Bet you didn't see this one coming...
Walmart: Justin Buckner
K-Mart: Nathan Provost
Toys R' Us: LazySundayPaper
Sam's Club: A good friend
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES
I expected more from your shitty corporation
But I payed less, you have no high expectations
Always low prices? Bullshit, you know that's a lie
when you sell a pillow for the price of a golden chained tie
Wipe off that smiley face like you did with the retro star
Your deli reeks of a homeless boy who just came out of the bar
Get ready, Wal-Mart, I'm gonna stomp you into a flea market
I'll pull out my bow, because you are my next Target
Talk about pay less when your economy is high
Saying "Here pay 500 bucks for this cherry apple pie!"
You sell expired food, and you're calling me a fraud?
I'm the true superstore, scrap that, supergod
Save money and live better when I kick your ass, I'm lovin' it
Serving you frying rhymes with a Big Mac
I've got prices that go down lower than your mother
I expected more from you, stay on target, you bugger
Attention, Kmart shoppers, we got a special offer, homie
The ass-kicking of Target and Wal-Mart for half price, limited time only
My cold rhymes will surely make you ship your pants
With these big gas savings, you'll be left in a trance
I got a gas station, a car wash, and a café!
This shit ain't about the price tags, yeah, listen to Jessie J
Discount your lines from this battle, Kmart's the one who'll win,
My raps are true bargains, yours just belong in the bin
GameStop it already, you so-called corporations
Before I Bioshock you, Super Smash you like a PlayStation
You think you're superior enough to make everything you sell overpriced?
Have a five-dollar coupon and a Wii Points Card; buy yourself a life
My shops are all over the world with all sorts of awesome names
Micromania, MovieStop, Babbage's, EB Games
I've got an Impulse to tell you all that I'm the greatest retailer
So prepare to get crushed when I bring power to the players
Toys R' Us Employee:
KKKKKKK, yeah, shut the heck up and park it
Go back to your clan, and step out of the black market
I only have to open up my doors and the children come flooding in,
You break, you buy, so you better get on your ass, and start cleaning
You close your shop at 11 to have a break, I'm open all night,
The only time I'd be a customer is to tell you I'm always right
I may be Toys R Us, but this battle belongs to me!
Screw Target and the 'marts, I make little kids happy!
Sam's Club Employee:
You can call me Sam's Club, bitch, I got the ultimate deals
Crushing you puny punks with my bulk, leave you in rubble, for reals
I'll put your ass on blast, you two marts and shit, selling everything on clearance just to market it
I'll start a fit with wits, so let me target this, you motherfuckers should know never to come at this
And GameStop, get real, what's with your shitty ass trades?
I'm attracting buying customers, leave all your stores deserted for days
And what's your giraffe ass gonna do? Splash me with a water gun?
You're just a Toys R' Us Bitch, insert pedophile pun
Alright motherfuckers, welcome to Walgreen's
I'm the dopest pharmacy store, that you've done ever seen
I have a hell load of customers, but enough time to fuck you up.
I'll diss every aspect of you, from Wal-Fart to Gay-Stop
What would you guys be without me? Just one pile of shit
My service is twenty times faster, just go on and live with it
We bring pills, ointments and plasters in all kinds of colors
I'll bury you all alive with this shovel, only twenty-five dollars
You cheesy crappy supermarkets ain't seen nothing yet
I've got better products than all of you, we don't even need to bet
What the hell is a Sam's Club? Man, just merge yourself with BJ's
You faggots, you literally proved that stores can be gays
You think you can outnumber me? Ha, you're really out of luck
If you're not satisfied with the product, I don't give a fuck
Toys R Us likes little kids? Huh, what a perv
This final line is like my checkout, cause you just got served
Clear your shelves, I'll shut you down, I'll be the number one retailer
I'd say the same for you, but you're all just failures
These rhymes are just a sample of what I can do to you
I'll cream you punks and turn you into quality food
We're VIP, only the best deserve to enter
You drain the souls of all your shoppers just like a Dementor
You can't win, it's impossible; I'm afraid you've lost yo
So drop like my prices and bow down to Costco
The greatest supermarket coming in, who you gonna call?
If you think you won't fall, then suck this mall's balls
I've been around for ages, yet you call yourself history?
When I was built, all you faggots wanted to come inside of me
Where else can you get a video game and a meal?
A mall is filled with everything, it's pretty much the best deal and
Without me, you guys would all have nowhere to live,
SO be thankful, otherwise I've got no K's to give
Wal-Mart, I got Paul Blart, Target, you're not God.
You aren't o-K-mart and GameStop's just got COD
Step into my food court, you won't be acquitted
Cause you're Walgreen of jealousy, fellas, you're all bitches just admit it
Isn't it a gimmick when you're pinning down the king
You're just little prick thrift shops, who think you can win it
Well it's time to lock up for the night, your shift's done
I've put you all out of business, and there are no refunds
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES
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