Look, this is what I'm doing. I think that's a good way to push innovation." Yes and I know I am talking about tools but you can apply that level. So if you think that something is right, and it's working for you, just do it. I think that's one of the best. And what is the, say Frank say? FILDI? F it, let's do it. Yeah, you're my Koala bear. So, I like calling that the do now ask forgiveness later. Yup. I do. That's key. There are certain things that you just have to. Perhaps, John WIllis. I think that the easy ones and then there's my wish list ones. And the easy ones are the ones who are, basically, building slack into the work environment. Which is counter intuitave to most environments. If anything we learn from workflow and all that, that creating slack. Kanban happens to be a good example of a tool, one of many but, that can force slack in the workplace. I think it all boils down to things like hack days and places where you can find innovation through the people's ability to innovate by giving them slack time, and not looking, you know, using kind of efficiency syndromes. On the long-term horizon, after this last week's velocity, and you know, having all these discussions about culture. You know, I want to think more about what are the things that can be measured you know, and now I get into freak science stuff. But other things that we can measure, the soft things we don't even try. We measure everything, but we don't measure that affects our behavior

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8. Very quiet song, turn headphones up

  • Published: 2017-09-18T21:17:37Z
  • By doodle
Very quiet song, turn headphones up

Bee Movie Script - Dialogue Transcript Voila! Finally, the Bee Movie script is here for all you fans of the Jerry Seinfeld animated movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Bee Movie quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right? And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway. Bee Movie Script According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. Special thanks to SergeiK.

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9. Pets_03_Jackname_Trouble_-_Light_Again

Pets_03_Jackname_Trouble_-_Light_Again

Jackname Trouble Light Again Pets Recordings PETS03 Catz n Dogz take off with their new own imprint "PETS" , already their third release this year and like the previous two they focus on pushing Polish producers and present a fresh twist to house music. This record is by a new "secret" producer and is quite different to the previous ones, downtempo hip hop beats and electronic sounds combined with funky and jazzy elements. But what makes this the record of the day is the amazing KiNK remix. This guy is one of the busiest producers around at the moment dropping a remix almost every week it seems.. make sure to check this one out though as we believe it's one of his best ! Selected Feedbacks: Jesse Rose - great , your label is looking like one of the best for 2010! Jimpster - absolutely loving the KiNK mix on this. the man is on fine form right now!just included it on the next Freerange podcast and will give it some. chart action too.nice one, Soul clap - love this new direction. we'll probably play 4 out of 5 of these tracks. the kink mix is a floor burner fo sho and track 1, 3 and 4 are all great for afterhours weirdness. keep it up boys! Riva Starr - I love Kink!... Gadi Mizrahi - this is really nice,thanks for sending. (Wolf & LAmb) Martin Landsky - great release...i like the hip hop esque tracks a lot...and then another dancefloor stomper by kink on top...great.... Sebo K - great release! really like it! Til von Sein - 3 pets release and the 3rd banga in a row..impressed guys! still playing the first 2 releases and i guess the one will also make it into my charts & lists..kink rmx is top notch as usual ..but the other trax are also quality Matthias Kaden - just amazing great asssssshaking groovy music!!!! I´m into all songs and for sure kink´s remix.... dOP - woooo...that's something intersting..good to ear that some labels take the risk to release this music.I love all 4 tracks and the remix.I'm totally into.This new artist is really talented !! Dirt Crew - Love it ! it's so good ... Kink does it again! also really like the originals :) Adam Port - ep is cool!!! its dope that totally diffrent sound Renaissance Man- Kink doesn't dissapoint. Love the remix! Cool production on the original tracks as well. Jamie Russell/Hypercolour - It's awesome, 5/5 all round, the original tracks are amazing, and Kinks remix is a bomb. I'm gonna chart this. Sian - great,thanks chaps ...Also played by PLayed by : Reclose & dj T

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10. EPM076 Peppelino - Egothermia Podcast 06 - 11 - 2014

EPM076 Peppelino - Egothermia Podcast 06 - 11 - 2014

Beatport Peppelino: http://www.beatport.com/artist/peppelino/52777 Peter Forasi, better known as Peppelino in the electronic music industry, was born in 1985 in Hungary. He got hooked on techno music in ‘98 and in 2005 finally got his own production going.As Peppe was spending long hours working hard in the studio, the following two years quite quickly started to bring him success. His tracks were getting released on digital labels such as Prozak Records, Techment, Egotraxx and others.In 2008, his tracks started getting released in vinyl format as well on some of the biggest techno record labels including Yin Yang, Soulaccess and Penetration Nation. He has done remixes for artists as Spiros Kaloumenos, Reaky, Pratap, Dj. Link, Darkrow, Mladen Tomic, Collins and Benham, Michal Poliak, Marco G..., while his tracks were also remixed by some of the top techno producers including Stephane Signore, Pratap, Raul Mezcolanza, Reaky and many others. In the beginning of the year he got an offer to join the MOSP booking agency and he didn’t need a lot of time to think about it. He immediately grabbed the opportunity and joined the agency that cooperates with many big stars along with Lucca, Adam Beyer, Cristian Varela, Umek, Paul Kalkbrenner, Michal Poliak, and many many more huge stars from different styles like Bruno Mars, Black Eyed Peas, Katy B, Inna, Ida Corr, Shaggy and Sean Paul. Peter’s unique groovy and energetic sound was soon noticed by other leading DJ’s and his tracks are now often played by some of the biggest names in the techno industry like Christian Valera, Umek, Cristian Varela, Stephane Signore, Dj Murphy , Dj Preach, Reaky, Wehbba, David Moleon, Boriqua Tribez and many others who like to put some drama onto the dancefloor. He got some excellent reviews of a lot of his tracks charting high up on download sales, appearing on DJ charts worldwide, played on several radio stations as much as on web casts and continuously seeing his tracks on worlds biggest DJs TOP10’s. Peppelino won the ‘‘Reaky – Mushter’’ remix competition on Yin Yang records and he’s looking forward to future collaboration with his Slovene friend, the fast rising techno maniac Reaky. Peter’s career is blooming pretty fast considering he’s ‘’on-scene’’ only a couple of years. Before that he played at small local gigs and school parties.In 2009, during his first year of more serious dj-ing he played in clubs in Hungary, Ukraine and Slovenia. The following year Peppe began to get booked in other countries more often, including Spain, Slovakia, Croatia, Czech Republic, Ireland, and Russian Federation. He played with superstars like Valentino Kanzyani, Oscar Mulero, Reeko, Axel Karakasi, Stephane Signore, Boriqua Tribez, Mario Ranieri, Veztax, Wehbba, Dosem, Dj Preach, Pet Duo, Duart, Raul Mezcolanza, Fernanda Martins, Dj. Lukas, Obi, Pedro Delgardo, Aitor Ronda, Dito Masat, Horacio Cruz, Candy Cox, Dj. Lukas, OBI, Michal Poliak, Reaky, Dj. Cristiao, Ruslan Mays, Dj Jerry and many others. This year he also played in some clubs around Hungary including M47, Juliacentrál, K2, Hell Pub, Blackman. He’s very satisfied with the gigs he had in M47, because it’s the best known techno club in Hungary where a lot of international superstars often show up. He has played with most of the best Hungarian Dj’s such as Schmidt, Zsíros,Anton Vl, Dave, Kali and more. The responses about his sets were always very good and he managed to impress the audience every single time. Peter got in touch with a Spanish emerging star Fer BR and they have quite an idea going on. T he idea is to perform a live act with 2 laptops, controllers and effects, expecting the crowd to go absolutely wild. They were shown this performance on this year in Spain witch was just absolutely amazing and had good feedbacks from the crowd. Peter was played with his own liveact set on the first time in Hungary witch was very amazing and energetic.Also he was continue the producing so he had chance again to release his tracks on vinyl format as well on some of the biggest techno record labels like Petterns, Patterns Special, Relatives, Amigo Records, P Series...In 2010, Peter has totally changes his life and made a good decision to move and living his life in the city witch is never sleeping, LONDON. He took his base in that city witch was opening a lot of new ways, gates for him. About the location, flights, because there are so many airports next to London so regarding this he was first time booked in Portugal where he was played with the legendary Pet Duo and also many other uprising techno start from Duart to Raul Mezcolanza. Also he was debut in Belgium in an Open Air Festival where he was acted with Dj. Cristiao from Spain and Peppe also was booked in clubs over Europe. Both debuts, gigs were just perfect to see for him what’s going on those countries and how peoples over there are wonderful and enjoy the electronic styles. The first England gig also just came during this time in his life witch was in the fabulous Storm Club in Coalville witch was pretty crazy. He did not stop the music making, more and more tracks, remixes were released on this time by digital and vinyl format also. He started to work some other kind of styles. Those tracks were still energetic and dynamic but slower a little bit and he was released those tracks as Peter Forasi aka Peppelino.After this step, those tracks were charted by the biggest stars on over the word from Umek to Christian Fischer.From 2011 till 2012, this energetic guy was taking some rest and took back his speed a little bit. He did not finish producing music, but he did not make that much of tracks, remixes like before. This guy confused a little bit about the styles because as you can see the techno is every day is changing. He want to find the right way for himself witch is not really easy now days because he does not want to lost his funs, supporters about this changing. So he is looking for something new witch are still groovy, driving and energetic but maybe slower and has darker sounds and I think he is going on the right way. Peter also get contacted with Steel Grooves, the US techno gangster, who has absolutely amazing sound, so they are working on some tracks, so keep on eyes on the market soon, some bombs are coming.Also he was debuted in a gig in Scotland where he had absolutely amazing crowd and public.In 2013, Peppelino changed a lot and he had one of the busiest periods in his life. His usually hardgroove-techno style with fast bpm, what is made him unique is the past. He closed that part of his life and he was driving on other way. You do not have to scare of it, he didn’t finish his career. He just slowdown, and he is started to produce slower Techno. His new style is absolutely amazing and banging. He is producing tracks and remixes on 123bpm-130bpm with dark sounds, deep and killer bassline and of course cannot miss the dynamic and driving from his tracks. Well, regarding this step, he had a lot of attack by old Peppelino Fans, because they were thinking he is moved on this side about money. We have to let everybody know he is changed because this new style is taking on the place now in his heart, and he has a kind of reborn now days, this is what this style is giving for him.And he had right as so far the result showing up. He had realeses on massive Labels like Transmit Recordings, Pornographic Records, Night Light Records, Monique Musique, No Sound Music, Dark Face Recordings, Ultrachic music, DSR Digital and of course Airtaxi Records. Why of course? Well,Airtaxi Records opened on the June of 2013 and managing by Peppelino. This amazing new label will focus on releasing original music from both upcoming and established artists, primarily fusing influences from techno genres including, dark techno, techno, tech-house.Peppelino has got a lot of potential and in the following years he’s looking up to more and more success.It’s just a matter of time his energetic vibes start dominating the world...

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11. The 4 Pillars Of Filmmaking

  • Published: 2011-10-26T20:40:41Z
  • By socomedia
The 4 Pillars Of Filmmaking

We are back with another exciting Spidcast episode this month (listen in below and subscribe on iTunes) with a focus on collaborative filmmaking. For July’s show we feature two filmmakers and actors who have both created original web series. These two individuals are doing interesting things within the new media space, and it was our pleasure to have Gavin Leighton and Mike Lawson (both featured below) on the show. Our Guests Gavin Leighton is a co-creator behind the web series Hitting the Fan, he also works in the creative and business aspects of acting, writing, music, producing, and collaborating. Mike Lawson is also a co-creator of the Hitting the Fan web series, is behind Idiotscreen, and has appeared in a few feature films including “Friends With Money, Fast Track, and American Pie Presents Band Camp. If you’re interested in sponsoring next month’s Spidcast show with a product or service you sell that’s filmmaking related, then please get in touch. If you have something to say with regards to what Gavin or Mike talked about, then please post a comment below to continue the conversation. Thanks for listening, and be sure to share this show with anyone in your network who can get value from its content! Full Show Transcript Below INTRO Michael: Hi. I’m Michael London and welcome to Spidcast, the future of collaborative video production brought to you by Spidvid.com. On this episode, we’re visiting with Gavin Leighton and Mike Lawson, both actors living in Los Angeles and both now blazing their trail to non-traditional video production and delivery and worldwide collaboration as well. They have, in fact, worked together but also separately both with great success. I’m certain you’ll enjoy their similar but quite unique stories as well. First up is Gavin Leighton. Gavin, welcome to Spidcast. Gavin Leighton: Thank you. I’m really excited to be here and thank you for the opportunity to get to speak with others that are like-minded who want to do what they want to do. Michael: Gavin, tell us a little bit about your story? Gavin Leighton: I live in Los Angeles. I moved to Los Angeles about 7-and-a-half years ago. I moved out here specifically for acting, music and writing. During that time, I’ve worked some as an actor and booked things which have been exciting, but I’ve also have, most excitingly, been able to work on projects where I helped to create or I was just a part of the process with a group of friends and getting to wear lots of little hats on various projects over the course of time that I’ve been out here, which for me, have been really fulfilling. It’s a different experience that just booking something and moving on. You actually create something which is pretty exciting. Michael: Well, it sounds great. Now, tell us a little bit about how you broke into the business. Gavin Leighton: I’ve had the honor and the good fortune to work with some really great people out here in Los Angeles. I’ll name a few as I go along, but just name some, I’ve had the good fortune of working with Peter Atencio, working with Jen Ci, and Elisia Skye and these are all people that have made some really incredible video content and had gotten some attention with their work for numerous reasons specially with the quality of their work. One of the things kind of most notably for me was I produced something called “Barackula: The Musical.” We did this several years ago, long time towards the end of ’07, long before it was cool to jump on the Barack Obama bandwagon and making videos about him. We created this 12 minutes—I call it a short political-horror-rock musical and basically Barack Obama fighting vampires at Harvard Law School. It’s totally fun and two musical numbers and dancing which I composed for, I helped produce, I also starred in. That was kind of my first experience with collaborating with others in creating video content and it got a lot of attention. We were featured on CNN, Fox, MSNBC. We were discussed with VH1 and MTV. We’re in newspapers. It was really cool. We got a lot of great publicity and it was all kind of unintentional. We were not aiming to get that kind of publicity. It just kind of fell into our laps because we released it at the beginning of February of 2008 like around Super Tuesday, just for fun, and it just kind of took off from there for awhile which was cool. Michael: Now, I’m going to guess on that production that you took advantage of collaboration? Gavin Leighton: Absolutely. So, what had happened was, some friends of mine, Mike Lawson who I work with quite a bit, Brooke Shirey, Justin Sherman—they were just making a short film and they wanted to know if I wanted to produce it along with them. It was just really a story about Barack Obama being at Harvard and that’s all it kind of was. I like the idea of collaborating because you get to spend time with friends in a really special way, in a way that you get to do something that you love to do. You get to create something. But then somebody came up with the idea of making it a musical and that really got my attention. I was really on board from that point on and then they decided to make it a vampire musical. We just had a great time. The four of us working very closely together and we created a great script and we made some really great music and the script and music and the idea that inspired and rolled others to kind of be a part of the project. We kind of enlisted a guy named Mark Mannschreck who had a RED Camera and it was the first time that any of us got to use or even see a RED Camera in the beginning of ’08 when it was really just kind of coming out. This guy Mark allowed us to just use his camera. He was just being a part of it just because he enjoyed the idea of it and so he got himself inspired to be a part of it. That’s kind of how it happened. And something very, very small an idea that we had that we didn’t have these big, high hopes for, it was just something we just wanted to do for fun, turned out to be something much bigger than any of us expected and I think that got me really into the idea of collaborating with others. Michael: Well, you’ve certainly whetted my appetite. Where can we see that? Gavin Leighton: Thank you. It’s Barackula.com. People tend to misspell it but it’s just like the President’s last name. It’s B-A-R-A-C-K-U-L-A. Like Dracula but Barackula. Just Baracula.com and you’ll be able to see how press and all that but you can also watch the full 12-minute video in HD on there. Again, everything there, just so the listeners can know, it looks really good, but we shot it I think for about 2,000 or less and a lot of it was just from favors that we got from friends. We got food donated to us. It was really just one of those things where we know the right people. We’re in that community of making video content and by knowing others and by being a part of that group, they come in and they help you with the thinking that at some point, you’ll return the favor and it’s kind of like a family that produces these projects and we have. Barackula.com. I hope people go and check it out. Michael: I’m sure they will as will I. Now, you mentioned limited budgets, tell us how to get the most from a limited or even sometimes a no-budget production? Gavin Leighton: Sure. I’ll speak to it with some experience. Most recently, we’ve produced a new comedy series called “Hitting the Fan”. It’s very, very small budget. The first place to start when you want to create something like a web series or just a show or just a single thing, the first place to go is have that clear idea of what you want. Before you start calling friends over, before you maybe even start writing, you really want to think what is it that I want to create? How can I do this cheaply? Who do I know that can help me on this? People sometimes think that when you hear the word resources, you think in financial terms, but in this kind of world, in this kind of arena, with making video content, your resources are the people around you. If you associate with people that make video content or know people that do, they have a great wealth of resources for you that you may not even be able to imagine. At least start sending out emails or making phone calls and starting from there to see what people can do. We had asked a friend of ours that the sound—our friend, Josh Bissett, he joined us on “Hitting the Fan”. It was all just a favor to us. We didn’t pay him pretty much at all. He should’ve take more, but he did it simply because he’s a part of that group and at some point, I assumed that will help him with something as well. That’s one way to begin. Michael: Okay so you got the project done and now you’ve posted it. How do you get people to find it? Gavin Leighton: Okay, once you’re past the production aspects and you’re now on post-production, maybe editing or even past that, what do you do now? Once again, I would say, look around at the world around you. Follow the right people on things like Twitter. That’s certainly an amazing resource because if you follow the right people on Twitter, you can learn information that you really wouldn’t get unless you spend hours digging up online. These people are doing it for you already and you can do it and kind of live streaming in action. Other ways to figure out how do you benefit others? Where does your content belong? For instance, you made a series, would a company like Netflix or Xbox, would they have any interest in having some original content? Is the quality of the audio and the video quality up to par with what they want if you’ve done some good planning on your end in pre-production and production? Maybe you have some really phenomenal quality of writing, of performances, video/audio. If you have all the four magic things all in place together, there’s a lot of places where you can go. Right now what we’re doing is we’ve shot two episodes of our show and we’re kind of on that same place, we’re reaching out to places where it might belong. Another example, maybe check in with a website or a product or something—I’m just going to Target, I don’t know, for some reason, it comes to me. You contact Target and maybe for some reason, (pay) their own show on their website. Who knows the reason why, but they just might. Maybe your show has that original content that they’re looking for which they can also advertise on as well. All of the sudden, out of nowhere, you have some great financing that you never would’ve expected. It’s simply, once again, a matter of collaboration, but this time with a company. Michael: Well, you’ve given us some wonderful insights into the whole process from idea to completion. What do you foresee now in the next say, five to ten years? Gavin Leighton: It’s funny when that has had a hand in making video content. Now, people know that it’s an exciting time to be doing this because look at where things were five years ago? You never would’ve imagined the kind of advantage that we see with video equipment and all your equipment that we have access to now. Not only do we have access too, but also really cheaply. There was never anything like HD cameras. It would’ve cost a fortune five years ago, but right now, and there’s no excuse for anybody to not be able to make something that is worthy for a big screen, with lots of people watching it or worthy of having 10, 20,000, 30,000 people following it. It’s just a really phenomenal, exciting time to be doing this because cameras are going to be getting better. Sound equipments are going to be getting better. They’re also going to get more affordable. Even this month, I think, final cutbacks with Apple (has got) software coming out, I believe, this month if I got that right. Even advances in just software can really take people’s production to a new level that they would not have imagined five years ago. The exciting thing is in five years from now, it’s just going to be the same thing, but it’s going to be exponential. I see in five years now, everyone having cameras like the RED camera or better. Being able to make something that looks beautiful for under a thousand dollars or whatever it might be. Once you have these resources available to you, the first place to begin is a good, proper planning. What do you want to write? What kind of script do you want? Get out there and speak. I suggest people to give their scripts to others and let them do a table read because technology can get better and you can have access to really phenomenal equipment that’ll make you look good. But you want to make sure that the content is good too. It’s all equal in form. Michael: Well, there you make an excellent point. The accessibility, the ease of use, the quality of the equipment, but it still comes down to the writing. Gavin Leighton: Absolutely. Every single time. Again, another example with our show right now, “Hitting the Fan”, we did a table read with a group of friends that we were not asking to help us. We just wanted to hear how it sounded out loud with me and Mike Lawson and Ron Fallica, kind of production he might have out here. And we liked having this table read but once people read the script, there are actors with great credit, people with great talent, people that their time is valuable. They said to us, how do we be a part of this? We just want to be a part of it. We’ll help any way that we can. This is a great script. It’s very funny. It starts with that. From that point forward, because we had a good product before the cameras are turned on, more resources became available to us and also for free. We got free location and things like that in nature. Michael: Gavin, tell us a bit about how Spidvid has impacted collaboration and production for you? Gavin Leighton: Absolutely, when I first learned about Spidvid, not too long ago, is impressed with the idea. It’s essentially just a place where people like myself and others, the same who’ll be listening to this, can really connect with others and it’s another great resource out there. That’s what it’s all about. You go online and you put out a video idea and before you know it, the world brings you something that you would not have expected yesterday. And now, all of the sudden, your project is jumping to new great heights which built the excitement and built the, I think, the production value as well. I think it’s a great form for people to connect and learn things about themselves as video creators and also learn things about others and to produce even better content in the future. Jeremy’s is also just a pretty nice guy. Michael: He is that indeed. If you could just wrap this up with a few easily digestible nuggets, what would they be? Gavin Leighton: The four things that I think that are most valuable is that they’re your four pillars for a great project and that is great writing, great performances, great video, and great audio. If one of those pillars is missing, I feel like the foundation of what you’re trying to accomplish will fall apart if you’re trying to go for something grand. If you’re just wanting to make something just to make it and show friends on Facebook or YouTube or whatever, then you have a lot more freedom but if you’re trying to take it to a next level, you are getting financing or want to place it on a network, you really need to take under consideration, I think, these four very essential aspects to video creating. Michael: Excellent. Now, Gavin, one more time, where do we see your stuff? Gavin Leighton: You can see my new show, which I’m the star, the writer and composer of this as well, Hittingthefanshow.com. You can watch Barackula at Barackula.com and I can be emailed from any of these sites. The best one out is [email protected] Michael: Thank you so much, Gavin Leighton for joining us today. Gavin Leighton: Michael, thank you so much. I appreciate it. BREAK Michael: Next up is an actor, writer and editor of Idiotscreen.com. He’s Mike Lawson. So tell us a bit about yourself and what’s your story? Mike Lawson: Well, I grew up in Dayton, Ohio, in a small town right outside of Dayton. I always knew that I wanted to be a part of films. I started making films when I was around four or five and my parents played different roles and I would direct them and write them and make remakes of movies that I really like, like “Red Dawn” and a movie called “Daryl”, which is a cheesy movie about a boy robot. I write and I just continue to do that through my childhood and I moved out to L.A. like so many other people primarily to be an actor and a writer, but I really focused on writing first and (I was) in the acting first. I started working at casting offices just to intern and learn the other side and worked in script development in a couple of production companies also to learn that side. Slowly, I booked like kind of bit parts on TV shows and then the parts started to go a little bit bigger and did some independent films and started to write more and I started to produce my own stuff because I got tired of waiting around like so many people do. I produced a couple of short films and web series and then I thought of the idea to kind of create my own site like a blog featuring interviews and panel discussions in our own content that my friends and I would do and have a hub for it. I created Idiotscreen.com and now it brings me to greater than right about now. That’s basically my story in a nutshell there. Michael: So take us to the process from your idea to script to the finish product? Mike Lawson: Well, my friends and I, we thought of an idea originally for like a half-hour comedy show and we wrote a pilot and we were like where do we take this? We didn’t have many connections with inside the big network studio system so we said let’s do this on our own. At that time, the people were, of course, creating their own content for the web, and we thought we can do this. We have the script and then we have to add the outline for the rest of the series. The show is called “Hitting the Fan” and we basically kind of pooled our friends together. We had a sound guy friend of ours that we said can we get work (cheaper too.) We started creating the website just this WordPress site, found this WordPress theme and started learning that so you’d have the color scheme and then we just called all our friends and Facebooked them. Between the three of us, my friends Gavin and Ron, and we basically put in money we had into it, which was very little and created a test pilot shot on a HV20 camera this little mini DV camera. We used China lanterns because they were super cheap. We used other kinds of light fixtures from Home Depot and when our sound guy couldn’t be there, we had the other actors kind of boom that first episode. We shot it and it took several months to edit it. We had a guy editing it, a friend of ours in New York. We were editing out here between our computers. Had a lot of bad luck as far as like computers crashing and there’s probably like five different computers that was on. Then we had a friend do the sound mix. We created it. We had a screening and then we decided let’s do a second episode before we air anything. We went out and we put a little bit more money but not much but we have learned a lot from that from that first one way shot on the T2i Rebel and the Canon 70 DSLR HD cameras and we got our other friends involved and we used again, mostly China lanterns, not really any traditional film lights but we went out and we shot it and same thing, it was a lot quicker because we didn’t shoot as much footage. We improved a lot more that first one. We were a lot more efficient with our time and our schedule and the second episode and we kind of put it out there. That’s kind of how that happened for that show, “Hitting the Fan”. And then another series that I did was a lot different. That panel show for Idiotscreen. Basically, I just contacted various people that I’d want to interview and schedule a day at a friend’s house and had the basic China lanterns and borrowed a couple of lights from friends and set up three cameras, two T2i Rebels and the one 70, had some friends come. We just shot interviews all day and then had another friend edit and put it out on the web and try to send it out to the influencers out there, the people that who’s opinion seem to matter, which I believe is everyone, but we send out to everyone and also those who have even more influence as far as views on their site whatever. Michael: Now, through what you just said, there was a continuing thread—friends, friends, friends. Tell us about how friends and Spidcast and others have helped you? Mike Lawson: Well, Spidvid and Facebook and them together are basically—for us, I can speak at least for how we do it. They need resources to find talent because like a lot of the people that I work with, I come mostly again from the acting background and at the time, I didn’t have a lot of friends that were—I have one sound guy friend, which was a blessing, but the other people, I didn’t have many DP friends or editor friends or grips. In certain cases for acting’s sake, one of my friends are kind of playing the similar age to me, kind mid to late 20’s, but there’s not always, maybe like someone in their 40’s or a teenager. It was very helpful to find people who I didn’t have in my inner circle then and who wanted to do the same thing. Of course, by them helping us out, in turn, we owe them our help on their passion projects. It’s just a way to find people because very often, in our case, we didn’t have the funds and even so, even if we did, we would want to have a place to find them that we could trust, that we would have like obviously, if we have people who’ll vouch for other people in person and online, we can trust them more than if we just got a resume through Craigslist. Seeing someone’s profile page and their example work all in one page, I think, is very helpful and on Spidvid and Facebook and Twitter in a completely different way, but for as far as connecting, Facebook, Spidvid and some of the other places out there are huge resource to filmmakers and they definitely were for us. Michael: Well, you feel your collaborators have certainly helped to bring the future to reality. What do you now see in the near and distant future? Mike Lawson: Well, I see it going on the direction that it is. It’s becoming, of course, more digital and that gatekeepers once were at these networks and studios. They, of course, fight on to it to keep their place but it’s slowly slipping away. If you think that when it comes to collaboration, there’s going to be more and more content and more and more avenues to watch it and it’s already happening the way everyone is watching on different devices, mobile and of course, on internet, on television and vice versa. We’re just going to see more of that. What I don’t think is going to change too much or I hope not is the medium itself. I’m a huge fan of collaboration. I think that that’s an incredibly important thing, but I also think that having a specific vision, it was the one creator or a couple creators and of course listening to input is very important but what I hope that it doesn’t change is that personally, I’m not a big fan of interactive content. When I’m watching a story or reading a book, I want the writer or director to take me into certain place. I don’t think that’s going to change except for a couple of gimmicks here and there, but where will change and get better, I think. There’s more and more sites and keeps growing. We can find more people and we can monetize the content online. Joseph Gordon-Levitt has that hitRECord site which I believe just sold a first book from someone coming up with an idea of that site and they have a book deal, I believe, I just saw. I could be wrong. We’ll see more and more of that where the gatekeepers are going away and the gatekeepers are just you and me and everyone else who are have an internet account. That’s just going to continue to grow and get better. Unlike where the actual storytelling itself despite a couple of gimmicks and niches here and there, I hope that doesn’t change too much because I think there’s something to be said for classic storytelling. Pushing boundaries is one thing but that’s basically kind of what I feel about. Michael: Mike, you’ve mentioned the phrase “gatekeepers” several times and is it that a wonderful thing that the process of those “gatekeepers” that their influence has changed. Mike Lawson: Yes, it’s a great thing. It doesn’t cost as much to create something now that you used to. The gatekeepers are not as important they once were. We now have the ability to go out there and create what we want to create at a cheaper rate. That’s inspiring. You can also use that with the cost going down and more content out there, it’s harder to monetize, but I believe that the ones that really stand out—the films, short films, the web series, whatever it may be—the ones that are truly great will find a home and will make money and we’re going to make some money on their next one. I think that the good ones will eventually be found. Michael: Now that we’ve had a chance to visit with you Mike and folks have gotten to know you, I’m sure they’re going to want to see your stuff. Where do we go find some of your work? Mike Lawson: You can go to Idiotscreen.com or Hittingthefanshow.com and you can watch the panel shows and interviews that we’ve done and also the original series “Hitting the Fan” and then we’ve got a feature film called “The Deadbeat”. We’ll be shooting later this fall and there’ll be more information about that as well. Idiotscreen.com and Hittingthefanshow.com as well. Michael: Excellent. And do you have a parting shot for all listeners? Mike Lawson: No, I mean, other than I guess the typical, just set a due date and go out and do something, I think you’ll find it be the best thing. As Seth Goden says, “Ship it.” Just go out there and ship something out into the world and then keep and go out and ship something else and constantly we’ll better each time, but the important thing is to “ship it”. Michael: Mike Lawson, thank you so much for taking the time to visit today. Mike Lawson: Thank you, Michael. I appreciate it. Michael: Thanks for listening to our Spidcast show. We appreciate your time and attention. You can now join the conversation at Spidcast.com or on our Spidvid blog. And you can join our collaborative filmmaking community at Spidvid.com. Tune in next month for another entertaining and informative episode of Spidcast.

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12. Gartner, Like A Boss! - ITSM Weekly The Podcast (Episode 73)

Gartner, Like A Boss! - ITSM Weekly The Podcast (Episode 73)

Full Show Notes and Transcription Here: http://www.servicesphere.com/blog/2011/9/29/gartner-like-a-boss-itsm-weekly-the-podcast-episode-73.html Transcription: ITSM Weekly, the podcast bringing you news, insight analysis and information from the world of IT service management. Your hosts, Matthew Hooper, Chris Dancy and Matt Beran. IT Service Management Weekly. The podcast starts now. Hornbill's very proud to be sponsoring our favorite show: ITSM Weekly, the podcast. Hornbill support works enables ITSM with the human touch, helping service desks to deliver a better customer service experience. If you don't know about Hornbill, look out for the ITSM extreme makeover, where, alongside our partners, we'll be demonstrating the value of effective IT service management to the entire community. Proving your worth, that's the future of the service desk. Visit us at Hornbill.com. Welcome to ITSM weekly, the podcast, a very special podcast brought to you by Hornbill Software. We'd like to send a big shout out to Hornbill. I know you just heard their intro, but a big shout out. Hornbill did what I was unable to do through my begging and pleading, and actually made it possible for our today's guests, esteemed guests. I guess it official. We've talked to Jeff Brooks before, but he wasn't anointed at that point. I'd like to welcome to Mr. Jarod Greene and Mr. Jeff Brooks to the show from Gartner. So guys, we've got Gartner on the show now. I mean, it's not, you aren't Gartner. I mean, you are Jeff and Jarod. How are you feeling? It's a really exciting time. We've got some great research stuffs that we're working on. We're really tracking the service desk market, talking to vendors, talking to clients all the time, and always expanding our body of knowledge as well as being able to provide our clients with the kind of direction that they needed to solve their technology solutions. And specifically, how do you feel about being on the podcast? You know, I really enjoyed the last time I did it. I think it's a great avenue to get up there and discuss the kinds of topics people want to know about. You know, the growth of the listeners over the big year that you guys have been doing. This has been phenomenal, and I think any bit of information that people can get their hands on, helps them make better decisions about what they're doing. I know that we may get into talking about how do you select which bits of information? But I do think it's important that you at least have that knowledge out there? That information that you can at least listen to or learn from it and then decide whether or not you're gonna use that. You knew he was talking this podcast, ITSMWP? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jeff, I was talking to someone the other day. They said, do you know Jeff Brooks? And I said I would consider Jeff Brooks to be a FOC. And they said, what? I said, Friend of Chris. You know Little FOCers. Because I think you're just such a phenomenal person I was so happy to hear that you joined Gartner. Plus, I mean, it's the dream job for everyone. Now Mr. Greene, that's a completely a different situation. I've had a chance to speak with him a few times on the phone, and I'm a rabid, rabid fan. You made quite a stir when you Tweeted out about the retirement of the IT service management, service desk magic quadrant. And I think it might have been back in April. It got a lot of people's attention; I know it's one thing that I get asked about most. But so many people have no idea what that means, or even about the life cycle of a magic quadrant. Could you shed some light on the life cycle of a magic quadrant and specifically around the IT service management measure quadrant? Yes, as far as insight into the magic quadrant being retired, we want to have people understand is that we still see the IT service desk as a viable and mature market, you know, where we look at the market data from 2010. We're talking about a 1.3 billion dollar market. There are well over 100 vendors who provide capable tools that our clients pay attention to. We actively track their activities as best as we can. What happened, tied to service desk tools over the past 15, 20 years is that they've become very commoditized. You can see that from a core functional standpoint, incident, problem, basic change management, self service knowledge management. The tools are doing very similar things. There's little differentiation in the solutions from a service desk perspective. Part of that is because a lot of client's attention is focused more on CNDB, service catalog, project portfolio management. And they're looking at how service desk integrates into those pieces, more so then their looking at stand alone service desk. And so with CNDB and those other technologies driving the buying decisions, you know, we wanted to put out research that reflected that trend. We're seeing more organizations purchase in a sweet base capacity, more so than best of breeds. No one's mixing and matching service desk with change management, with release management. They're buying one suite from one vendor and we wanted our research to reflect that activity. So, when you look at the magic quadrant over the last four years, or at least in the time since I've been involved, you know, inclusion criteria was always basic incident, problem change, inventory, self service, knowledge management, service request management. You needed four of those to get in, you needed to show up on short list, and you needed to deal primarily in enterprise. Well, what happened was that a lot of vendors meet that criteria. And so, you know, there's lower barriers of entry in the service desk space. There's a little market consolidation. It's close to 100% saturation in terms of users who have a service desk. And, you know, all those factors are telling us that we needed to find a way to meet our clients' needs based on the types of decisions they were making. So again, consolidation or excuse me, commoditization can train the distribution of how vendors are traced in the quadrant. You saw that vendors tended to be the same year to year. And so, again, we just wanted to refresh the way we thought about this. And again, it doesn't mean that the service desk market is dead. You know, we certainly hope not. Jeff and I were hired to cover the space. So, you know, if that is the case, we were told something different and need to have a conversation with someone. But, you know, we're gonna spend a lot of time focused on service desk metrics, best practices, stellar vendors, the trends, integrations, intersections. And really helping client optimize both cost and inner resources. So, we know you guys love the magic quadrant so much. So we want to continue to talk about it, right? That's nice. And you think that you're going to dial up restrictions for getting on there to be more stringent or less stringent so that you're getting more vendor selection or you're getting less. Specific to what I've been doing as far as social media and the service desk is concerned. I just wanted to provide a voice that was somewhat of a challenge of conventional wisdom. So, we're looking at some IT services desk's best practices. You talk about the way things have been done in the past through traditional collaboration tools like email, like chat, like cookies, like blogs. And you know, while those are inherently social solutions. We'll talk about sort of new social media. A lot of people look at it as, you know, the cool thing or the hot thing. And you know, I don't want to look at it from that lens. I want to look at it as a vehicle that will foster engagement between the IT department and its end users. And so we want to do that through the use of social media and engage users in a way that they're comfortable with, that they're familiar with; and quite frankly expect IT to provide. When we talk about the advent of Facebook, how many users are on that, and Twitter, and LinkedIn, and any other social media platform, you can certainly see that the interest is there and you can certainly see that a lot of solutions are now being designed to incorporate some of those social features and functions. I don't expect the service desk to not follow in that particular direction. They put out a SPA that you know, over the next four or five years is that these functions, these social functions, are going to be standard. And so the older outdated approaches we have about, you know, sending that tech email every Friday, or you know, surveying end users via e-mail. That's going to change a little bit and at the same time we'll be able to solicit data and feedback that gives us the truer, you know, so to speak, voice of the customer. It's going to allow the IT department to make some better decisions. So, I'm excited about that and again. I wanted people to take away, sort of what you can do with social. Understand that it's not a threat to productivity. Understand how to leverage it, understand sort of what your requirements are from a security perspective, from a governance perspective. And you know look to write a lot to that over the next few months or so. So please be on the lookout for that. Okay, enough magic quadrant. So, maybe, Jeff, since you're new, well relatively new to, how long have you been at Gartner now, Jeff? Three months. Three months. Well you made it past your probationary period. There you go. You're getting insured now, so. Can you talk a little bit about like the life cycle of research papers, and like how you're interfacing with the community. And how you interface with service desk folks. And how, like, to talk about the life cycle of the research data. Sure. So a lot of people may not understand exactly what a research analyst at a tech firm like Gartner does. I had the pleasure of meeting up with my parents. And my mother looks at me and says, "Do you like your job?" She says, "What do you do?" Well, I you know, try to tell people what they should be doing for their business. And she goes, "I don't understand. Why wouldn't they just go on the internet and Google?" And I looked at her and said, "That's true." And we were sitting at a restaurant and she said, "You know, your dad went to Yahoo and looked up this restaurant and you know looked at the review and said that we should go there. And I looked her and I said, "What if the person who wrote that review was psychotic? How do you get that information?" The thing about being an analyst is that it's not just looking at data, it's taking the data and then looking at what's going to happen and one of the trends from the data, those of you who know me know that I love metrics and the numbers because there's no emotion in the metrics easy to say, "Here's my base line. Here's where I'm going". Well, an analyst is the same thing. Most people relate to a financial analyst. You look at Jim Crane of Trent Kramer on the TV and he's banging telling you to buy this, buy that. He's doing the same thing that we're trying to do. And he's getting data the same way that we're doing it. So we're talking to clients. Jarod and I are taking inquiries a day. The service desk inquiries is one of the most frequent inquiries we get. They come to us. We'll do about 1,400 between us in a year. And that's client calling us asking all kinds of questions, "What tool should I buy? Here's a shortlist." How do I decide?" "What should I be paying?" "What's the best structure?" "How do I make my SLAs work?" "I'm outsourcing. I'm insourcing. What do I do?" "How do I get data from A to B?" And we take that and we advise based on the collective Gartner experience and research and data and then we continue to take that information to develop new research from there. So a question that comes up that we're able to answer may lead to a research note where we get together and say, "You know this was a question I had on a inquiry. I'm going to have to do with the best structure for SLAs." And so we'll get with other analysts and discuss that and say, "What have you seen?" "You know, what's your experience?" "What do the research notes say?" And together, we build that. We've also got full departments that are solely responsible for collecting data or probably the data. So, we have market share data that we look at. Or that market share data we're able to draw trend lines to say, "Here's where we think the market's going." So, drawing that right now. We're frantically working on vendor landscape documents as well as looking at proliferation of the sassed appointed model for service desk tools. That's something that everybody is aware of in, even in the past ten days, looking at market data and we found some things that are fairly interesting, you know, are shocking and were able to accurately say, "Here's where this market is going to be dealt with. When vendors look at that, they're going to say, "Huh, I'm not doing that. Maybe I need to be doing doing that." So in some ways are you wagging the dog? Yes, and it's not because that's our push to do it, it's because we're taking that collective of information and letting clients know here's where, here's where the industry the market and the trend is going, you can go that way or you can do your own thing. We often hear people who, you know, everybody we talk to is unique and different and they're doing it their own way. Right. And all we can say is, well here's what the rest of the industry is doing and that industry has grown X percentage. You can do it your own way. Right. But we can't really say with any certainty what's going to happen to you. Right. I think it's interesting your position around looking at the data. And speaking with Jarod a few times he explained to me a little bit about the number of clients that Gartner has, and how that helps you guys just by understanding what their needs are. And what types of questions they're asking. But, you know, it's really interesting when you start to think about. I mean, I've read, I was fortunate enough to read two of your white papers. One on service management community. I'll put a link into the show notes to that where you can get a hold of that and one on socializing the service desk. I think those were altered by each of you. And some of that stuff was, you know, a little predictive in there but I felt that it was safe predictive. And I don't mean safe as in a bad way. People hear me say, oh that's a safe bet. And I don't mean that in a way. But you really can't tell people, "Drop everything you have and build a time machine," either. How do you responsibly draw that line? Is it something you'd know inside? Do you have a committee you run it by? I mean there's a fine line between being really helpful and forward thinking, and being just psychotic. Well, I think Gartner's done a great job in being more open. I can tell you, I've been with Gartner for seven years now, and I remember when I started there was just Gartner.com and you could access a white paper or you could read it and you know, you can also set up an appointment with an analyst. In that time, though, I've seen that we've moved to being more open. We have a blog network. A lot of my colleagues blog within the Gartner network. There's a lot of analysts on Twitter. You talk about, you know, the magic quadrant, a sort of announcement happening on Twitter, it wasn't on purpose. It's just something I wanted to bring to attention in the fastest way possible them and when you talk again about social media. That was the fastest emotional appropriate way to do it. And vendors have been notified to that point, so no big deal here. But to the point about being open. You know, a lot of my colleagues, you know Nicole Wall, George Spaphor, and Jeff are on Twitter. A lot of the newer analysts I've noticed are on. And we talk, and we engage. And we try to be open. Now if someone has a question. Someone wants to start a dialogue always like to be open and engaged in that context. So I just think that, you know, we can all benefit from that. If we can go to where our customers are, or go to where the IT's and community is. And engage in discussion. I think we'll be richer in our knowledge, you know, from that experience. There's no harm to happen in that space again. We're all here to contribute, to be a part of something, and to be able to help each other out. It just so happens that the social media sites or where that is. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to be able to do that. I want to be someone who contributes as well as someone who can take some things away, which I do quite often. You know, one of the things though. I always struggle with this, you know the world's full of opinions, right? So you have all these inputs and we all work with data. So we know what it looks like. And you can sometimes look at it in certain ways. So, how do you signal out that the opinion noise that comes in with a lot of the perspective. Sometimes you see, or hearing, or having to overcome that with, you know, quantifiable metrics. Because you know metrics can be two different pictures just depending on who's telling the story and what predisposed biases you have in the audience, right? So, Gartner has got a dedication to what we call fact based research. And within our notes, when relevant, we've got notes sections and evidence sections. So people who've seen Gartner research will see that when possible, and when relevant we'll reference where the data comes from. You're right. I mean I can take two point on a line, two points and draw a line and say here's my trend. But we try to not do that. We try to take the collective of information and put it together. So, you know, upcoming notes, especially ones that I'll do, people who have read things from me are used to seeing charts and graphs and notes that I'll be putting out are going to have a dedication to having that information. And I'll put a chart and it's going to show what the definition. And I'm going to put my analysis of it. But anybody reading that is also free to look at that chart, and make it say whatever they wanted to say. It's very hard to convince somebody that the sky is green if it looks blue to them. So people at some point have to also take responsibility. It sort of goes back to the magic quadrant. One of the things we deal with is. You guys are telling the magic quadrant, "How do I pick a vendor?" I think that question is the problem. Right. I love it. And yet the signal to noise ratio can be a little difficult to deal with, but I find myself, more times than not, going back to the customer. You know, if you can look at the customer, someone who really doesn't have an ulterior motive, right, their objectives are to meet demands of the business. And how they go about it. You know, they need guidance. They need guidance specific to their industry. They need guidance around what their, you know, specific or vertical challenges are. And what we want to do as analysts provide that. From dealing with a wide range of clients who fit that profile. I think I use that, you know, I get to sit in a privileged position whereby I'm talking to six or seven hundred clients a year. You know, all shapes, all sizes, all verticals. And then talking to them getting an understanding of, again their challenges, their objectives, what they're looking at, what they're hearing from vendors, what they're getting as far as price is concerned. That drives my research it makes me knowledgeable of that space. So when someone else comes to ask. You know, I can mention them. I can say I just talked to a hospital, right. I just talked to a government organization. So let me give you some insight in what their challenges are. And they respond really well of that. Because at the end of the day they just want to know that someone else has a challenge. Someone else is challenge, or someone else has accomplished what they're looking to. They just want some guidance on how that's done. So, you know, I tend to sort of, you know, not follow that guidance, you know, blindly. I tend not to go by sort of what I'm seeing other analysts respond to. I always go back to our client base. And really get a sense what they're doing. And that's true as far as I'm concerned. So, that really helps me be tuned with the noise out with so much, with so much out there. There's a fine line between an analyst and a consultative roll. And I think you just kind of described it to me. If someone says to you, lend me another five flavors of ice cream that I can have. Or you could say to them before I take you in the store, let's talk about the different things you will see and enjoy. I mean, it scares me, when people say, "I don't have a quadrant, how am I going to pick software?" You know, without DNA, I mean how would you get kids? You know, come on. At some point it's natural. One of the challenges we face, Chris, is that, people need to understand that we're analyzing and presenting information. Gartner is vendor neutral. If someone calls me up and says "Here is 3, which one do I pick?" I'm not going to tell them which one to pick. I'm going to ask questions to them. "What do you need?" "What's the plot for?" "How big?" This one is good because of this. This one is good because of this. This one is good because of this. Take a demo, look at it, get a sandbox. You have to evaluate yourself and that again ties back to, you can't look at one piece of data and say "Ah ha!" Right. So, I'm going to take this one piece of data and I'm going to become a world class support organization. And we get that. That inquiry comes in. How do I become world class support? Well, in a half hour inquiry, we can't really help you with that. We can get you going, and we can point you to research. But there is a library of knowledge and resources that you need to look at, to build that. You've got to take some responsibility in there. We're going to help guide you. We can help a firm on whether or not you're going in the right direction. What you've been told. Because a lot of times people come to us with questions of, this was something I was told. Is that true or not, we can usually say. "You know, it can be true. Here's the situation." And for any organization I'd say that's reevaluating their ITSM ambitions. One piece of advice I'd say to do is, you know, start with your processes. You know, your tools are going to change. You know, we talk to organizations and they are recycling tools every four to five years. They are moving on to a new vendor and for whatever reason no one makes the connection that, you know, it's not the technology that wasn't able to achieve excellence. It was the process and it was the people. And the technology is there to automate your processes and make life easier for your people. If you don't have the right people in place to take advantage of that, you don't have the right, processes in place to automate? You're going to automate bad processes that people are going to struggle with. So, you're not going to be able to do it and technology isn't the answer. You know, Jeff and I will get on the phone with many clients, and they believe that if they purchase a new tool because the one they have is limited, the one they have is unstable, the one they have doesn't have a nice user interface, then they're going to get left behind. They won't be able to complete this idol initiative. And that's just simply not the case. We want organizations to start with process. And that would be the advice we'd have organizations walk away with. We don't talk about vendors until we have a process discussion. You know, someone wants to get on the phone and say, "What vendor is going to help me achieve, you know, heights of excellence?" We don't have an answer for you. You know, we can talk to you about process. So that's the advice we'd have organizations walk away with. I think the other points to make here is that, you know, Jeff and I, you know, as part of a research community of 750 or 775 research analysts, really benefit from being able to collaborate with one another. Our research meetings are spirited. We often collaborate, you know, you'll see in research papers. But that's the result of a lot of internal discussion. So, we'll have a Monday meeting, a Tuesday meeting, and then you have the opportunity to participate in other meetings outside of your particular space, and you know, that's really the value of Gartner. Because you can go into other areas, but essentially we're all T-shaped analysts. whereby you want to be broad across one area, and deep in one area in particular. So we're broad across the IT operations management space, but we're deep in IT service desk. And we spend, you know, a large part of our day head down in IT service desk. And so that allows us to be the experts in that particular area. We don't have to be light in any other particular space. We can focus on the challenges specific to service desk. And be comfortable that we're very knowledgeable and can provide specific and poignant guidance. And if we need to stop and recommend the conversation with another analyst that's deeper in CNDB, deeper in application life cycle management, deeper in release management, project management, we have the capability to do that. We can leverage 3 or 4 colleagues who can step right in and pick that conversation up where it left off. And there's no drop off in quality. So that's really the value that we want to be able to provide. We want to be able to provide value in terms of getting that call, or that inquiry completed quickly. Because this has been a big push from us, and I think that's why you see a lot of analysts, again, around the globe, you know, being able to respond to that type of demand, because our clients need us and we want to be here to meet that. I wish you would do more on Twitter, Jeff, because what you do put on Twitter is frighteningly exciting. And you look at someone like George, you know, who I respect immensely is absolutely, I'm pretty sure he's probably a Mensa member and you know, and he's tweeting all day long, you know, little tidbits of information. But I know, like you said, it's a fine line. I just think you are so approachable, and Jarod is so approachable, it really could change things for folks, but that's just my opinion. If I can get more than 47 followers, then I'll see about tweeting more. I don't have a big followings. One of the things to add to Jarod's points about the, you know, people aren't clients. The thing that people have a hard time wrapping their head around and even as a new analyst, when I first came on board. Understanding that what Jarod and I say is the IP of Gartner. We can't just give it away and we've got a manager who has to remind us of that. You know, we say "Hey, you know I'd like to go give a presentation at a local meeting. What do you think about that?" Well, what are you going to say? And the Podcast is a good example. And it's not that we don't want to be involved, but we've got a business manager who looks at it and says, "What happens for Gartner?" Because, you know, you can't go to Microsoft and say, "Hey, Microsoft. Give me a copy off this 2010." They're going to say well, you got to buy it, or what's in it for me? And because what we have is information, I think, you know Since it's not tangible like a shrink-wrapped product, people have a harder time wrapping their heads around it. But that's the reality, is, clients, you know, are paying for that intellectual property. The data that we collect is our data, and we compile it, and we present it. So, it's difficult for people to understand that and even for me. I sort of got my head around that now. But it does become difficult if you're not a client. I understand it completely, and I've talked to both of you extensively offline about this. And I think if you look at the different analyst firms out there, they're all handling it radically different right now. Around what's IP, protected IP, paid IP, paid walls. It's all very, very different, and I appreciate both sides of it. I guess if I can share with you my point of view, because you both have had time I guess one-on-one with me, is I find that when I'm, do, give away the farm, I'm forced to plow new land. And it's that forcing to plow new land that keeps me, keeps my knowledge and the knowledge I have for people who are paying for my knowledge, interested in eating my vegetables. Now I could, you know, live on the farm and not give it away and sell the corn, but because I'm constantly giving it away, and I see everybody is stealing it, right? There's more stuff online about social IT now then you can shake a stick at. Well, that was cute 18 months ago. I'm over it. The bigger difference is who owns the farm. In our case it's not Jarod and I. You get to own your farm so it's a little bit easier but Right. I definitely see your point. Right. And we, you know, appreciate that. That's just how I feel. I understand the position that Gartner's in and I respect it immensely. Gartner's taken time to address many of my concerns. I put a link in the show notes. When I first started three years ago, I had a question about how the magic quadrant was even created, and they wrote an entire blog post around it. And, you know, again I'll put a link of that in the show notes. I mean, they're very responsive in the fact that you guys are on Twitter and sharing information. You look at George Baford and some of the others. You've done a remarkable job. I guess kind of to wrap up the show, beause we did have five points we want to get across to the folks. People who are looking possibly at their IT service management ambitions, and your views on a revamped quadrant around a broader picture, were very enlightening. I think it's a pretty scary time that there's so much going on, technology. And people are always saying, "Technology is changing so fast." And I need to remind people, that you know we are in the future. This is Star Trek-type stuff that's happening, and our users are coming in more empowered and scarier than ever before. What types of things, I mean, I don't want to get into you guys giving away the farm? But can you give our listeners at least, you know, some things to think about. Sure. Yeah, I usually start these conversations with something simple. This isn't giving away the farm at all. I think this is well understood, but, you know, we'll get into a conversation with the client about: What tool should I buy? What tool should I buy? What tool should I buy? And, we have to stop and ask them a question about process. We have to stop and ask them a question about maturity. You have to stop and ask them a question about their objectives. What do they expect to do with this new tool that they can't do with their old tool? And as you start to peel that onion back a little bit, you find that there's some process issues that they need to address. There's some organizational issues they need to address. And we try to get the conversation refocused in those areas. Because, you know, we talk about turnaround for server desk tools and churn rate. Tools are being replaced every three to four years and so, you don't see that in other areas. You don't see that in CRM for instance, you don't see that we are paid. So, when we look at service desk. It's why is there such a high rated change here? And, you know it's bad process. And so, if you were going to undertake an ITSM ambition right now. You really need to take a hard look at process. Make sure you understand what's your business objectives are and then how you're going to align your ITSM strategy to those business objectives so that you can demonstrate value. It 's really, you say, a scary time right now. But we look at it as a buyer's market, and we talk about this level of commodization. You get your processes in order and it makes your tool selection process, you know, that much easier. So, that's really where my advice typically starts in these conversations. And if folks that want to talk process, we can spend the 25 minutes talking tools. But, you know, I'd much rather, you know, have them start with that type of conversation and make the tool more meaningful. I like it. So, tighten up the ship. So I have a question about your structure, then. You guys are both in what's called IT operations, right? That's correct. So, if that is the key there, then it's the process and you guys are also then supporting IT service management. What we're hearing in the industry is this needs to start way upstream. You know, where is your counterpart in the application life cycle and other parts of the business structure and business organization side of you know, Gartner's analysts. Do you have a direct line into those folks? Right. We do. And I think that's the beauty of Gartner. And it really comes down to there being 775 analysts we have. Wow. So there's different analysts in different places. I really enjoy being the person that can point people to those different analysts. So, if you come and say that we really have a question on right-sizing itill, I can point you to George. If there's a question you have on an application life cycle management, I can point you the five or six analysts we have that are covering that topic all over the globe, you know, specific to your region your challenges. Sweet So, that's what we like to do. We want to get to the point where we can all be sort of specific. We talk about the concept of a T-shaped analyst, social broad across the top, and then deep in one area. Jeff and I are deep in service desk. But we're broad across the INO space, so if we need to direct you to the people who are deep in those, we'll certainly do that. And that's really the value of the Gartner subscription is that you don't just get just Jeff and I, you get to access to 775 people. But we love just Jeff and you. You know, I want to add on to what you're always saying on the question about the ambitions over the next twelve months. I'll give you guys a bit of the form. You know DevOps is one of the things that people are going to be looking at. You know, if you're not familiar with what it is, Chris would put a link in, Google it, go take a look at what DevOps is about. I personally think that what Malcolm Fry's been doing for the last, I guess 18 months now or about a year: going around and telling everybody, "Listen. Idle is heavy duty. Don't go try and do the whole thing right away." I think that's one of the best things to happen for ITSM in awhile. We get inquiries from people who call us up and say, "Hey I wanted to implement the auto framework. And I want to get it done by the end of September. What do you think?" Well, you think you're crazy. You are not going to be able to do it. You've got to start small; decide where you're going to go. So, a lot of people are looking for direction as far as, where do I start? Start with incident management. If you can get that working, focus on problem. I think problem management, as far as people's ambitions over the next 12-18 months, is going to be one of the key things. We're going to see lots of research and lots of chatter come out about proactive support: being able to stop issues before they arise. And that's only going to come from real problem management. Which is something we all say we do, but very few organizations really successfully implement a problem management process and strategy. So I think that is one of the big things that we'll see. Interestingly enough, Jarod, I just saw an email this morning from HDI saying they've launched a new class just on that concept of problems. And I swear I didn't actually see that email. Do not confuse coincidence with blind, stupid luck when I'm speaking. Baron, I know you've to get off the phone. We've our time here. Did you want to ask the kids anything before we wrap up? So, what's really cool is, you know, you said you've got 775 analysts, I mean and obviously you guys have a large breadth of knowledge. So, like you said, you know the T. I love that. It's a great metaphor. I love the image. What tools does Gartner give you guys to collaborate internally? I've got to tread light. That may be proprietary. Well, no. So in terms of the tools we get. I mean we have methods in which we interact with each other. I put a tweet out a couple months back where I talked about, you know, what our appropriate policy is as far as emails and threads are concerned and how that is generated into research. I had an issue with it, but, you know, you I got over it. Right, I know where my bread is buttered. But in terms of collaboration, I'd still say a lot of what we do is email based. And You know, that's a form or we can have a lot of discussions. When we move that into research there's a different sort of collaboration platform that we use. I've been using that one for a while. The way in which our research is put through that life cycle, there's checks and balances within that research. So, Jeff and I can't just go write a research note and publish it tomorrow. We do need to go through some level of peer review, just to make sure it's in line with what our stances our on certain issues. So, the tools isn't so much the issue for us. I sometimes feel as if we're slowed by the process, but we work through that as best as we can. I don't know if that answers you Baron, but I've just got to be sort of careful with it. We've got Matt. We've got research communities. Yeah. So each week there's meetings. And the research communities are focused. So these meetings are an hour, hour and a half. And we get on, and we'll have topics that we discuss and it's a very collaborative effort to talk about the research that's ongoing. And they're broken down, and there's different types of communities and research meetings. So, we don't have a whole lot of meetings that are just traditional meetings like, you know you'd shake your head, "Why do I have to go to this one?" Most of our meetings that we have are about research, and there are other analysts and talking about what's going on and what do we think and what are we seeing and what should we be writing about? The other thing about the email is, there's a lot done via email, but one of the nice things that I've seen is that nobody just emails back "Yes" and hits "Reply all". When somebody replies to a thread that's a conversation where we're talking about a vendor rating and what do we think we should be doing. People add value to the e-mails, which is a big thing. It's always been one of my pet peeves in an organization when someone hits "Reply all" and says, "Good job." Especially when a press release comes out. We don't have that phenomenon. People email and include content and value. So you actually hire people with all 42 chromosomes. Yes. Alright. So, Jeff I wanted to point out real quick, even though I don't how many chromosomes people have. I probably am missing a couple. Jeff you pointed out. How many followers do you have on Twitter? Like 47, not many. You said you would Tweet more if you had more followers. Yes. So, let me just give you a piece of Chris Dancy research advice. I knew this was going to come. I could feel it coming Jeff when you said it. You might only have 47 followers, but I can guarantee you have the right 47. So, do it more. Because they're listening. And, you know, don't concentrate on how many people have found you, concentrate on who. And I'm a raging fan. I'm a bigger fan, I have to be honest, I'm a bigger fan of Jarod. I don't know why, I just am. I think he's. I've often said, we're kind of like. I think there's some master plan. Jarod, do you remember I was talking about Trading Places? Yeah, Billy Ray. So, there's some master play on where Jarod is Eddie Murphy and I'm Dan Akroyd from Trading Places and the industry is pitting us against each other. But that's a whole other Podcast. Guys, thanks so much for being on the show. I'd like to thank Hornbill Software for providing the opportunity to have you guys on, we couldn't have done it without them obviously. And to each of you a major salute. It's hard when you are the leader and everyone's looking and you hanging on your every word. It's difficult to come onto something as irreverent as this show. And I do appreciate your time today. Thanks guys for being on. Thanks for having us, we really appreciate it. Thank you Chris, take care. Okay, talk to you guys soon. Thanks. Let's get to news-getter, partitioner, news service desk HDI, ITS. They're doing an SSOI! Still love it. I wish I could just play that. I want that to be my ringtone, I'm totally doing that. So Fusion is this week. So if this is released this next week, Fusion is this week? But it's coming up in the future. That whole time portal thing really sucks. So, hopefully you'll all be there. Come and seek me out. I'm the tall, lanky, goofy-looking guy that's kind of gingery and has a faux-hawk that probably went out of style last year. So And glasses that match his shoes. Stop me, ask me questions, give me a hug. No hug. And a Flavor Saver. Flavor Saver. Yes. Don't you have a little fur thing on your lip. Yeah, I've got a line down from my lip to my chin. I thought those were called Flavor Savers. Yeah, it's for when, you know, you're eating a steak. And some of it is there still, and you can just have a little dessert later. Interesting. Oh my god. I'm sorry. To everyone who listens to this podcast, I apologize. Seriously, I do think it would be a good time. And I was listening to Kinect Learning the podcast today and, you know, there's, of course, shilling some of the stuff that they're doing. I really hope that the expo hall is a little bit better than last time, but you know, we'll see how well it goes. I am curious to see if we are going to get the worst of both worlds or the best of both worlds or somewhere in between. I am very curious. Perfect example of IT and business not working together. So this story came out on The Consumerist, I believe, about Target. Their website went down when they switched off Amazon Services. So the perfect example of going from a cloud provider to in-house, and the effects that it can have. And I'm really curious, I wish I was I had a good relationship with Target, and knew a lot of people that I would definitely invite a bunch of them out to lunch because I want to hear the whole story behind it. I'll put a link in the show notes. I think that whole Target thing is a marketing scam. Yeah, it might be too. Well it all has this whole Italian designer situation going on. Misimu or whatever, I don't know. I don't know. Tar-jay. Tar-jay. Ah, great explanation of CSI and when to put it in from Rob, the IT skeptic. And if there is anyone who knows about when to put it in, it's Rob. I didn't say that. It's really good video, I mean if you're a practitioner trying to do your own ITSM project, this is definitely something you want to look at before you get started because it'll really help you with the planning process. I think he hit it nail on the head. Everyone thinks about CSI as the last step and it totally makes sense to put it forward. Gripe of the week: Retweets are out of control. Basically, if someone that I'm following is basically just doing a retweets and that's all they're doing, I am going to unfollow them. And new followers if you've got retweets as the first ten things on your list, I am not going to follow you. So retweets dated or both? Actually, if they put a comment in that is useful other than just "wow, nice, amazing, exciting". If they put on a comment that's valuable, definitely. Yeah. Or, if it something non-IT industry-related and they like spin it to be IT Yeah. Or customer service-related, I love that. That's fantastic. Yeah, it's been on my nerves for sometime. These people who just plus one. I have a news for everyone out there in social media world: if I retweet you, that's like putting a plus one. And then the other thing that's been ticking me off recently, is people apparently and G2G3 tweeted did this this morning, "People apparently don't realize that this is public. Someone dropped the f-bomb on Twitter yesterday, and I'm trying to pull up a professional reference for their account." Like he literally had a good reference, so I am sending a customer to his Twitter page. I see the f-bomb. No. No more reference to you and you basically are losing business because I can't distribute that to people that I am a professional with. Is that me? No, it wasn't you. I am not going to call it out. Yesterday, was the first I use the term FU, in a Tweet. But it was basically, I tweeted out, I'd like to add you to my professional network is the new FU. Yeah I'd like to add you to my professional network. But you know how I feel about Linked in. And another did you guys see my Tweet about Captures. Yes, I like Captures. So, I realize the other day. I was sitting in front of a screen and it said, "Testing to see if you are human, answer this you know, Capture." And I thought there's got to be better ways to see if someone is human. I mean, Torring has a complete processor on this right. Then I tell if you retweet content with yourself mentioned in it. That's the test on if you're human. I like the logic test, too. Like, instead of just typing a word, say something like, "Which of these is closest to yellow?" Orange, red, blue. That will be too hard for a heterosexual man. Now, David Racliffe uses that. Shut up. David Racliffe always has that, cause he's always like a horse has how many legs? You know, and then you type it in. Yeah. Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. I know. But you don't want to ask color questions. That makes more sense. That would make people like Hooper hoop or too straight. So, Hoop. That's what I want to do now. You just gave me the perfect idea for what I want to do. Instead of doing a Capture, I am going to tell people in order to prove you are really human, I want you to Tweet this. I want to make them virally market my company at the same time I prove they are human. I like that. I like that. Sale, Headline Market News. The business reports. Hooper's gonna take it away. Well, I think headline news is very important today, because there is an independent research that is coming out, about how the financial services are going to have to change the way things are done in retail banking and in their investment operations. There is a banking commission that wants to split the way that those two things are managed for banks. And this is huge and anybody how works in this space needs to pay attention, because if this goes through that means that all of your customer data, transactional data, all your reference points need to be completely, completely overhauled, and that's gonna be a total reform for IT, great for IT consultants but a nightmare for any CIO in the banking business. So, I put the show notes in. This is something starting in the UK and I can't imagine that the rest of the world will not follow suit here if these guys go forward with this very interesting read. Other big news is, you know, productivity in the workforce; something that I have been doing a lot of research about recently and it's amazing to me how we have got into the point where we don't even know how to manage our own offices. And how cleaning up our office could produce productivity is a headline in CIO.com. First of all I have to say, I think this is totally ridiculous article. But it made me laugh just to think and look at these people who are reporting on all the different aspects of how your cluttered life is causing you to be non-productive. And whether it's because it's just too much paper, or not paper, or all that kind of stuff, the reality is that if you do not have good organizational skills, that clutter doesn't matter. It's like Hoarder's CIO version or something? OK. You should see the picture. Again I'll put this link in the show notes. But its just funny. It totally looks like a hoarder's office. You know, stuff's all over the place. There's at least six coffee mugs in this picture. You know, you can tell they totally fabricated the picture just for the story headline. No! Or information or anything. CIO.com fabricating a photo? How about info week? Click here if you'd like to skip this advertisement. Really? I want to see the people who don't skip the advertisement. I don't know. I am kind of on the fence with you, Hooper, on this one because I have been two ways in my life. Well let's not go there. I've been a very messy desk person. And then I have been a very, very clean desk person. And I have to say, I, actually, I can't function if I have got too much junk around me. I think that's true of anybody, though. I mean, I don't think anybody would disagree with that. I am certainly one who manages organized chaos. Well, I don't know. I see. Don't you see these people in the cubes and they have got that sign that says, "A messy desk is a sign of genius." Have you ever seen these people? I have said it: that's me. I mean it is. People always say to me,"Boy, you know, your office must be immaculate." Because there's many things in my life that are very structured and very organized, but my desk is not usually it. Yeah. The pictures in this article are terrible. All of them have CRT's or Dells from 1990. These are obviously super outdated. Yeah, its like totally ridiculous. Hooper, Hooper can we get a picture of your desk? I'll put a picture of my desk in the show notes. No, because if you go to servicehere.com/homeoffices, I've got Robin, myself and Baron have donated photos of our home offices for listeners. So, give me a picture, we can add to the list. I could do that. But I am going to tell you that I'm in the process of redoing my office at home, in my basement, and it's going to be immaculate. Do before and afters then. I'll do before and afters. I'll I'll keep the listeners posted. Do you have a man cave? I have a man cave too. Okay. We need pictures of your man cave. Yep. I would post pictures of my man cave, but All right. We may have to take this off iTunes if you if you did. My gripe of the week: tasks and calender events. Can someone please explain to me what the difference is? Why do we have a difference in these aspects? It just makes no sense to me. Okay! So, have you read "Getting Things Done"? No, I haven't had time. Yeah, obviously. If you thought of ever getting things it done, its kind of moot point, isn't it? So no. I don't know. I'm one of those people, I've talked about this before, I practice "bareback inbox," so I never have anything in my inbox. Or some people call it "zero inbox." But basically email that comes in, it gets replied to, gets deleted, whatever. But I use tasks as the things that I could work on if I didn't have anything in my inbox or on my calendar. So literally, as appointments, like I've got 2 hours today between this podcast and an I Kiss MF meeting. So I've got tasks, by priority, that I could fill those two hours with, and as I do those tasks, I move them up to the calendar and fill those empty spots. But do they have deadlines? A task with a deadline is a calendar appointment. I think that's kind of your point, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So to me a task is something that needs to get done. Just like, I need to get healthy, right? My BMI is 95, ask Chris Maget. So that's a task. If I actually was getting healthy, it would be an appointment. I see the same thing, but I wish that someone would fix it. Like Google, they've got tasks and they've got calendar. I want the two to be integrated. And like, you know, how many people have gone through that? I need a tool that's going to record exactly how much time I spent doing something. There's no good way to do it. Well, what's interesting is on all these mobile devices, there's all these "Don't forget the milk" and all these task apps. Yeah. So obviously, people in their minds, somehow differentiate the two. I know, for me, I'm not ashamed to say I still use Outlook, and the only way I can use Outlook is if I'm in my calendar view, and in calender under, you can see the tasks associated with each day. Yeah. So, it's almost like this is what you have to do: this is what you could do. Right. I'll put a screenshot of my calendar with my tasks. And hopefully there's nothing weird, because I won't take time to read it. I'm doing it now. What do you use for screen capture? What are you? What? See now, that embarrasses me. Okay, thank you because I've used all these old technology. I use Snagit. Snagit. I think Snagit's great. TechSmith is a great company. Yeah, that's not old, is it? I guess Jing is the new Snagit but that's not old. If it works, who cares if it's old. Well, because, all you kids love all the cool stuff like Screensteps, and all this other nasty wit. News get a purrrrr. Purrrr. Purr for me. News. Oh. Don't scare her. It's been just a little too long since I've been recording. Social media tools, the vendors and news: a new entry into the Helpdesk 2.0 market, Freshdesk. Pretty cool. Their marketing is all around an orange, which I totally think is like so radical. But they're along the same lines. You take your Zendesk, your Sicily, your nanoRep, your Get Satisfaction, and now FreshDesk, UserVoice. They're all all these 2.0 helpdesk firms coming out. And the other day, I was being interviewed by someone, and actually, it's going to become a Forrester blog. I've been asked to blog for Forrester. Well probably up until they listen to this podcast. And I'm doing the whole thing on this Help Desk 2.0, because what's really interesting is all the CIO's from these companies I speak to, they don't have the same like divisions, like, this is an incident, this is a request. They just have one thing like helping people. It's almost like, if Kirk Weasler and George from Pink had a lovechild, right? It would be all warm and fuzzy, it would to want to help people, and would actually be productive. Because you can't have too much of one or the other, or you just sit around in a pow wow. So, yeah I'm really looking forward to it. On that same note, Zendesk just donated--did you guys see this, $1 million to a children's hospital in San Francisco. That's fantastic. I mean, I don't know you how you can out Scobal Scobal, but ZenDesk PR, and they just announced like, yesterday, phone integration. So over the top, over the top, over the top. Yeah. If you haven't seen the phone integration yet, check it out. It's amazing. Again, you know, this whole help desk 2.0 thing that I'm going to write for our friends over at the Big F, amazing. And then finally I just want to finish up with: check out Brazen: B-R-A-Z-E-N. It's a Facebook app. I don't want to go into their business model, but pretty cool. It's a Facebook app that logs into LinkedIn and creates an infographic of your resume. So I will put a link to my resumed infographic up in the show notes. Very, very hot. Did you hear the news about Whirl? You remember Whirl. It was more like a LinkedIn: geotagging, location-based but more topical. We talked about them before. So I had met the CEO before, Jeff Holden. Super nice guy. Pelago Systems. I was supposed to head to Chicago to do some Idle training. I had to do a little consulting. I had to raise some cash. My kids are getting hungry. I've seen pictures. They're starving. I sent him a note on LinkedIn and I realized he had moved over to Groupon. And I said, "Oh, very interesting move for him." So I went to Whirl.com to see what was going on and who took over as CEO. Whirl was bought by Groupon. Geotagging, location-based services now bought and owned by Groupon. Can someone say hyper-local advertising? Yeah. Hyper-local, you know, they've been talking about it. It's hardly going to happen. When iOS 5 launches in two weeks, and you were just talking about tasks, right Hooper? Yep. iOS 5 actually launches location-based tasks. So now tasks just aren't things you need to do with a date and time. They're things that will remind you when you get to places. That's cool. And that's an iOS 5 baked in. So people aren't looking at hyper local. Again, you come to one of my classes, oh, that's right, you get! And then my gripe of the week: Creepy Twitter. You know, I don't know. There's some crazy stuff going on Twitter. I think I've somehow broke some type of threshold, where I have lots of random people I don't know asking me questions and things and I try not to do things. But I've written a blog which I'm going to release directly after the show today called "You're Mother Ruined You: Twitter and Self Promotions". Basically, the concept is it's okay to toot your own horn, but, gosh darn it, know the notes to play. Because this idea of retweeting anything with your name in it, and we've talked about this before. Retweeting something in a non-native format just so has RT is basically theft. Retweeting something and adding "I really agree with you" basically defeats the purpose of a retweet. Retweeting is "I really agree with you" without you saying it. Adding a plus one, all of these little joker type things that you're doing. Kids, your mother ruined you. If you're that starved for attention you don't need Twitter. You need help with self-esteem. All right. Moving on. You know, listeners, if you're not feeling bad about yourself right now then please rewind and listen again, and you'll feel it. Yeah. I don't know who does it. I do that all the time. I always RT things without adding anything else, because honestly it's like I'm sometimes looking for something that I think most people aren't looking for, but I just find it, you know, extremely interesting. So I just want to, you know, put some kind of message out. Well, I think the way to do that, if you want, you should say to me, "Chris, that's cute. Do you feel this way? Do you have a solution for me?" The way to do that is you use the original Tweet as the link, because if you click on the time of any Tweet, you get a link to it. And then type what you think is the important salient point that you want to make about that tweet, and then use the link in that new tweet to the original tweet. Don't use the RT and put a bunch of comment junk there. I've already seen the tweet, it's Twitter, we're all following the same people. It's like West Virginia, I'm not going go there. But come on, don't waste my time. Agreed. You know, "Why don't I have more followers?" Because you don't have anything original to say. Sometimes, well, I think Vanessa Alvarez and Rodrigo Forez, I'm just like, "Get a Twitter room. For God's sakes! Get a Twitter. Room." Sorry, Hooper, I mean I love you. That's the reason I still follow, but come on, come on. I disagree. I agree with both. There's a fine line and you really have to judge it for yourself. That's OK. It's why I manage two Twitter accounts. Sometimes I see things on the start-up world, marketing, you know, innovation stuff that probably most of my vigilant guy followers wouldn't follow and I try to retweet it to the, you know, that following, ITSMWP type stuff. I don't know. Yeah, I think start up stuff is important important to ITSMWP listeners. Because, again, if you don't understand the concepts of agile business in 2011, and you're in service management, guess what? You're like the the new fax machine salesperson. Yeah, but a lot of people don't, but they're still that way. Like, minimal viable product to me. It's something that we had maybe talked about in project management in some form like, you know, go with the vanilla, you know,get early wins. We talk about that crap all the time, but until you actually have to make the decision to keep saying no, no, no, you're pushing a product you that you actually hate. It's a whole new game for me. So minimal viable product to me was a word, it was a concept and now it's my life, and I think it's like if I could have gone back to my years in building enterprise products and bringing more service management into the organization. If I had understood fundamentally what I understand now, I would have done such a better job. I would have had so much more success. You gotta share those things and, for me to go find that original article and to highlight the salient points, ah, this guy did a good enough job. I'm just gonna throw it out. You know what Hooper I just realized I feel bad. This is the I-need-a-hug Hooper that I'm talking to, isn't it? No, I'm just saying, again, I think I'm going back to what I've said the last year and a half. Not everybody is at the level that Chris Dancy is at. No, but I think, I think we all can agree, at least the people that listen to this show, and the people who are on the Twitters, they have moved along. They have moved along. We're all slowly becoming like you. Just don't run so fast. I'm not Forrest Gump. All right so the last thing I'm brazen and then we've gotta wrap the show up, last thing I'm brazen is that they also game-ify it so basically by looking at your LinkedIn statistics, if you live in a state like, for instance I have a badge for healthy living, what a joke, right? But it's because I live in Colorado. If you've got like certain time spans. You've worked at certain types of companies, you get like, mover and shaker badge. So, really, check out Brazen through Facebook, you will love it. It's like Rodney Dangerfield used to say, "If you wanna look skinny, hang around fat people." You know that's why you people seem smart listening to this podcast. All right so that's the news, hopefully we'll see everybody next week. Thanks guys. See you later. Bye. This was ITSM Weekly. Thank you for listening. For more information about this podcast, and ITSM news, go to ITSMWeekly. com. Hornbill is very pleased to be sponsoring our favorite show, ITSM Weekly: The Podcast, Hornbill Support enables ITSM with the human touch, helping service desks to deliver a better customer service experience. If you don't know about Horneville, look out for the ITSM extreme makeover. Where, alongside our partners, we'll be demonstrating the value of effective IT service management to the entire community. Proving your worth: that's the future of the service desk. Visit us at Hornbill.com

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13. Frank a bitch part 2

Frank a bitch part 2

Bee Movie Script According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

nothing at of , which is


14. Infinite monkey theorem - ITSM Weekly Episode 90

Infinite monkey theorem - ITSM Weekly Episode 90

Show Notes with Links Here: http://www.servicesphere.com/blog/2012/6/5/infinite-monkey-theorem-or-why-dating-woman-has-itil-written.html Infinite monkey theorem or why dating woman has ITIL written all over it. What happens when a CIO, a Service Desk Manager and an Industry Junkie Chat Weekly?! Your Hosts: Chris Dancy, Matthew Hooper and Matt Beran (twitter #ITSMWP) Submit Questions: Anonymously or Email or Call In: (765) 236-6383 or Twitter Questions/Comments #ITSMWP Episode 90 Topics: **News Gator: Updates from Tech** ITSM Weekly Podcast Stats Published Marcus Nelson, Salesforce / UserVoice ITSM Social Media Mavens, who are not very savvy….hmmm who could it be? Robert Stroud and CA Screenshot, how to look silly on social media Nimsoft , Managing the Business of IT by Robert Stroud ServiceNow Knowledge12 conference Wrap Up ITSM Weekly Antipodean review of Knowledge12 ITSM Top of the World Podcast Hank Marquis Chris Dancy and His Dead Mother, The Creepy ITSM Connection Pink Forum HDI Connect Back2ITSM Practitioner Radio, Number 2 & 3 Podcast Popularity How many ITSM internet groups do we need? After Facebook, Doc Searls Verge Guy, gives up Facebook New ITIL Software Assessment Criteria Released (Software Scheme) Summons DAVID RATCLIFFE GET SMAK – Startup Life, Somewhere between Suicide and Instagram “Technical accomplishments but customer failures.” “How can you tell if you are impacted? – You wake up with a backache.” Migrations of Birds and Norwegians Infinite Monkey Theorem HP lays off 27K people Innovation – Displacement vs Disruption What will happen with Children because of the ADHD culture Axios Assyst 10, now Social ? Klout, Let’s go to Church, You people have LOST your minds. Google turning off computers, if infected with DNS Changer DNS Checker Site, One Page, One Click Done. Facebook makes a phone and demands your password Teachers and Students on Facebook and friends. Age of the Password, the Google Information Security Presetnation Foster parents vs Adoption Data centers of the Future are biotech in nature Dyson Airblade is the prototype for transfer of data in the future Google Goggles video released, how does this CHANGE software, events and interactions. Meet the urban Datasexual Pill to make you forget Klout Score effected the day you arrive at a conference DOWNLOAD! SUBSCRIBE ITUNES SUBSCRIBE / LISTEN TO ALL SHOWS ON SOUNDCLOUD TRANSCRIPTION ITSM weekly. The podcast bringing you news, insight, analysis, and information from the world of IT service. Management. Your hosts Matthew Hooper, Chris Dancy and Matt Beran. IT Service Management Weekly, the podcast starts now. Welcome to a Hi TSI weekly, the pod cast episode ninty. Nine zero old women don't make it this long. For the week ending June eighth two thousand Well we have no guests this week because we have guesting. We have been doing a lot guests we just thought we would catch up with the three of us because people seem to like that sort of thing or they don't. I don't know. Guys? Yeah. I don't know if they like it. Do they like it? I hope they did. Well, I mean if you look at the stats, I mean did you notice we published the pod casting stats recently? Oh yeah. Yeah, I was pouring through the analysis. And? I didn't look at it. Dude, Dude, Hooper, you're big in Albania. That 's awesome. They also have trouble with the word horrriiibbble. I think our stats were like slowly declining, and then they just went up a little. Yeah, so, dude, I totally picked up when you dig on me while you were at - how do you say it, s t i t s? Why did I dig on you, what did I say? You were saying hoorrribbblle. Somebody's got to replace you when you're not here. Alright so working on getting Marcus Nelson from Salesforce on. He reached out to us after we recorded our last show. He's a founder of UserVoice, but now and a Salesforce and it looks like he wants to. We're just trying to get schedules coordinated. Oh, very cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be good. There's no NewsGator 'cause it's all news. So, Ralph, can we get some Gators? Can we get anything? You know, I guess I could always use the soundboard if we're live and play that kind of stuff. But then nobody would hear it, would they? But you'd have to crank up your I'm not going to do that. The only time I'm cranking with speakers, okay. So, News Gator. Release the News Gator poodle. We should release the poodles and then the gators. Can we have some news gators eat poodles? There you go. Delicious. Thank you, Ross. See what's weird is that most people think that Ross Magic happens real time and its all post, like much of service management is all post production. That's right. So we got lots of news, we got lots of news lot of conversations. Are either one of you ready this week? Oh yeah, I actually prepared. Isn't that weird? Okay, why don't you go; what kind of news you got for us? I'm not saying that it's going to be quality, I'm not promising anything I'm not your wife and I know this already. Setting your expectations low. So, first on my list, Robert Stroud, is first on my list and he's actually on the naughty list of any lists. After I got three emails from Google Plus content from Him and then three Facebook posts about the same stuff from him. He has become blocked on both platforms unfortunately. And what's really strange is I really like Robert Stroud. He's really smart. But if you've got content like that, you need to be careful how you're distributing it. So let me get this straight. Someone you know is saturating your information channels with the exact same message. I don't wanna answer that question 'cause I know what the follow up response is. There's no follow up response. I'm just asking the question. So I guess for those people out there who don't know Robert Stroud, Robert Stroud is a an employee over at CA. Our friends at CA - love the CA by the way. Should we make this episode sponsored by them? Yeah. And Robert Stroud specifically. Robert is also, if you don't follow him on Twitter, he's Robert E Stroud I think on Twitter and responsible in large part for the, I guess, promotion of COBIT 'cause you don't see anything coming out of ISACA itself. Yeah. I think it was His claim to fame for a long time was one of the few members of both the ITSM board and the COBIN board. Right? Wasn't he on both? Well I was practicing with Christian Wicken for about a week. Yeah, it didn't fix either. So, do you have any visual proof of this, man? I mean, do you have anything that would actually point out this type of behavior? Yeah, I'll pull it up here on the screen share. With the power of the internet and Google Hangout. So with the power of the internet you can actually bring up an example of this. Yes. 'Cause I'm also ready for an example. Oh yeah, you take screen shots and stuff like that. See, I'm sort of a set it and forget it kind of guy, right? Should I screen share mine? Yeah. All right, I'll screen share mine. Screen share. It 's gonna take a little while to pull up. Select the window you want to show. Show that selected window. So as you can see here. Oh, I sent you that. Nice. As you could see here, we've got Robert Stroud on Facebook. And the things that are really interesting is like He posted to Facebook so he's got you created it but then he liked himself. Right and then its a video of himself, yeah. This is for cocktail re-calculus. That's the word of the day, re-calculus. Is was a bit much. So is this on Facebook? It was. I'm not on Facebook. That one's on Facebook. I can show you what I've got. No, no no, this is not the burn and of course it's the burn and torture episode. And the thing is it's actually good content, like the first one I actually read it. I don't know if this is a Google plus thing but sometimes when you share things on Google Plus it says Oh do you want to email these people? People do. I'm like, if anyone says yes to that, that's probably bad. They should remove that option. They should remove that option. Now, that's their viral effect, right That's how they get more people on Google plus. Yeah. Oh Yeah. That's lame. I agree. It is. I think your spot on Barron and we obviously do this out of love for Robert. Right? to help him understand what he's doing to those who actually read his content, like us. I'd hate to be your kid and in trouble. I G Plus one of his articles. I read it. It was the one was a blog on one of the Nimsoft blogs about Service Portfolio, and I thought the article was great but I don't think it applied to everybody, and I got a response back from John Custy who said, "No. I think your wrong man." I think Service Portfolio is more important for a small business than you know, the governance part of measuring or whatever it was that I had said but I think that's good. I love when people disagree with me because it makes me stop and think, did I read something differently or am I not thinking this through correctly? And occasionally I'll take away something of value. Occassionally. The best ways to grow and learn is to surround yourself with people who are growing and learning. That's right. So, other news the Service Now conference wrapped up last week. Some good Tweets came out of that. Yeah. A lot of big announcements came out high. Look, I've got things beeping and tweeting. you live in a censor world. I do live in a world of censors. So hybrid, high availability, consulting a bunch of other stuff things I thought were interesting, because actually Karen, down on "The Antipodean," that little show from down under. And Hooper, you weren't here. We may have to go off task. they recorded the first top of the world episode for Finland, Sweden, and the Nordics today so there is to be a fourth entry into the the fray here. But Karen Ferris did an amazing job of talking about the conference. You know, I had to work it, alright? That's always a lot different because when you're working a conference you don't have Time to enjoy anything. You know because at first you're keeping customers and everyone happy and moving and then you're also presenting, which was difficult. So I don't know. Seemed like a good conference to me. There seems to be a little of backlash on the Twitter right now, don't know what's going on with that but it is what it is. Yeah, one of the things that they really got right was having For people who don't share on Twitter and don't share on Facebook they use a social feed that anyone who signed up for the conference is automatically signed up for. So people would go into a social session or even a non-social session and you could be in like a Facebook style feed of that session. So if someone had questions, they could post it in there. You didn't have to interrupt the entire room. Yeah. People could just ask questions directly. If someone had content they needed to deliver. So in that they enabled the back channel for the conference. They actually, not only did they embrace it, they enabled it. Yeah. And then one of the big announcements, bigger than the high availability in my point of view is social streams for ITSM products. So in-line social streams for incidents, problems, CI. So you want to see the life of a CI you go check out its Facebook page. Or you check out the podcast from three years ago. Exactly. What a concept. So Hank Marquis, are you guys familiar with this Hank Marquis guy? Oh, yeah. He's got all the ITIL things on his collar at all the conferences. Used to work for Global Knowledge, and then he went to where, was it Microsoft or somebody? He was at Global Knowledge and then he worked for Lowe's Home Improvement which ironically enough I met someone once from Lowe's right after my mother died and this person had the exact same name as my mother, look at that! Priscilla Dancy. Ain't that creepy? This is crazy. Yeah, full of crazy through there. So yeah, went to Lowe's. Did a bunch of work for them. And then, came back, he's back at Global Knowledge now. So, yeah, he's back in the picture. I just wanted to check with you guys, are you following his updates? He seems to be back with a vengeance. Almost at penicillin levels of communication. No, I haven't seen the streams. I'd like to have him on the show. I think he's very interesting. Very, very progressive thinker and as Matt said he does have more pins than anyone Moving on. Have any of you guys noticed that Pink Elephant now has joined HDI, LinkedIn and back to ITSM, and all the other ones many sorted ways to communicate. And there's now something called the pink form. No, not pink curtains, the pink form. Have you guys seen this? No. This on Facebook? No. Wow. Hold on. I have to get either Nietzsche or a Heigel puppet out for that one. No, this is a user forum! The pink elephant sponsors. Actually it isn't Heigel, so I don't know. No, so it's, I'll put a link on this. So, basically you can go and talk about real service management questions. Just for you guys, and this kind of goes with a question that I saw earlier today. How many conversation forms do we need on the internet for this little topic? One. The problem is that we'd all have to agree upon it. No ones going to agree upon it and the pink elephant guys cant be on the HD iphone's asking questions and the HDi guys can't be on the pink phones answering questions. Well that's three. All of those guys are on all of those forums, I mean, Troy, practitioner radio. By the way if you looked at the stats, the number two episode, numbers two Two and three were Troy. Yeah. Number one being Gerard Green but. Yeah that was good. Once you got on black you don't go back. But they're all, I mean, Troy's on and David Ratcliff was on. So yeah, it's not like they're not on these things or other places. So I guess, if you want to check it out I'll put a link in the show notes. There's lots of action happening everywhere. It depends on how the job configured though. Some forms are excellent and they do a good job but They're too noisy. It's too impossible to find any kind of topics. LinkedIn versus Back tie TSM? Yeah, and that's the problem with unstructured user kind of your forms its a great concept. I know Doc Searls is gonna jump out of Harvard and come choke me for saying this but if you leave it to the crowds sometimes to create the voice. You know, they aren't always going to get it right. So you've got to give them a little guidance. You've got to give them a little structure and then I think the forms take better shape. Did you see that Doc Searls article called "After Facebook"? No, I missed that. Pretty amazing article talking about, what are we gonna do post-Facebook, how are we gonna acting and those sorts of things. Put a link in the show notes. But anytime he posts anything it's pretty amazing. It's like that Virg guy who gave up the Internet for a year. I love those I just love them. I'm watching him. You know I'm watching him. Very, very interesting, that guy. And then last, I think it was May 8th VPM publisher posted that the new ITIL software assessment criteria scheme for software tool venders has been released. So now that there's a new the quadrant of course there is going to be new Itel software scheme assessment. Is this like another version of pink verify? Oh, sometimes I wish I could summons David Ratcliff. David Ratclifff! exactly that. I don't think they would call it that. But yeah. So basically you've got a set of criteria. They call it the swirl. So your software can get either a gold, bronze or silver squirrel, I think it might be silver. I know the lowest criteria is someone just has to mention you out loud and you get that squirrel. Interesting enough. Which made me Tweet. I thought I'd share this Tweet with you every time I see ITIL software screen I have to realize that those three words are from 1998, 1963, and 1550 ITIL Software scheme. Man, you really did prepare today, Chris. Holy cow. Looking up words and their origins. That was the tweet from two weeks ago. I just saved it. That's not preparation. Oh. Did you see the article about everyone's ADHD? Yes, and I thought it Particularly, yeah, it rang true for me. And it's actually there's a link in it...or embedded YouTube video to a mindfulness the eye doctor. Yeah I like Cabit Zen Cabit Zen. And fantastic. One of my favorite quotes was in science it's not what you know it's what you're willing to know you don't know that matters. There's a paradox around that. It's one of these knowledge paradoxes. Hooper, you've got kids, what what do you think of this ADHD? I think that everybody does have it, a little bit of it. People express it in different ways. I don't know, I think a lot of it is just becomes that your senses I think I'm overloaded. I know when my son would watch too many movies or play too many video games he'd get more antsy. But if I told him to go for a run or you know go hit the gym he was he was fine. See my dad told me to go hit the gym. I just don't know how history would have been forked by that one decision. Seriously. There would have been a rupture in the time-space continuum, had my father 30 years ago said, hit the gym. It would have been a hate crime. It kind of goes back to the verge guy. The last article he had was about we know a lot of things that completely worthless because it's so easily found. A friend of his asked him you know did Jimmy Hendricks cover to this Eric Clapton song? And immediately they googled it and knew it. He left the room because not allowed to be in the room while they're Googling things. That's funny, that's really funny. We'll put a link to his blog, well not his blog, but someone else's, does the blog for him. Because I watched him hour he was on the internet, he was playing games live like we are now. Actually, literally playing games. Hooper, you're kind of quiet kind of get you involved, I don't know how to do it. I'll have to call Mrs. Hooper. I heard bad news: we didn't make it into the mass challenge program this year. So it's tough news. I just found out before I got on the show. Yeah. Oh, that's why you were late. That was why I was late. Yeah. Just go dry my eyes. Well. Yeah . That's start-up life. Did you guys read my blog? Who do I make it out to? Do you guys have a blog? I need a tool to help me figure out when you post something. Yeah. Well, this wasn't on my blog. This actually was picked up by Boston. And it was a blog I wrote, "Start-Up Life: Somewhere Between Suicide and Instagram." Yeah. You know, it's a constant roller coaster ride. So what does this mean? Does this mean anything or is it just another day? Yeah, it's a hit for our PR marketing. It's a hit for our mentorship that we need. It's always good to have more people helping you make the right connections in the start-up scene. But at the end of the day it's customers and, you know, delivering that's gonna make us successful. So we need to just...I think it'd actually be good for us. I think it's a good kick in the pants for us to kind of rethink where we are from our product strategy and really kind of drive our delivery more customer-centric. You know you do your best job that you can to try I like to get the customer input. But I just continue to see the team go off on these tangents of building, you know, technical accomplishments but complete customer failures. Whoo! that's a quote, that's a Tweet. That's pretty wild. I don't know you kind of bummed me out now, I don't know if I can finish the show. Of course I can! Well so here's the good news right? That yeah, tell me something. Gmail went down this morning for 400,000 users, and it's once again why people need to reconsider their cloud strategy. Now, what does "reconsider your cloud strategy" mean? We're Where are your points of data? right? so at least for me I wasn't impacted. I wouldn't even of known if I was impacted. I am because I wake up with a back ache. You know, your mail is pretty critical for most people, right? So, I mean, you got to think about where is it stored, how's it. stored, where is it kept so this is good news for companies like Backupify, which backs up their GMail and it's actually good news for us because we. Were an overlay to G mail we make your Email available even if G mail goes down or Facebook goes down you can still access those messages so its good you know this kind of thing continues to help show that the proliferation. of information and the fragments and the channels are gonna cause people to be innovative about the tools they develop you are so smart it's good for our space and I think it's good i'm not saying it's good that. well I know but it drives me crazy we people say, oh a cloud service failed you need to be ready for doom and gloom i think I put it on Facebook the other day you know the only people who care. about the Mayan calender calender makers, The Mayans don't give it a second thought that's right like come on alright guys i was racked because you know i was riddled with. in power. No, that probably wasn't the best thing to say online. I didn't mean to laugh, I'm sorry. Shut up! So I was thinking about Big Data the other day 'cause I found to really great videos. One was migrations of birds and the other one was migrations of Norwegians. These two things don't have anything in common other than migration. But, the one thing I thought was that old saying. Did you ever hear that saying about, you know, if a million monkeys type one of them will create Shakespeare? Yup. So I found, through the power of the internet, that's actually something called infinite monkey theorem. Have you heard of this infinite monkey theorem? From you, when you tweeted it. I had to look it up. Oh really? You actually pay attention to my Tweets? Oh yeah. I only follow 70 people, it's really easy. Let 's not get into that. HP laid off 27,000 people. Yeah, I saw that. Oh, I didn't see that. Well, I tweeted it. So, Beran. Well, I don't follow Hooper anymore. That way he just found out is I don't follow Woodward. Yeah, no one beats your tweets, Hooper. Yeah, I stopped following you once I knew that there was a PHP developer in Boston. I finally turned that off. yeah we know. Just in time for everyone not to realize. So HP Matt, since you're in the business it's kind of been there Yeah. They laid off 27,000 people in a major restructuring. Hooper, one of the reasons I think it's Meg Whitman there. Is that Meg? Mmhm. Hoop? Is that who runs that place? Is she the new CEO? I thought it was Meg Whitman maybe no. We've got the power of the internet at our hands and we're not looking it up. Oh well One of the reasons they're citing is they need to focus on innovation, which I think is just crazy because you're gonna lay off thirty thousand people to focus on innovation. That's the most innovative thing you could do is to actually talk to those 30,000 people. Yeah, and harvest it, make it meaningful. So is idea that they will be more flexible, right? They want to take that money, those salaries. Oh. And focus them on a very small team of probably This is not the article. Low paid code hackers, you know seeing whats next. But isn't that Hooper's problem? Again, you know causality, you know. We could link all of this together. But, what's really going on here and why don't people realize that HP, Rim, Nokia to some extent, Motorola, you know all of these - Google to a large extent, all these companies are really having trouble staying relevant. And like what was the name of the article you just wrote there, Hooper? Instagram and suicide, right? Yeah. What's left? But they're not risk takers. People throw this word innovation around all the time but they really don't understand what it means. What does innovation mean, Hooper? There's two aspects in my opinion of innovation, right? There's displacement and there's disruption. And displacement allows you to do something better, right? You're taking something that was done before and now you're increasing its capabilities. So, social media's been around forever, right? Who didn't have AOL? There was social media all over AOL, but Facebook made it better because it collaborated in a that made it more integrated with your close knit friends and things like that, with video and pictures and all that kind of stuff. So there's an aspect of what I would call its been innovation. Disruptive innovation is when there is something that doesn't exist and you create the opportunity to have it. The opportunity? Yeah...like cell phones were disruptive, not only the fact that you could talk to somebody while you're out and about, but now you have instant access to all this Internet data and everything else out and about. A child today has more access to information than George Bush did on 9/11. Yeah, so, you know, I was listening to the radio program over the weekend. I never call into radio programs I really felt like calling into this one because they were talking about how this next generation is so stupid because they cant communicate. I said it's not that they're stupid That's exactly the point. They have more information than any generation probably combined. But the problem is they don't have wisdom, right? So there's plenty of data, plenty information. They don't have the structure on how to acquire that knowledge, how to have the right set of prejudices and judgments and, you know. So what will happen? Well I think you're going to continue to see two groups of people become extremes. There's people where everything is so politically correct, and then the outside extreme where people are so into their own sub-cultures that they don't how to integrate with other people, you know, with the more general masses. Uh, I was specific...I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was specifically asking what's going to happen with the children? You cited that there is this lack of skill for them to create. Yeah I think that's what is going to happen. I think you're going to see two types of types of children grow up. So you don't think that there is an evolutionary model for these children to actually adapt and adopt.to create wisdom from ways that we just aren't used to, something we can't figure out yet? Oh, I'm sure there is. Yeah. Just wanted to bring a little hope to your glimmer of darkness. So just like, Hooper's like, you know, "All children are" you know, "Go to the gym and listen to your own music!" All right. Axious, I don't know if you guys saw this, but Axious has come out with Assist Ten and one of the big features is it's now social. should rewrite it. What does that mean, it's now social? Do you know how hard it is to get industry news? This is crippling! my God! You're all going to laugh at you. I feel like a scene from Cary! Seriously industry new... It's like impossible. Yeah. The fact we don't have news should be news should be news. All right. So does that mean that the ITEL software compliance thing that you mentioned earlier it has a component for social because is that something that is required now for all these service desks? Well its in the magic quadrant I now because, you know I'm never one to fib. I did not read the new compliance. Me neither. We could have Richard Faro on the show, but he's too busy collecting royalty. oooh, did I say that out loud? Yes. I just got an email saying, Dear King of Klout. Damn. All right, so, I hate the way...Oh! People are just out of their minds, lately. They don't realize that if they email you, that their Klout score goes down? No. Let's talk about that. Seriously, let's get a little church up in here. Okay. Are you ready to go have a little church? Amen. All right. I love these people now, Have you noticed everybody is Kloutified? I spit Klout out two years ago and now everybody's losing their mind. The reality is, when you tweet that someone just gave you a plus K. I can guarantee that is dropping your Klout score. I hope it does. This Claire somebody from England the other day said I just think it's nice to thank people. I'm like; but you wouldn't do that in real life. I wouldn't say Matt Beran, here say something nice to me, Matt. Chris your hair looks extremely subtle today. Matt just said my hair looks extremely subtle. Isn't that great? Thank you Matt. The person next to me heard you. Yeah, and I'm lost, too I already forgot about you because you were talking to someone else. Oh, I just say people need to get over their Klout obsession. It's not Klout, it's the idea Klout. We talk about this all the time. Oh, God. Now I've got people from work saying they're watching the live stream. Oh, this is in trouble. Ironically, my last day of work. All right. So Google's got this new spyware. They're gonna actually be shutting down machines. I don't know what they're gonna be doing remotely, but This DNS changer. Have you guys heard of this DNS changer? Oh yeah. Yup. Hoover? No. You know? It's a government issue right? No. What is it? Maybe we should all get on the same board with our news array. So basically it's some type of a malware that changes your DNS to redirect it to another DNS server so that can send you to sites when you type in Google it might take you to some other site because DNS just does the translation there. But sometime in mid-June Google's going to actually cut off access to their service if your machine's been infected, I'll put a link in the show notes. Two things that are important to talk about this. If you just go out and Google DNS changer malware there's a page, one page you can click on, it'll tell you are you infected or not. Because it's just checking to see where you're DNS servers are. So that's a big thing, don't - and the reason I say that, I was just that Micro Center the other day, which is one of the little computer stores here in town, and they're charging $30 if you bring in your laptop or computer to find out if you've been infected. they're the new BASFI. Yeah. So yeah. Check it out. I think, you know, you just don't need to pay anyone to find out if you've been infected. More importantly, like Cooper said, if you depend on Google Google services. Mid-June when you can't access any of them, you'll know why. News, guys, got any more news? I've got news for days. Did you guys hear about this this rumor that Facebook might make a SmartPhone? Yeah, they're hiring a bunch of Apple developers? That rumors been around for like a year. It's been around for a little while, yeah. Didn't they already do it too. I thought...Oh, no. Someone else made a Facebook-only data phone that was like for kids. This one seems real. But you also on a podcast said employers really were asking for passwords to Facebook. And they were. Yeah, and still are probably. Who? Who? I've yet to find one article that actually names an employer who did. I'll send it to you. No one will share it because they wanna stay hired. Actually, Hooper's Smack.com. Yeah, Hooper's cut off on a than ask me for my passwords. Actually, you know what? I was just at a cookout this Sunday and one of my wife's cousins is a principal and she was saying there was school system that was doing that . They were also asking the teachers to give them their user names and password because kids might contact them, and they needed to be able to monitor that, and they said no. Yeah, there's a whole bunch of teachers out there that would love to friend their students and see them taking bong hits. Well I'm sure they'd love to friend their students. I've read their stories all all the time. Why does no one hire adults anymore? Hire adults that make responsible decisions. It bothers me. It bothers me crazy. Like, my wife has simple rules - she's a teacher. And I might add, she's an attractive teacher. I agree. And her rule is very simple. If you're a current student, not going to friend you ever. Like, graduate and yeah you can talk to me about Spanish. So once you graduate from your wife's class you can become her friend? Yeah, and you know, then she can see like how many of her Spanish students go on to do Spanish majors in college. Like, it's an easy way for her to do KPI on her...No mas. No mas. never mind. We're not going there. We should do a whole episode in Spanish. Google released a slide deck, which I thought was pretty cool very, very transparent of them talking about the anti-spam and the measures they take to protect you from password hacking. The title that was "The age of the password is over and never coming back." Point of this little news article is, again, if Google can put out something this intimate to their business to just anybody. I think it says a lot about business today or maybe they think they just can't...they can release that sort of thing and not worry about it. What really looked cool to me was they had department that was dedicated to a higher purpose. And it was dedicated first to this password cracking and then it was to hijack the this department sort of changed as what was happening changed. I think that is how I see innovation needing to happen I was talking to someone from Best Buy and she put it perfectly: The problem with Best Buy isn't that they're becoming the showroom for Amazon, because they are. That is what's happening. You know, people go and look and then they go buy it somewhere else where it's cheaper. The problem is that Best Buy hasn't figured out how to monetize, being the showroom for Amazon. Go where the market wants you to go. You need to be flexible and change as you need to change and not fire 37,000 people, that could be flexible and change. 27,000. I think if Best Buy wants to become relevant, I told you this Barron, they should embrace the fact that they're showroom for Amazon, but employ people who are the Engadget in real life. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. All right, so we solved your problem, Best Buy. checks in the mail. We should just have a podcast where we solve world issues. And then sign checks and rip them up. And then rip up checks. So, Hooper, anything else going on in the world of CIO, start-ups, SIM no I don't have anything else. I think we covered it. That's it? That's it. Barron, you have anything else? Yeah, I got a couple things. Social media adoption. If you want social media adoption in your ITSM tools, you need to turn it on by default and not allow people to turn it off. Do you know why some people actually decide to foster parent over adopting. Try before you buy? Genetics? You know, you guys have just devolved humanity end of the crisis that I fear that it is. You just took children and made them try before you buy. Oh, God It's not like we're not streaming this entire show live and this can't be edited out. Oh, my Lord. Someone get me a crucifix. No, It just drives me crazy when people talk about adoption and stuff. I think there's a real good reason adoption and foster parenting were two activities within parenting realm. And I think, you know, when people say we need to foster this idea of adoption within our enterprise, they don't really ever actually think about the word adoption and I think to actually look up the word adoption would probably be the most relevant thing to do. Do you want to hear my analogy I give when I'm teaching ITIL? You are an ITIL teacher, by the way probably looking for work. Great. When I talk about adoption, I use the analogy of a guy who's maybe dating an a woman with kids. I thought you were going to say a dating a white woman. That's what I thought you were going to say. I was like, where is this going? of kids and the kid gets sick. They might say, "Well, we're not gonna go out to the movie. We may stay home." Things like that, right? Whereas if the point where the kid gets sick and he's ready to sell his sports car, ready to give up his condo to help pay for the bills, and take things to the next level to really care for that kid. That's the level of adoption. It's a true commitment. You know? It's how much you invested in this relationship. So, it's like the processes and the organization that you build around the organization you build and the processes you institute around that organization, how committed are you? And how far are you willing to go? Whereas if you foster parent in an organization. You're more concerned with the general wellbeing of the population of children. Yup. And getting them through a crisis so that you can move on and help the next appropriate needy person. Fostering makes more sense in the enterprise than adopting. Yeah. Fostering is actually agile human care. whereas adoption is very single minded egotist type of thing. Well, I would say from a process perspective, but from a cultural perspective, I'm not sure I agree. I think adoption is critical. Oh yeah. I could've went with a single payer system there when you dropped the health care issue earlier, but I didn't. All right. That went right over my head. In our ever not to be political podcast, my final story, and I'm gonna let. Do you have one more at least, Baron? Data sexiness. Okay, we'll make that the last one. My last one is from Engadget, 5-22, so recently. But not really if. So they have now successfully. I'm trying to figure out what school it was. But I was in a fight with Jeff Brooks from Gartner at the Service Now event. Oh, ching. And I said to him, because he's all about the data center, I said, "Dude, data centers don't exist in the future, you are the data center." I've said this before, I've tweeted it, Dude, you're the If you're between 30 and 50, you're gonna have data in you. It's just a matter of time, right? You were the floppy disk. We've already proved that you're the platform. now scientists have developed rewritable digital storage built in your DNA. And this was...we've been flirting with this for some time. But it was the re-writable using, at Stanford they did this last week using natural enzymes that create re-writable storage directly in living DNA cells. So, I'll just ask you too: given the choice, now you might not be comfortable with the idea today, but given the choice, where do you feel most safe with your data? In my pocket, on a thumb drive. Right. Middle of my heart. All right, so two extremes. One host says, "on the device in my pocket, closest to the probably thing you cherish the most," and the other the other host says in the middle of the heart. Or brain. Or brain. I don't know. I just think that the time for me to bring my own device was a red herring for the fact that I could be able to come into the enterprise, pick up anything and just grab it, and boom. There is my data. Right there. There's your USB interface. There's your FireWire. There's your Thunderbolt. This is not a 20-year thing. This is a 6-year thing. We'll be doing a podcast then and I'll talk about how I shared photos at a table in the airport lounge of Cathay Pacific that I was admired to 'cause I was a Klout high score person. By touching it? Yeah. Fantastic. And if you need to back it up, you just shake hands with someone? Yeah. Gross. Did you wash that data after you were done? Did you wash the data? Is this clean data? Alright dirty. I mean the Dyson Handblades. Can you imaging those things? That 's the format. That's the format. All exit interviews you have to take their hands and just. Scary . I like it though. Yeah. I think you're getting close. The Google goggles thing kind of goes that way. And anyway. Dude, speaking of Google goggles Okay sorry. Yeah. Did you guys see the second video that's been released now? Yeah, the trampoline thing? The trampoline. Hooper. Yeah. So this guy's released a video now and it's really interesting because it shows him using Google Goggles. So it's the recording of him using them, right? So it's his vision outward or using the camera. And what I thought was so amazing about this was there's this viral video it's going around this weekend. Well, this guy asked his wife to marry him while she's in a truck and he's got a bunch of people dancing along and stuff. And it's cute, but had that been shot from her point of view, using Google Goggles, that would have totally changed that dynamic. And from his point of view. Yeah. I'll have to check it out. Yeah, we'll check it out. So, Chris sent me this awesome article about Data Sexiness, and you kind of talk about this breed of people that are sort of emerging to be Digital OCD,dData hungry . Now this is the rise of the datasexual? Yes, the datasexual. Hooper's like. Look at Hooper's face. Did he just say datasexual? Go ahead. It makes sense that people, and you see them, there are people who want bit of data. I heard it on NPR yesterday that there was a guy, he wants his ICD data from Medtronic. Like, he wants to know all the stats about his pump. And I think that it's a growing breed. I feel like I am one of these people. I wanna know all the data about everything that I'm doing all the time but I'm also, sort of, lazy sexual. I want the devices and. Yeah, exactly I want the devices and tools. Not all devices should have sensors. Let me just stop you there. I want them to manage that. for me so that...because I don't have the time. And photos is a perfect case where I want to save every photo ever taken. And my wife wants...she wants the ones that look bad. But I want to say even that look bad are blurry. I want to say that every single one of them but I don't have the time to go through them and organize them in any way, shape or form. So, until the devices are better at doing that for me. Where are all those images that are blurry and not shaped? And where are they all saved now? Google Drive and Dropbox. Both. No. How about if he didn't have anything technical. In his head? Exactly. Oh, yeah. Just to bring it around, kids. I know, I just wish that I could get them out of my head. I need. That's a medication question, that's not really about this topic. You take that pill and now, it out comes the pictures. There is, there's actually pills that do, they've got a, I'll put a link to the show notes. They'll be the last show notes. There's actually medication now that will actually re-selective memories. I think I've got the wired article over here somewhere. The last three years would not be one them. All right guys is that it? it. Are we done? That's is, we're done. I'm gonna go ahead and put a couple of other things in the show notes for you guys. Matt tweeted out something about his Klout score being affected the day he showed up at Knowledge, I've got a great screen shot of that, that I want to get get out to you guys. Obviously, the Facebook saga is not over yet with the IPO scandal. Service Now obviously lots of things changing there. Back to ITSM, the Facebook group is just going nuts. And then I tried out this thing the other day called UberConference and it's pretty damn cool. Oh. What's the name of the service that backs up everything from a conference? Which one? There's about a hundred. The one you did in your Digital Literacy one. I want to save all my tweets from Knowledge, so that I can justify my attendance next year. How nice! I used two things, I use Topsy and I use - Topsy. Yeah, Topsy. Target stats for that sort of thing. Okay, we will see everybody in two weeks, and hopefully we'll have our friend from SalesForce, or old SalesForce on for that show. Hooper, best, you know. I don't know. Come out with an app. Upward and downward, baby. So yeah. Just because you're not in mass challenge, that just means you pay rent, that doesn't mean anything else, right? Yeah. It's not bad, it's not a bad thing. Just means we choose another direction on how we operate. No big deal. So you're okay. All right. This has been ITSM Weekly, the podcast episode 90. Most old women don't get to be this old. And we will talk to everyone in two weeks. Thank you so much. Bye. Thanks everybody. Adios. This was ITSM Weekly. Thank you for listening. For more information about this podcast and ITSM news, go to ITSMWeekly.com.

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15. Mindful Cyborgs - Episode 20 - Mindful Cyborgs: the Beginning - A Look Back at 2013

Mindful Cyborgs - Episode 20 - Mindful Cyborgs: the Beginning - A Look Back at 2013

Mindful Cyborgs Episode 20 - Mindful Cyborgs: the Beginning - A Look Back at 2013 HOSTS: Monkey (Chris Dancy) twitter.com/servicesphere Spider (Klint Finley) www.twitter.com/klintron Cheetah (Alex Williams) https://twitter.com/alexwilliams GUEST: none *****TOP STORIES & SHOW NOTES***** Monkey (Chris Dancy) twitter.com/servicesphere Spider (Klint Finley) www.twitter.com/klintron Cheetah (Alex Williams) https://twitter.com/alexwilliams News: Lost Year in Tech http://qz.com/161443/2013-was-a-lost-year-for-tech/ : argument is most trends were bad or overhyped, not a lot interesting or legitimately new Bitcoin Big data Amazon drone Stories that cast tech industry in bad light Arrogance of silicon valley etc Alex: less about technology, more with how it fits with humanity Meatspace http://techcrunch.com/2014/01/01/meatspace-a-world-of-animated-gifs-human-robots-and-the-ephemerality-of-snapchat-like-apps/ 2013 was the “collapse of the super-node, rise of mini super-nodes” Chris saw more people swearing in headlines and online, more stories about culture and culture-lite, more about belief systems and theories Tim Draper wants to make Silicon Valley it’s own state http://techcrunch.com/2013/12/19/tim-draper-six-californias-secede-silicon-valley-ballot-initiative/ “And call that state Elysium??” Conferences with disclaimers Digital affirmative action “Feels late for it to be happening” PR person fired over AIDS tweet http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/dec/22/pr-exec-fired-racist-tweet-aids-africa-apology Shanley is hyperpolarizing https://twitter.com/shanley Show here -- #2 show of the year http://mindfulcyborgs.com/shows/2013/10/21/episode-12-power-and-privilege-in-the-new-working-order #1 show of the year - Alexander Bard http://mindfulcyborgs.com/shows/2013/11/11/episode-14-attentionalism-netocracy-and-the-all-consuming-flame-of-todaymorrow Main points of discussion based on Alexander’s theories: Netocrats vs Consumtariat Attentionalism overtaking capitalism Klint doesn’t think it’s a new economy, but new ways people achieve elite status. But ‘on to something’ in terms of that divide (tech-savvy, creative, interesting Netocrats vs. those that aren’t) Artistic world with technology? Klint’s fiction piece http://dreadfulcafe.com/publications/membrane Dark Night of the Cyborg Soul http://mindfulcyborgs.com/shows/2013/10/5/episode-11-dark-night-of-the-cyborg-soul -- Chris and Klint dove in to their experiences with depression Nathan Jurgenson https://twitter.com/nathanjurgenson Digital dualism Documentary-style vision People talk and phrase things as if talking about social media when talking about IRL event Chris live posted body stats while keynoting in London Klint riffs on impermanence Chris’s Dark Night was 18 months in to meditation practice. Would get so sad and disconnected from all hope. 2013 Chris got okay with all going down “As long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than there is wrong, no matter how ill or how hopeless you may feel.” -John Kabat-Zinn Alex: in a crowd, I count how many are looking at their phones. Find concerning. Too immersed? Alex Soojung-Kim Pang The Distraction Addiction http://www.amazon.com/The-Distraction-Addiction-Information-Communication/dp/0316208264 vs. Nathan Jurgenson. IRL Fetish http://thenewinquiry.com/essays/the-irl-fetish/ IRL Fetish: when offline, other’s around you are still plugged in and telling you information, and offline person often thinking about what they will do when online. “Real life is where you get your facebook photos” -girl on bus Distraction Addiction: effects of blended reality, encourages people to try to disconnect. Disagreement is how important those things are. Can agree on “just design tech better.” Nathan: fetishize disconnected state, pathologize people connected. Becomes way to try to prove that you’re better than someone else. Playing with phone during takeoff and landing Words of the show 2013: visions - unusual competence in discernment or perception; intelligent foresight prophesy - to predict with assurance or on the basis of mystic knowledge void - completely empty commons - refers to the cultural and natural resources accessible to all members of a society, including natural materials such as air, water, and a habitable earth. These resources are held in common, not owned privately. The resources held in common can include everything from natural resources and common land to software. (from Wikipedia) hustle - to move or work in a quick and energetic way; or, from urbandictionary: a) make money doing something slightly shady b) dance from the 70's paradigm - a distinct concept or thought pattern object - anything that is visible or tangible and is relatively stable in form micro-aggression - the idea that specific interactions between those of different races, cultures, or genders can be interpreted as small acts of mostly non-physical aggression. disillusionment - a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be. performative - being or relating to an expression that serves to effect a transaction or that constitutes the performance of the specified act by virtue of its utterance worried-well - people who are healthy but are worried about becoming ill and so take medication or see a doctor when they don't need to pathologizing - regard or treat (someone or something) as psychologically abnormal or unhealthy. contemplative - expressing or involving prolonged thought. monastic - of or relating to monasteries or to monks or nuns precariat - in sociology and economics, precariat is a social class formed by people suffering from precarity, which is a condition of existence without predictability or security, affecting material or psychological welfare as well as being a member of a Proletariat class of industrial workers who lack their own means of production and hence sell their labour to live. Specifically, it is applied to the condition of lack of job security, in other words intermittent employment or underemployment and the resultant precarious existence.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Precariat electromyography- a technique for evaluating and recording the electrical activity produced by skeletal muscles. big pharma - pharmaceutical industry MONDO2000 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondo_2000 Fractalnoia http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2013/03/fractalnoia-excerpt-from-douglas-rushkoffs-present-shock/ (Present Shock) “It’s a strange time to have multiple selves” - Alex Bitstrip to communicate every waking moment Simulacrum http://www.amazon.com/Atmospheric-Disturbances-Novel-Rivka-Galchen/dp/B003JTHTQC “When Dr. Leo Liebenstein's wife disappears, she leaves behind a single confounding clue: a woman who looks, talks, and behaves exactly like her. A simulatcrum. Black Mirror http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2085059/ Excitement over Alan Turing getting a pardon pissed off Chris “lots of people sharing are homophobic in daily lives” homosexuality is still criminal in many countries Alex: would have been better if UK gov admitted shame and disgust with actions “Don’t all of a sudden get all Gay and Mighty on me” Department of Defense released 170 pg manifesto on 25 year plan to make unmanned weaponry *****WORD OF THE WEEK***** Visions: Unusual competence in discernment or perception; intelligent foresight *****TWEET OF THE WEEK***** none *****EVENTS***** SXSW - March 7-16, 2014 Austin, TX sxsw.com/ (POSSIBLY SEE KLINT AND CHRIS PRESENT) Cyborg Camp - MIT Media Lab - August 2014 - Boston, MA Buddhist Geeks Conference - October 16th – 19th, 2014 - Boulder, CO www.buddhistgeeks.com/conference/ *****THANK YOU / FIND US***** AARON JASINSKI: Artist work for the mindful cyborgs www.aaronjasinski.com/ ROSS NELSON: Brown Hound Media for mixing brownhoundmedia.com/ FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/MindfulCyborgs GOOGLE PLUS: plus.google.com/u/0/communities/1…97482352220770025 TWITTER: twitter.com/mindfulcyborgs SOUNDCLOUD: soundcloud.com/itsmweekly/sets/mindful-cyborgs-the-podcast ITUNES: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/mindf…orgs/id641214272 STICHER RADIO: www.stitcher.com/podcast/chris-da…borgs?refid=stpr TRANSCRIPT: Mindful Cyborgs, Contemplative living in the age of quantification, augmentation and acceleration, with your hosts, Chris Dancy and Klint Finley. CD: Welcome to Mindful Cyborgs. Hi, Klint. KF: Hey how’s it going? CD: Good. We just released chicken fries to APIs the final of the extravaganza that was like 8 shows out of Defrag and we’re joined today by someone we’ve been joined with before Alex Williams. How are you doing, Alex? AW: I’m great, Chris. How are you? Hey, Klint. KF: Hey, how’s it going? AW: Good. CD: So, Alex, we thought because sometimes Klint and I can’t be around we’ve been trying to get Alex to commit and still a no because we’re all still in our Buddhist closets some things and cyborg closets, but Alex I think it’s kind of unofficially official you’re in the third house now, right? AW: Come in. CD: You’re in. All right. And your spirit animal is? AW: Cheetah. CD: Cheetah and I’m monkey. Now, Klint, you weren’t there for the not so secret epic party that happened on a mountainside - I can’t even say the person’s name - during Defrag. KF: Yeah, I think I picked spider during the last podcast. CD: All right. So, we got spider and cheetah and monkey. So, guys, let’s catch up and get to the news because this is going to be an epic show because we’ve got a lot of stats and a lot of data to cover and shows to review. So, Klint, why don’t you kick off? You said there were a couple of stories. One I didn’t get a chance to read but everybody I follow was tweeting about the [00:02:00]. Well, what’s that all about? KF: Well, the argument is that [audio skip] were either bad or over-hyped for example Bitcoin, Big Data I don’t know somehow the rest of the world kind of picked up on Big Data finally towards the end of last and this year so it also kind of brought along I guess the debunkers who also finally started to pay attention to this big buzzword. The Amazon drone non-story I think was another example. If it wasn’t, it should have been [audio skip] then realizing it’s actually just total bullshit. And then some of the other thing this year were the story took a lot of the . . . just cast tech, the tech industry in a really bad light and a lot of the stories that we kind of talked about the arrogance of Silicon Valley [audio skip]. I’m kind of looking at all that [audio skip] look like a bad year for tech. Not a lot of new. This argument wasn’t a lot of interesting, legitimately new things coming out. Just a lot of people piling on to a few trends. CD: Would be new but what would make Christopher Mims happy I wonder. KF: I would argue that quantified self is a pretty interesting thing this year. I guess it’s not a new trend in 2013 but there were some pretty interesting things that we’ve talked about this year. CD: I don’t know. We had Ernesto on. The movement’s been around since 2008. Everybody talks about [00:03:40] top quantified self resources but to me I kind of figured it was mainstream when I saw this literally the 65 year old woman at Tokyo Joe’s with a BodyMedia on. She might not even have known the term “quantified self” but she was measuring. So, strange. AW: Seems to me like it’s not as much about the technology anymore as it is about how does this fit with humanity and I think that’s the big question right now. Technological milestones come and go and perhaps this year didn’t have as many milestones or didn’t have the excitement of year’s past but to me the discussion is starting to shift more toward what does this mean for me, what does this mean for us as people and how we’re going to balance the powers that have such control over such large [00:04:34] of technology. I hate that word but I’m going to use it and have such financial control and so what does that mean really for all of us out there. And so the interesting things to me then is like how are these new technologies going to fit with our view of humanity and I think beneath that there is an endlessly fascinating story. I think Quartz is looking at the headlines and they make an argument that can be defended and it makes an argument of their own that technology is a funny thing and innovations come and go and you don’t know really what is going to affect the future or not but it kind of all swells up. So, that to me is like the more interesting story is these developments underneath the surface because I still think there’s really interesting things that are emerging that I think are a lot of fun that are going to kind of transform existing technologies that we have now. I’ve been really hooked on this Meatspace, this app developed by this application engineer from Mozilla which is like snapshot combined with animated gifs. So, you have like this ephemeral chat session but every time you leave an update you also like pose for the camera and leave an animated gif. It’s almost better than video. There’s no audio so you don’t have to listen to the person and it all goes away. CD: You guys hit on a couple of interesting things. What I noticed - I think you’ve explained this story, Klint. I’m trying to read it but now that you’ve said it, it makes sense. 2013 was really about almost the collapse of the super node, right? So, these people who are like super connectors almost like okay, I’m connected enough and like the rise of these kind of mini-super nodes and then you talked about what does this mean for humanity, I saw more people swearing online and swearing in headlines. I saw more stories about culture or culture light. The stories about kind of the crazy stuff that happen at conferences or on sexism and racism and homophobia. I saw more stories about people’s belief systems and feelings and there seems to be this kind of epic battle brewing for 2014 over how badly can you offend me. I tweeted out earlier in the week 2014 I think this will be the year that humanity goes on trial online because it doesn’t seem like there’s anything that can happen that we can’t just attack and that’s not new but what is new is the reasons around it are getting to be very, very, very kind of hyper political and polarized. Do you guys notice any of those? AW: The polarization is quite apparent to me at least. I think that the story at the end of the year just last week about Tim Draper saying that Silicon Valley should be its own state to me is a real sign of that polarization. CD: What do we call that state, Elysium? AW: Yeah, and that’s just to me an effort to really consolidate the power of the rich into one super state. I think that’s a clear example of the polarization. CD: Klint, did you . . . we had Shanley on. She’s one of the shows we’re going to talk about in a bit but you saw some of the things that happened at conferences. Defrag opened up their conference with a whole section on there will be no talk of this and there will be no [00:08:05]. Conferences with disclaimers, there’s a O’Reilly conference coming up called Solid and when you apply one of the things they ask you is are you gay, black or are you one of these things that we don’t normally have on stage because we’re going to instantly give you more credit in consideration. When I filled out the Solid to speak at Solid, I thought to myself wow, this is kind of crazy. What did they call it back in the 60s and 70s when they moved people through government ranks because they were minorities? Affirmative action. There’s digital or affirmative action happening. It’s just really strange. AW: Digital affirmative action, yeah. KF: Yeah. It feel like it’s really late for it to be happening. When you said affirmative action happen everywhere else decades ago, there’s also an argument to be made that things are actually - CD: Worse. KF: - worse outside of the tech industry but I’m glad that all these things are getting more attention. I don’t know how it’s all going to play out but there’s definitely a strong reaction against all of it as well. The more women that speak out the more just misogynistic douchebag guys also like react to it and actually kind of double down on being pricks and I don’t know where it’s all going to end up. I don’t know if there’s a better way of addressing the issues. I think that a lot of times people get carried away with attacking individuals over tweets rather than thinking more about the big picture but at the same time usually people need to be called out on for what they say. So, I don’t know [00:09:45]. CD: Who was that PR person she tweeted about AIDS? KF: Oh yeah. I don’t remember her name. CD: I saw the tweet and I’m like okay and then I went back and some blogger had collected all her tweets from like 2 years’ worth of like her kind of question of content and yeah, as a body of work yeah maybe she’s a little bit dicey but I don’t know. There is a coming super witch hunt online and I just can feel it in my bones. KF: Yeah. Well, it’s not coming it’s here. It feels like people are really . . . CD: You think? KF: Yeah. She wasn’t the first person that something like that happened to. There was . . . CD: No, I think it’s going to get like really crazy worse. I go back to watching Shanley. I love her. Some people I like and I follow and respect looked at who I was following and said “Why are you following Shanley?” and like came after me. I’m like “What does it matter to you?” KF: Yeah, she is really hyper polarizing in that way. AW: Shanley is also a real fighter and that’s to me what’s important about Shanley she really fights what she believes in and I like to see more people fighting what they believe in and I think there is a corollary here to the civil rights movement when people were afraid to speak out and when people started to speak out, then you started to see change and Shanley is one of the first who started to speak out and I think in a very positive way. I’ve known Shanley since ’08 or ’09 when I was at ReadWrite web and Shanley once pitched me and she wanted me to come to a conference in New York. She was working for a PR firm and I’ve always liked the people who work for PR firms are usually young women and you know that they are in a kind of a tough situation. It’s like they’ve got a pretty good paying job but really they’re given a list and they’re supposed to call it down and they’re supposed to then email incessantly until they get their numbers. You know that a number of these women are actually very, very bright and so I started talking to Shanley I started talking about APIs and I was just curious what she knew about them and she knew a lot and from that point then I had a different view and context about Shanley and who she is and she went on and she’s become a bona fide technologist and I think there’s just a lot more people like that. There are a lot more people like out there and I’d love to see more. CD: If you could suggest some, I’d love to follow some more of them. But for those of you who would love to check out Shanley she’s at - I think she’s at Shanley online. But she was Episode 12 this year. Some other guy Shanley statistics guy she was one of our top 3 shows. So, our most popular show she was up in one of the top 3. She’s actually show #2. She was the second most popular show. That show was recorded in October. It was called “Power, privilege and the new working order” and actually the word for that show was my co-aggression. That’s just a little bit of quantified self. That was actually also the highest heart rate recorded for any show I do. My heart rate was 91 bpm as average in that show so little bit of stats there and that show total plays so far since we recorded it a little over 2,600. So, interesting stuff for Shanley. KF: It’s encouraging that that show was listened to so much because it shows how interested people are in this stuff right now whether they’re for . . . I don’t know what you would call it like reform or what I would call reactionary but one way or the other like people are definitely paying attention and I feel like that’s got to be the first step. CD: Speaking of paying attention let’s talk about the #1 show of the year. I don’t know if this is a good thing or how it feels. I had so many people who spoke to me after this show going I could tell you were a fan and Klint was kind of skeptical but the show of the year ended up being Alexander Bard. The show was called “Attentionalism, Netocracy, and the All-Consuming Flame of To(day)morrow”. Close to 4,000 listens. It was show 14 recorded in November. Actually, Shanley was the second highest heart rate. Alexander Bard was the highest at 93. And the word of that show was paradigm but, Alex, I don’t know if you had a chance to listen to that show but Alexander Bard is a Nordic internet philosopher and he believes that we’re in this time of uber connected creativity. So, basically, you can be really well known and you can be really rich but it’s all going to go away and all that’s going to really matter is if you’re actually kind of artistic and can you keep someone’s attention and he thinks we’ve left capitalism and we’ve moved into what he calls attentionalism and this economy of attentionalism basically there are two groups of people the netocrats which are the uber people can’t stop paying attention to them and then the consumeriat . . . He said some very colorful choice words about what these people do online. Basically, how they’re just mouth breathers digitally. Thoughts on attention and . . . I mean, the attention economy is not new but the fact that he thinks that basically there are these two groups of people online which I think kind of goes back into this separation and polarity we feel about work and job and money. KF: I still think that it’s not really a new economy insofar what we’re seeing is just new or different ways that someone achieves or retains their elite status but that said I do think he’s onto something in terms of that divide. We’ve talked about it over the last few episodes what to actually do about it a world where you have a relatively small group of tech savvy people. It really goes beyond being tech savvy as he points out and I like the use of the semi-artistic just having some means of actually grabbing and holding somebody’s attention for some amount of time. CD: That really is the point. You can be tech savvy but that’s not really enough anymore. You actually need to be tech savvy and interesting which is scary for a lot of people because they start doing all those kind of [00:16:45] part of the show, am I interesting, what is interesting. I meet a lot of people I work with and in conferences ago I would do more online, I would be on Facebook or on Twitter but I don’t have anything to say and you got to go gosh, what can we do. I don’t even know what to say to someone when they say stuff like that to me “You are interesting”. I always tell people especially people who want to tweet because everybody wants to tweet like Cray tweets that a year from now are little fortune cookies to yourself. If you can read your tweet a year from now and it doesn’t make you cringe, that’s a good tweet but like that’s how I treat it. All my tweets are little messages from the future because I have all these services repeating back to me. I don’t know. Alex, do you have an opinion on this sort of thing? AW: I think that Bard gets to something. I’m just reading about him. He’s quite the character out there. I think that maybe Bard to me is representative of kind of this community still of very much forward thinkers who are helping kind of try to define this time we’re in. CD: Alex he actually on the show said that Google’s paying him to help them figure out how all this functions. I don’t about you Klint but when you said that on there I thought that’s pretty grand thing to say. KF: Yeah. CD: Wow! Okay. AW: He’s also an artist and I think that’s noteworthy. I think we’re still lacking kind of this an art movement that kind of speaks to kind of this changing time we’re in in terms of literature and music and artistic works be it digital or otherwise. CD: Speaking of artistic and literature, Klint, you got your piece up now and I finally did get through it. Amazing! But Alex just made me thinking there is kind of the gap in the artistic world between where we are technologically as a culture and what we’re seeing in art. It seems like it go super retro or it’s like completely modern with some type of strange filter or ephemeral nature or some type of weird . . . I’d love to ask Nathan about that but where can people find your piece, your fiction piece? KF: Dreadfulcafe.com CD: Dreadfulcafe.com. So, check that out and then our third most popular show for the year . . . we got a bunch of different ways we looked at this. We looked at just total numbers and we looked at total sound card numbers which we can get some interesting stats on like what countries and that sort of thing was the show with no guest interestingly enough and that was Dark Night of the Cyborg Soul. That was show 11 with just over 2,000 listens since we recorded it. That show was really interesting because for Klint and I . . . I’m not sure Klint if you remember recording that one but we kind of dove into kind of some dark mindfulness and wasn’t really disillusionment as much as you can get pretty profoundly depressed when you or at least for me what the show was about was being slightly aware and paying attention it can feel pretty lonely. KF: And it can also start to make you feel crazy. AW: How so? CD: I don’t know, Alex. We’re pretty sure you’re a cyborg. We never really questioned you on your mindfulness. We should have screened him better, Klint. AW: I want to explore that because I think there’s something to it but I’m curious on how so from your perspective. CD: It’s one of the first shows where we actually got hard into Buddhism and it was right after my Buddhist Geeks conference experience. We talked a little bit about what is human suffering and suffering was basically attachment to people, outcome sort of things. I think what’s interesting about the show was it was one of the shows were Klint actually dove in a little bit of his past and his experiences with depression and I dove into my mind which maybe I don’t know people found that really interesting but for me as I become or practice a level of awareness some days are better than others obviously I find people would be Alexander Pang would just masturbate all over those but it’d be profoundly disconnected. Even without technology. I think this goes back to something that I heard Nathan Jurgenson say when we interviewed him. Social media’s strongest when we’re not on it because we’re obsessed with getting back to it. I can’t help observe the general populous even when they’re not on some form of technology fetishizing about getting back to some form of technology. You can just see people stare . . . Nathan Jurgenson calls it documentary style vision and you can see people literally look at things as if it’s a picture and then describe them to you as if they’re a picture. People talk and phrase things as if they’re talking about social media even though they’re talking about an event and I’m wondering if you know in 2 years when people talk in numbers, when people talk in quantified self sense this is how everything was, this is how measured it was. I don’t know. So, for me, Alex, I’m dealing with my own way. Klint pretty aware. KF: We’ve already touched on that in the show where you pointed out these were the shows where I had the highest heart rate. You didn’t say these were the shows I was most excited about. You looked at it like the most quantified like possible way. CD: Yeah. Only because we had that other show where I talked about when I was in London I posted my stats up on this when I was keynoting my heart rate movement and a bunch of other stats real time on the screen and I can’t remember who was on the show. I think Ernesto was on that show, Ernesto from the quantified self. KF: I think it may have been one without a guest but that’s when I talked about emotional . . . CD: Handicap digital emotions and what I thought was interesting about that, Alex, so now we’re talking about awareness and stuff but what I noticed about that show now we’re kind of going forward what we think people will be doing was when I did that it was first keynote I’ve ever done. Actually, that’s not true. I did Salesforce when I did a little bit of quantification so people could see my posture as I was presenting. This woman came up to me afterwards and she goes “I just could not stop watching your heart rate while you were speaking and when you got kind of choked up, it just really moved me” and I’m like - AW: Wow! CD: I thought I kind of held it together. She goes, “Oh, no, you held it together but I could just see your body reacting to it” and I thought to myself, wow! I think I’m kind of freakish that I look at everything under this kind of data layer. Once Klint introduced me to this data exhaust. Sometimes I’ve to really be aware that people are organic and not look at temperature changes and light on their faces and also the kind of stuff that I look at. I thought wow, she just looks at numbers and some people just look at numbers but then I thought well, maybe that’s normal. Maybe some people just love their dashboards and their cars. I don’t know. But if you’ve ever ridden in a Tesla, it’s info overload. It’s just like wow, there’s information everywhere in this car. AW: So, for Klint how does that to you equate to depression? KF: It doesn’t necessarily equate directly to depression. In my case I felt like it had more to do with anxiety as you start to become more aware of things in general. In my case it was less about data because I’m a bit less data obsessed than Chris but just the more you come to realize and accept . . . I guess maybe even before you reach acceptance but the more you realize how little you really know about the world, how little anybody knows about it, how it’s I guess kind of a Buddhist buzzword impermanent everything is the more you start to pay attention to that sort of thing and realize those sorts of things the more it can really start to wear on you after a while I guess. CD: My data obsession is separate than my dark night because on this show I talk my dark night was directly 18 months into my own meditation practices where I while meditating or while groups with people and practicing really, really strong beginner’s mind or really accepting impermanence where I would become so sad and so deeply disconnected from any feeling of hope because I just thought gosh, will I ever know anyone again because I realize these people didn’t even have a relationship that I was starting to form with myself. So, when I spoke to them, when I watched them wander in their minds and watched their hands fidget and little bit of sweat all the little things you notice were the cues. I thought my gosh do I have a relationship or am I just okay with okay it’s impermanence so it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to know you in a month and I think this was the year that I really became okay with it’s okay, everything’s going to die. I’m okay with that. This relationship, this podcast, this tweet nothing. It’s all going away and I’m really like going into 2014 I’m really coming to terms with I’m fine. It’s really that temporary. It doesn’t really make a difference. Jon Kabat-Zinn says “If you’re alive, there’s more right with you than wrong with you” and I tell friends who call me sometimes depressed . . . I’m seeing a lot of people who are depressed lately who have no reason. I don’t know. I can’t say no reason but I tell them all the time the end is like when you’re dead so like everything else is fixable. AW: Right. CD: So, like just take a breath. Everything else is fixable. You’re still here with us. AW: Right. CD: Let’s get through those. I hope that cleared it up, Alex. AW: I think it helps because I feel similarly so about the world we live in. I think especially people like us who are talking, who are thinking about this stuff all the time. It’s like I think a thinking process changes perspectives quite a bit. For me at least I try to live in the moment as much as possible but I find that the moments there’s variables. There’s different variations within that. So, for instance this is an engaging conversation and so I feel very much kind of alive right now. I feel very alive when I’m writing a story that’s kind of making me think in a different way but I look at the dark side of things and that’s when I start to get little bit more I think depressed. I think for instance if you’re ever in a crowd I’m sure you guys do this but I do it quite a bit if I’m a crowd of people I count how many people are looking at their phones and it’s often. It doesn’t take you long to start really adding up the number of people who are looking at their phones. I think that’s the part of me that I find . . . I find concerning is that we are getting too immersed in that. CD: Let’s pull that apart because we had two guests this year that I think kind of really defined both sides of that spectrum. We had Alex Soojung-Kim Pang. I probably wrote his name but I know it’s Pang Alex, wrote a book called “The Distraction Addiction” and Nathan Jurgenson. And to me, Klinit, chime in quickly they represented either end of that spectrum, right? KF: Yeah, definitely. Those are my two favorite shows of the year. I don’t have any heart data to back that up. CD: Can you summarize for Alex because he wasn’t with us on those shows kind of Alex or Nathan’s point of view? KF: Yeah. I think they’re at either end of a spectrum but I don’t necessarily think that they’re like opposed to each other. I think there’s some things they would disagree about some of the specifics but I don’t think that they’re like polar opposites or whatever. So, Nathan wrote a piece called IRL Fetish where he makes the case that there’s no such thing as online and offline. Everything is a blended reality now because like Chris was earlier when you’re offline you’re theoretically offline, you’re away from your computer, you don’t have your phone. For one thing other people around you are still unplugged in very often like looking things up on their phones and telling you information and also you’re often thinking about what you’re going to do when you get back online. He quoted somebody he overhead like they’re on the bus say that real life is where you get your Facebook photos from or something like that. Alexander Pang wrote the book “Distraction Addiction”. He talks a lot more about I think the effects of that blended reality and encourages people to try to disconnect. Both he and Nathan I think get into disagreement is how important that sort of thing is and [00:30:17] possible. CD: Alex had also made the case that we just need to design tech better. KF: Yeah. CD: That’s the only place where I did want to choke him because people they’re on their phones all the time for God’s sake. Look how much electricity . . . you got your lights on all the time. I’m like what is this. Are you my grandfather from 1961? Of course they’re on their phones all the time but when you say if we just design tech better and it just was more a . . . something is simple and I love this. I think this is the classic example that friends Amber Case, Alexander Soo Pang all of our guests a really simple thing and if the recipe I saw this year they basically just used your hue lights and basically said if it’s cold outside the lights are bluer. If it’s hot out . . . do you know what I mean? So, just making the information accessible without getting in the way. KF: Yeah. AW: I think that’s it right there. There’s passive technologies. KF: One of the other thing is that Nathan talks about was that we start to fetishize the disconnected state as well as pathologize people who are on their phones too much. He actually says in the article at the beginning that he wrote it while he was just outside, while he was disconnected from the internet. He has no problem with wanting to get away from the internet connection for a while but that it becomes like this way of kind of trying to prove that you’re better than somebody else. Alex Pang agreed with that during the show too. As I recall he said now that people are spending tens of thousands of dollars to go unlike anti-technology retreats or whatever so that they can kind of brag about it to their friends is kind of [00:32:13] to what he’s talking about which is mostly just take a day off every week and read a book. CD: I made that point at Defrag. If you’re upset that someone’s on their phone in front of you, you’re the one with the attention problem. I don’t know. KF: It depends on who it is. AW: I don’t know about that. I think you need to look inside. I think you need to look inside yourself. That’s what I’m always trying to do because it’s like if I’m looking at people all on their phones and try to think inside myself about okay, I’m seeing people on their phones. How does that reflect on me more than anything? CD: But it doesn’t reflect on you. I think that’s the thing . . . AW: No, my perceptions about those people being on their phone. CD: My own awareness. This is where I think my own meditation and my own kind of Buddhist travels have helped me with this is I don’t know. I don’t know that that person just didn’t get a text saying there’s something with a family member. I don’t know that that person isn’t worried they’re going to lose their job tomorrow. There’s a lot of stuff I don’t know. So, I literally look at people and go, okay, that’s what you’re doing and that’s what I’m doing and we’re okay with this. I worry more about the lost look when they just look at me and they can’t - well, partly, because they think what the hell is he talking about but let’s pretend they do know what I’m talking and they’re just I have no idea. It’s just like wow. I don’t know if you guys have flown a lot but some of the freakishest behavior I’ve seen with technology is now that - I fly United - now, they’ve lifted the band on takeoff and landing. Oh my goodness! It is almost like a blatant flip the bird. Safety demonstration no one looking. I’m kind of old fashioned that way. If you’re going to put on a uniform and suck oxygen and fasten, I’m going to pay attention. I don’t know. Plus it’s kind of funny to watch them do it. I’m not saying it’s funny. Okay, safety demonstrations are funny. I’m going to say it. Have you guys been on a plane and seen how people react now that you don’t have to you can use devices on takeoff? KF: No, because I have not been paying attention. AW: Me neither. KF: No, seriously, I have not watched a safety demonstration in years. AW: I’ve been busy fiddling with my phone. KF: I’m usually reading a book. CD: And that’s the other I’m upset about is all the magazine subscriptions I’ve kept for like 5 years to read during takeoff and landing, I now have no purpose for them. AW: Exactly. That’s when I’m reading my books and I’m like oh, I could read my book during the takeoff and the landing. CD: Amazon didn’t kill Barnes & Noble. Now, that we can actually . . . paper was killed by takeoff and landing devices. All right. I want to go through something kind of fun for you guys. So, we usually do a word of the show. Each show we have like a word we just pick a random word and I’ll read you the words from this year and you can maybe pick a word that you think is interesting. Some of these I can’t pronounce. I’m so sorry I’m going to mess some of these up but prophecy, void, commons, object, hustle, performative, disillusionment, pathologizing, precariat, contemplative, paradigm, monastic, worried well, micro-aggression, Mondo 2000, electrorockgraphy - I can’t pronounce it - and fractalnoia. So, those were the words for the year. AW: What’s the last one? CD: Fractalnoia. Our very first show we talked about Present Shock, Douglas Rushkoff’s book. AW: Ah, oh good. Okay. I was going to get to that one when we were just in the last part of the conversation the present shock. CD: So, let’s maybe end on Present Shock. That’s how we started this year. KF: Yeah. If you kind of get back a little bit, I think that for me a big part of the issue with all of the permanently connected state is the sense of anxiety that it all creates what Rushkoff calls Present Shock. That’s why I think that this idea of like disconnecting is so appealing but it’s hard because even when you’re disconnected the things that we’re producing the anxiety to begin with don’t really go away. Your job is still there with you possibly getting laid off from it. Your family is still out there possibly having health problems that you may or may not know about. So, it’s a strange time to be alive I guess. AW: It’s a strange time to have multiple selves I think as well. CD: Yeah. Identity I think is huge. I don’t know. I’ve kept people who’re using bit strip basically to communicate their every waking moment. I don’t know what bit strips are. I’ve never used them but I see them as avatars on Twitter now. I think they started on Facebook but identity is so fluid. I don’t think I’ve ever seen identity as fluid as it is because of fractalnoia in these connected states and how easily you can slip in and out of. There is this great little . . . I don’t want to say it’s great but there’s this interesting little application I found that Star Trek . . . I can’t remember the name. I’ll put on the show notes. But basically if someone favorites your tweets, you can basically take over their Twitter account and while I can allow someone to take over my Twitter account and navigate my Twitter account for one or two tweets. So, let’s them slip in as me. Not with my credentials but basically through this interface they put in something they want to tweet me. I did it to this gal named Jenny [00:37:57] up out of Portland and I thought to myself, that’s just pretty wild that there is . . . how you’re allowed to do it is if someone’s favorited or you favorited their works, you both opt in and say, yeah, I’ll let you start and they call it start piloting. I’ll let you start pilot my Twitter account. AW: So, who is that then? So, once that happens is that you or is that her? CD: It’s her acting on my behalf because I gave her permission. AW: So, who is that then? When you read that a year later who is that? CD: I’ve no idea. It kind of blew my mind when I did it last month. AW: So, that leads me to think of this word that I’m thinking a lot now is this simulacrum, right? And I actually just picked up this book last night that I’m reading of Atmospheric Disturbances by Rivka Galchen. And the premise is that - I’m reading here - “When Dr. Leo Liebenstein’s wife disappears, she leaves behind a single, confounding clue: a woman who looks, talks, and behaves exactly like her”. That’s the simulacrum. CD: Are you watching Black Mirror? You guys have to check out Black Mirror. You can get it on [television]. KF: Yeah, I’ve seen it. Are you talking about the episode with the robot based on Tweet. CD: Yeah, that episode blew my mind. There was one line and I’ve actually got it at a presentation I’m doing this year where his girlfriend says . . . this guy passes away and she has him reconstituted based on his social media activity. She says to him, “Gosh, you look so good!” and he goes “Well, I intended to take only the most flattering pictures of myself. So, this is what you got”. I’m like wow, I like that. I really like that. Yeah, that’s such good stuff. Literally, there’s so much going on that’s why Mindful Cyborgs I think is a fun show to record with you guys. AW: It’s a great show. I want to thank you for having me a part of that. CD: Oh no, I can’t wait, cheetah. I don’t want to end without mentioning two pieces of news and just kind of get you guys’ feedback on it because they both kind of . . . they both made my body change. I won’t put an emotion name on it. The excitement people had over Alan Turing get a pardon I’ll just say that pissed me off. AW: Yeah, right. CD: That’s great but . . . and then it was really interesting. Two days later it was like all of these people were going, what about [00:40:22] good you get it, right? So fine. The other thing the Department of Defense like 2 days before Christmas releasing 170 page manifesto on their 25-year plan to make unmanned weaponry. I’m like, wow, that’s pretty ballsy. Oh well, I’ll just leave it at that. AW: The tech leaders saying can’t happen soon enough. KF: So, what pissed you off about the Turing pardon? CD: Because there were a lot of people sharing it who are pretty homophobic in their day to day lives and maybe they just didn’t realize they just saw a headline “Alan Turing gets a pardon”. So, that’s the first thing that made me angry. I know some of these people who were really excited about this. I’m like you know he’s gay. He’s getting a pardon for being gay and like that’s a big deal and the second thing was homosexuality is still criminal in a lot of countries and Uganda’s killing people. I don’t know. I just think there’s a profound disconnect and maybe I’m heavily vested because I talk funny and I like flowery cologne but get over yourselves. AW: I think it would have been better if fans said we are so ashamed. CD: That and apology. AW: Yeah, and we are so outraged by our own behavior and this is such a reflection on who we are and we need to think about this deeply and have a long discussion about it and decide what we’re going to do. CD: I’ll be excited thinking of Oscar Wilde a pardon. AW: Yeah. CD: Yeah, let’s do that. It kind of infuriates me also that I know once the Olympics comes people are going to be freakin’ out all over again. Part of me is upset because gosh, I hate the LGBT, AIQ and all the other letters we have added to this thing is kind of mainstream now and everybody’s suddenly a queer expert. Sorry, I feel like Shanley in this respect. You’re not a queer expert. I’m a queer expert. I know what it’s like to use hanky codes, right? AW: Right on. Right on. CD: I’ve done this, all right? So, don’t sit there all of a sudden get all gay and mighty on me. AW: This is an awesome one. It’s great to hear. CD: Sorry Klint. Klint, are you happy that Turing got a pardon? KF: I’m glad it finally happened. I didn’t see a lot of homophobic people tweeting that they’re happy about it. Mostly I saw people being like it was too little too late and it’s like yeah obviously but it’s like at least something happened eventually. It’s mostly pointless. It’s such a just token gesture but I don’t know. I didn’t think it was anything worth getting upset about one way or the other either. AW: I think another way to look at it is that yeah, it’s a token gesture and everything else but it’s out there now. It’s out there and once it’s out there there’s no taking it back and that means other people are like have heard it and whether they believe in it or not they tweet it. Now, that’s out there. So, I think there’s something to say about that when any kind of company, any individual makes some statement that seems like a token of gesture. Well, it’s out there now and that has an impact of its own. CD: Yeah. All right guys. Great show! We always kind of end this show with kind of events and some thank you. So, any place we can find you guys officially or unofficially over the next few months? AW: I’ll be in the Valley in January. I’m doing something with Dell some brainstorm kind of event. That’s all I have planned right now. CD: Nice! KF: I don’t think I’ve got anything coming up that I know about until like October where the Mindful Cyborgs at the MIT Media Labs. Not Mindful Cyborgs, cyborg camp at the MIT Media Labs. CD: It might be renamed by then. We don’t know. Stranger things have happened. I got our little official list we put on the website. By the way we have a website. It was another interesting stat from this year. Most of our listens come from iTunes and SoundCloud but then Technoccult your site, Klint and then APIs and ServiceSphere and then something I’ve never heard of called Mp3skull.me which scares me just in the name. Check out Mindfulcyborgs.com. We’ve got all the show notes but we distribute it everywhere. Alex is over there and everything else. We’ve an events page where you can meet any one of us so if you’re ever out and about. I’ll be at the Humana Challenge. So, I’m talking to a bunch of doctors on Palm Springs on January 15th. I don’t know why. No, I am. It’s very nice of them to ask me. And then RootsTech which is a big genealogy conference in Salt Lake on February 5th. Some of us will be at South by Southwest. I don’t you guys might slip out there. That’s in March. AW: I’m moderating a session at Southwest. CD: There you go. And then if I have to kidnap Klint go to theorizing the web in April out in Brooklyn. It’s Nathan’s conference. KF: Oh, I like to go there. CD: Being sponsored by Snapchat. Yeah, it’s going to be hot and then we got cyborg camp MIT in October and then we got Buddhist Geeks October 16th. So, a lot of stuff coming up. I’m sure I’ll have a lot pretty now and then. Gentlemen, I just saw you both in Portland. It’s an honor and a pleasure to know both of you and consider you friends and peers and everything else. It’s been a great 2013. AW: Thank you Chris. You as well. And I’ll hope to see both of you soon. KF: Yeah, see you next year. CD: All right guys. This is Mindful Cyborgs 2013. It was good year. Go be kind to yourself. KF: Thanks guys. Bye. AW: Thanks. CD: Later.

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16. STYLSS Sunday Selections: Week 87

  • Published: 2014-09-21T21:30:54Z
  • By STYLSS
STYLSS Sunday Selections: Week 87

STYLSS Sunday Selections: Week 87 http://goo.gl/OEF14x /////////////////////////// This week features new music from Lindsay Lowend, UV Boi remixes Hatch, Run The Jewels, Thomas White x Dear Lola remix Tyga x Young Thug, Xavier Wulf, Flying Lotus, Danny Brown, dd elle, Bones, Lapalux, SBTRKT, KID HRNK, Motem & more tracks hand selected by STYLSS affiliates from around the world. If you don't know what this is every Sunday we each pick out some tracks to showcase our individual tastes in music & share that new new from the internet music domain. If you know what this is, here are selections from week 87: GOLDEN LIVING ROOM: https://soundcloud.com/nemsae/fjuiowbfgdsz “This person randomly messaged me on SC with their music. I actually like it a lot. I feel like they should expand on this idea a bit but it's definitely a nice little preview.” KOOL TRASHER: https://soundcloud.com/adultswimsingles/oh-my-darling-dont-cry no comment. EASTGHOST: https://soundcloud.com/lindsay-lowend/trapped-inside-an-earthbound-cartridge-1 “New Lindsey Lowend is just plain stupid. 8 minutes of unnamable progression beat sludge. "Trapped inside an Earthbound cartridge" is the title and it's everything I could have hoped for as for the progression of DC native, Lowend's style.“ QUARRY: https://soundcloud.com/hatch/new-direction-uv-boi-remix “UV Boi does his thing with Hatch’s ‘New Direction’” MODELING: https://soundcloud.com/raw-records/tyga-ft-young-thug-hookah-thomas-white-dear-lola-remix-rawcut017 “Thomas White and Dear Lola will never let you down.” QUARRY: https://soundcloud.com/gold_n/silence-ft-fifty-grand-jk-reaper “new Goldn feat. Fifty Grand & J.K. The Reaper is something to be excited about” QUARRY: https://soundcloud.com/xavierwulf/xavier-wulf-thunder-man “new Xavier Wulf. Taken from Blood Shore Season 2 coming soon. #HOLLOWSQUAD.” PYN: https://soundcloud.com/flyinglotus/coronus-the-terminator “So chill. You're Dead will be the tightness.” KOOL TRASHER: https://soundcloud.com/theneighbourhood/hate-machine-feat-danny-brown-mastered no comment. QUARRY: https://soundcloud.com/shhsecretsongs/shh010-dd-elle-tell-me “Ryan Hemsworth does it again, shedding light on another underground Artist. The 10th installment of his Secret Songs Single Series is from dd elle whom put together an epic love song that I’ve had on repeat all damn week. Truly addicting tune.” QUARRY: https://soundcloud.com/teamsesh/bones-1 “Finally got a chance to rinse this new Bones” GOLDEN LIVING ROOM: https://soundcloud.com/topazgang/alloapm-tears-topaz-gang-remix “Topaz Gang has really evolved in their style over the last year or so. I'm really into it. He did a couple of collaborations on 회사AUTO's new album and they are wildly different from everything he's done in the past.” STYLSS SUBMISSION: https://soundcloud.com/benoitpg/paleblog QUARRY: https://soundcloud.com/lapalux/movement-i-ii-iii “New Lapalux out now via Brainfeeder.” PHOTON: https://soundcloud.com/wizkhalifa/dej-loaf-ft-wiz-khalifa-try-me “not normally something i would be into but theres something captivating about dej loaf's voice” NEVAFADE: https://soundcloud.com/jungle-8/the-heat-joy-orbison-remix/s-mRCh3 “I feeling lil bit different sometimes with my picks, lol.” HAARPS: https://soundcloud.com/sbtrkt/sbtrkt-the-light-feat-denai-moore no comment. WOKR: https://soundcloud.com/enchufada/castro-twitch-feat-branko-pote “Rolling steel and rythms New to me Castro meets up with Branko and old fav to bring us back to the tropical club one more.” BLEEP BLOOP: https://soundcloud.com/the-originalz/perkulat0r-the-originalz-birdcall “My favorite tune of the originalz/perkulator's new release. great sound design and composition and it bangs really freaking hard” DMN SLYR: https://soundcloud.com/byrslf_division/trap-door-emerald-dove-grandivaa-remix “CLUB” QUARRY: https://soundcloud.com/kidhnrk/tomi “New Kid HNRK is beautiful per usual.” BLEEP BLOOP: https://soundcloud.com/hitchhikerofficial/11eleven “not really understanding how this guy has only 10 followers but whatever. I am loving this sound I used to do that thing with my hand over my mouth all teh time as a kid” BRAIND: https://soundcloud.com/tendts/beuys-accept-failure-as-part-of-the-process no comment. GOLDEN LIVING ROOM: https://soundcloud.com/b-e-b-e-t-u-n-e/1-wtc “This new James Ferraro is pretty amazing. It has this epic chorus at the beginning.” KOOL TRASHER: https://soundcloud.com/soonbe/squeeze no comment. VIDEOS OF THE WEEK: Motëm - The 4th Dimension Shot, Directed and Edited by BUSYMAKER Direct Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q33B9qVxEAA Jeremih - Fuck You All The Time (Shlohmo Remix) Directed by Sus Boy Direct Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZAZZc-5SFw Son Lux - "Lost It To Trying (Mouths Only Lying)" Directed by Imogen Murphy Direct Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgqZNh9w5bw Uncon Sci - Far from home Direct Link: http://vimeo.com/106566659 S T Y L S S • N E T W O R K: http://www.STYLSS.com http://STYLSS.tv @STYLSS

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17. CUBBO PODCAST #033: Peppelino (HU)

  • Published: 2014-03-18T11:22:29Z
  • By Cubbo
CUBBO PODCAST #033: Peppelino (HU)

Peter Forasi, better known as Peppelino in the electronic music industry, was born in 1985 in Hungary. He got hooked on techno music in ‘98 and in 2005 finally got his own production going. As Peppe was spending long hours working hard in the studio, the following two years quite quickly started to bring him success. His tracks were getting released on digital labels such as Prozak Records, Techment, Egotraxx and others. In 2008, his tracks started getting released in vinyl format as well on some of the biggest techno record labels including Yin Yang, Soulaccess and Penetration Nation. He has done remixes for artists as Spiros Kaloumenos, Reaky, Pratap, Dj. Link, Darkrow, Mladen Tomic, Collins and Benham, Michal Poliak, Marco G..., while his tracks were also remixed by some of the top techno producers including Stephane Signore, Pratap, Raul Mezcolanza, Reaky and many others. In 2009, during his first year of more serious dj-ing he played in clubs in Hungary, Ukraine and Slovenia. The following year Peppe began to get booked in other countries more often, including Spain, Slovakia, Croatia, Czech Republic, Ireland, and Russian Federation. He played with superstars like Valentino Kanzyani, Oscar Mulero, Reeko, Axel Karakasi, Stephane Signore, Boriqua Tribez, Mario Ranieri, Veztax, Wehbba, Dosem, Dj Preach, Pet Duo, Duart, Raul Mezcolanza, Fernanda Martins, Dj. Lukas, Obi, Pedro Delgardo, Aitor Ronda, Dito Masat, Horacio Cruz, Candy Cox, Dj. Lukas, OBI, Michal Poliak, Reaky, Dj. Cristiao, Ruslan Mays, Dj Jerry and many others. This year he also played in some clubs around Hungary including M47, Juliacentrál, K2, Hell Pub, Blackman. In 2010, Peter has totally changes his life and made a good decision to move and living his life in the city witch is never sleeping, LONDON. He took his base in that city witch was opening a lot of new ways, gates for him. From 2011 till 2012, this energetic guy was taking some rest and took back his speed a little bit. He did not finish producing music, but he did not make that much of tracks, remixes like before. This guy confused a little bit about the styles because as you can see the techno is every day is changing. He want to find the right way for himself witch is not really easy now days because he does not want to lost his funs, supporters about this changing. So he is looking for something new witch are still groovy, driving and energetic but maybe slower and has darker sounds and I think he is going on the right way. In 2013, Peppelino changed a lot and he had one of the busiest periods in his life. His usually hardgroove-techno style with fast bpm, what is made him unique is the past. He closed that part of his life and he was driving on other way. You do not have to scare of it, he didn’t finish his career. He just slowdown and he is started to produce slower Techno. His new style is absolutely amazing and banging. He is producing tracks and remixes on 123bpm-130bpm with dark sounds, deep and killer bassline and of course cannot miss the dynamic and driving from his tracks. Well, regarding this step, he had a lot of attack by old Peppelino Fans, because they were thinking he is moved on this side about money. We have to let everybody know he is changed because this new style is taking on the place now in his heart, and he has a kind of reborn now days, this is what this style is giving for him. Follow Peppelino at: http://www.peppelino.com http://www.facebook.com/peppelinoh http://www.mixcloud.com/peppelino http://www.soundcloud.com/peppelino https://twitter.com/peppelinoh http://www.youtube.com/user/peppelinoh Tracklist: Christian Fischer - Ta Bueno Ya (Daniele Petronelli, Gaty Lopez remix) Dj Boris - Music Is Medicine (Original mix) Oscar L - Last Call (Original mix) D-Sens - Over your shoulder (Peppelino remix) Nino Bua - Want Me To Be (Marc Galindo remix) Whyt Noyz - Tribe (Original mix) Marc B - Border (Peppelino remix) Marco Bailey - Stir It Up (Original mix) Oscar L - The Resistance (Original mix) Whyt Noyz - Shift (Original mix) Marc Throw - La Calle (Peppelino remix) Raffaele Rizzi - Open Grave (Original mix) Roni Iron - De Grecia feat. Anna Maria (D-Unity remix) Peppelino - Forever Monthy Nolan - Filth (Original mix) Tony Dee - Nightwalk (Original mix) Frankyeffe - Dee Lay (OnOff remix) D-Deck - Waiting Treby (Original mix) Marco Bailey - Train Collector (Original mix) Sasha Carassi & Jay Lumen - Cube (Original Mix) Sasha Carassi, Mikael Jonasson - Void (Gabriel D'or Bordoy remix) Project Akc - This Thing (Original mix) Jewel Kid - Raging Bull (Original mix) Macromism - Take Control (Original mix) Juan Ddd - Horus (Original mix)

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18. Website puts the ‘Muni’ in community #BayAreaArt #SanFranciscoCrosscurrents

  • Published: 2012-03-20T22:30:09Z
  • By KALW
Website puts the ‘Muni’ in community #BayAreaArt #SanFranciscoCrosscurrents

If you live in San Francisco, sooner or later you’re probably going to have to take a Muni bus. And during that bus ride, you may chance upon a story. And that story might be romantic ... or revolting ... or remarkable in one way or another. Worthy of recording. Well that’s exactly the idea behind a San Francisco blog called the “Muni Diaries.” KALW’s Audrey Dilling went to a Muni Diaries event and brought back this report. * * * AUDREY DILLING: Liam Woods missed his bus tonight. Well, according to Woods, the bus missed him. LIAM WOODS: Trying to take the 19. It stops in front of my house. I might have been six feet from the stop, waving my arms, and he just went right by. DILLING: Oh so he passed you? WOODS: It happened twice, and then we got a cab. And we were late. Ironically, the event that Woods was trying to get to is all about San Francisco’s public transportation system: Muni. Here in the cavernous SOMA Arts gallery, people have gathered to share their best Muni stories. An authentic bus shelter is standing in the center of the space and people are writing down their stories and posting them all over it. MARY A: Um. The 9-San Bruno, awesome, headed from Potrero to downtown, double-long bus. I was in the way back and some guy apparently cut his finger or something and he was flicking the blood all over ... (laughs) Is this not a good story? JAY SACHER: Every time I'm on Muni, I tend to get deathly ill within three days… MARY A: …throwing up woman, throwing up all the way from the, on the 5-Fulton all the way from Broderick to the beach. Throwing up the whole time! SACHER: I feel like it's a walking Petri dish, or driving Petri dish… MARY A: The 9-San Bruno also completely felt up on a crowded bus after work. So sweet. Muni Diaries is hosting the event. It’s a website that collects these transportation tales. The site was originally Eugenia Chien’s idea. EUGENIA CHIEN: I was studying journalism at San Francisco State, and I was taking the bus every day to school, and every day when I got to school I would say to my friend Jeff, "You won't believe what happened on the bus today." JEFF HUNT: When I first heard the idea, I was like, "Oh my god, we have to do this.” That’s Chien’s co-founder, Jeff Hunt. Two and a half years later, he can’t believe how many stories the site's collected. HUNT: This is something I think about all the time. It's like, "Wow, why are all these people reading this website that I spend so much time working on?” And it's the stories – they're such a rich part of San Francisco life for so many people – for good and for bad. I mean some of the stories are terrible. Some of the stories are uplifting. I think you've just got a full range of ... not fiction, but sometimes it seems like fiction. TARA RAMROOP: I was waiting for a 49 one day over at Van Ness and North Point. And I was bummed and just angry of course because it was 6:00 and the bus wasn't there when it was supposed to be. That part of Tara Ramroop’s story isn’t so surprising. But just wait... RAMROOP: But this guy comes out of the bathroom, you know there's this little bathroom over there that the Muni drivers use and he came out and he got on his bus and he saw me just standing there seething and he goes, "Hey do you want a ride?" Just her. RAMROOP: And then, at first, I thought … I mean that's kind of weird like, where is this guy going to take me? But well you know he's in a Muni bus – what's the worst that can happen? And he basically offered me. He was off shift and he offered me a ride to like, basically down Van Ness. Not all the way home, but down to Market Street, before he had to turn around and bring the bus back. And he was just really cool. He let me – this was the kicker – he let me change the number that shows up, where it says 49-Van Ness, or what have you. The old buses have this little scrolly thing where, from the inside of the bus, you just turn a knob and it changes. And then you see on the inside what number it reads and that was the first time I learned that and I thought this was amazing. Muni Diaries collects some pretty outrageous photos too, like one of a passenger sneaking a chicken on board the bus. The website has also become an aggregator of transit-related stories, and a place where riders discuss Muni etiquette: things like whether it’s okay to talk on your cell phone while riding the bus. HUNT: San Franciscans, they have their opinions and they are contradictory. Anytime we're talking about the privileged seats, people's opinions really come out. Another common topic is Muni’s performance. Does it come on time? Does it stop for you? And what are the bus drivers like? This often brings up plenty of negative commentary, but Hunt and Chien’s favorite story goes in the opposite direction. HUNT: Early this summer a Muni rider sent us a story that was about, one day he rode the 33-Stanyan and his driver, Tammy, who he had, you know, he had been riding the 33-Stanyan for years and she had been the driver. She had built up a relationship with all of her regular riders. And one day he got on and the bus was completely, the interior of the bus was completely decorated. There was like streamers and balloons and she was handing out candy to people who got on the bus and he's like, "What's the occasion? Is it someone's birthday?" And she's like, "No. They're taking me off the 33. They're moving me." So Tammy was being moved to a different route and she was showing appreciation for her riders. And to this day it's been one of our most popular posts. Every day, thousands of people board Muni’s trains and buses to get to work, to go home or to take on San Francisco’s nightlife. They get on transit. And they get off. Their destinations are where the stories of their lives happen, but Chien and Hunt have recognized something important – that getting to these places is a story in itself.

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